Time flies no matter what you do

You know that old saying...time flies when your having fun. It's true, but it also flies no matter what your doing.

In looking over my own calendar for the next two months, I barely have a day where something isn't written in for each day. Either meetings, phone calls, working, working my pt job, presenting, making chapter visits....my days are flying by. I barely have time to even do the fun little things I love like time with friends or family.

I realized with great sadness, that it's been months since I've seen some of my nieces and nephews. Not counting the ones out of state, I'm talking about the ones right here near me. Life is moving at such a whirl wind pace that I can't even find time to enjoy life.

Makes me wonder, why am I on this treadmill on constant activity? What am I racing to...or better yet, running from? What makes me constantly have to be somewhere or to be doing something? How much is too much?

When we begin to look at our lives in terms of time, it seems out of control. If we look at it in terms of what am I doing to effect (or is it affect??) the greater good, things that will leave their mark even after I'm gone - it's a different story. There is value in building relationships that last lifetimes...there is value in helping others see the good and amazing opportunities available to them....they all have purpose and meaning but lately I'm feeling lost in the maze that has become my life.

I jokingly ask why I am even paying rent. I virtually am home long enough to shower, do some laundry and then go to bed. I could live in a tiny little one room place and be quite content. Why didn't I actually consider that when I moved? Why did I think I needed all this space and stuff? Why do we constantly strive for things that don't really make us....us?

No matter what you do, time moves on. Children get older, friends find new friends and forget about partners....they just feel left behind. Unless they are running at the same pace, it just doesn't work. I realize balance is the key....I know that I can and should say NO to somethings but for right now, I have made a commitment that for the next year will keep me running at a fast pace. I need some other parts of my life to settle down or keep up...otherwise I'm going to lose control.

Like a car that just keeps going, you have to do some maintenance as well...so I am trying to find that balance, trying to be as creative with my time and meetings as possible. Trying to combine some fun with the frenzy so at the end of the day I can feel like it all matter....it does...just not in a real measurable way.

Just keep swimming...just keep swimming.......