They are all connected really.....we want things, we need things and I most certainly expect things. Are they all necessary though?
The needs thing is easy....the basic needs of life....shelter, food, clothing, a job, safety, relationships with others....I get that, that makes sense to me. Wanting things.....that's a little hinky for me...I want a lot of stuff or things to happen but do I NEED them - probably not. I'd certainly survive without but I do want them. Wanting in a powerful thing. I have this great quote from an Oprah magazine which I know I won't get right but it went something like she ignored the wants for so long that they began to shout out loud. If we keep ignoring what we want does it get louder? Do we eventually have to address the wants or do they wither and die? Isn't that really what Oprah's magazine is based on anyway....wanting. You want to read the books she praises, you want the things on her list and you want to be like the people in the magazine ads....wants.....that's a hard one to rationalize away. I want to not want to want. Hmmm.....is that even possible? Do I really want that or do I think I'm suppose to want that?
The last part, expectations, is what I am struggling with. I expect certain outcomes in my life from events, from everyday and from people. I am almost constantly disappointed in the outcomes because in my head I've built them into something completely different from the reality. I expect something different than what I am getting and when it comes down to it, it's me who has to change. Change my thinking, my expectations my wants. I have gone places or done things that were completely unplanned or unexpected and had a great time and then when I place the expectation on a certain outcome and it doesn't happen I feel let down, sad, unfulfilled. Does a person have to stop expecting an outcome?
New Years Eve....this day holds a lot of pressure for me. I know its probably, OK it IS self imposed pressure, but it's the end of the old and the beginning of the new. If I don't lay out some expectations for the new year am I just then accepting what will be? Don't I have the obligation to put out there some sort of a plan or list or expectation of what I want....need, expect from the new year? Don't I owe it to myself to make a plan or am I just making too much out of things?
I feel a odd sense of uneasement (is that even a word?) coming in to this new year and if I honestly look at my life I'm probably at one the best, stable, connected places I've been at in my own life in a really long time. I enjoy my life, my friends (both old and especially new!) and my job at the moment is .....well.....I still have one to go to next week - I'm really in a pretty good place. I'm very close to being done with school, my family is well and I'm in a pretty darn good place.....what more do I really need, want or expect from a new year? Is it possible I am just making too much out of New Years Eve?
My focus this year will be to work on my list.....I have been creating a list of things I want to do and I really think 2009 needs to be a year I focus on what I want, what I need and maybe leave the expectation part up to the Universe? Most importantly I want it to be a year of doing things I have never done before and having fun.
Oh my God.....did I just figure it out? Dang....I think I did. I really enjoy my window seat to the world as I blog....feels like I can really sort things out.
Happy New Year and good bye 2008!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Afraid to take risks?
I've never thought of myself as someone afraid to do things but as this year comes to a close I think back over the year and I'm a little disappointed in the things I stopped myself from doing because I was afraid or worried what others would think of me. Can a person be afraid of taking a risk? Am I afraid of taking a risk? What about others.....do they chance a different choice?
I know I talk a good game...I think I am braver than I really am. I think I'm ready to move to the next level and then I stop myself....I get scared or nervous or worried and I stop...I pull back and I don't do things. Don't we all do that? Do we sabotage ourselves and get in the way of our own path? Why do I do that? Who really cares? There are people I know who are so much braver than me, they don't seem to care what anyone else says they just live their life out loud with no excuses. I really want to live that way but there is something that always seems to stop me. Is it my upbringing? My fear of the unknown? My worry that the hype won't live up to what I've created in my mind? What sensors do I need to break down to live my life out loud?
I know there are times I've felt brave and bold in my life and I've pushed past the fear and done what I really wanted to do and I've had a great time....but it's like I need that push, that someone to take me by the hand and lead me there and then once I'm there I'm good but the actual getting there seems to be like a road block and I can't seem to get there on my own. Is risk taking a group event?
Isn't taking risks suppose to be about growing and pushing ourselves to the next level? If so then why is it so scary to push ourselves to the next level? What is it that we are really afraid of? Is it possible we are afraid of being happy? Of succeeding? Of living the life we really want? Why is risk such a negative thing?
Scared of taking a risk.....please.....I can take a risk..I've taken risks....heck....2009 is going to be a year of breaking down the walls and taking risks.
************************************************************************************
I found these two quotes as I was reading this morning....interesting isn't it.
Don't over think. Let passion override your fear.
Indulgence isn't a sign of failure, it's an occasional opportunity to experience pure pleasure.
Now I wonder.....is risk something we avoid because of fear or fear of pure pleasure? Do we deny ourselves that deeply? Things to ponder as this year winds down.
I know I talk a good game...I think I am braver than I really am. I think I'm ready to move to the next level and then I stop myself....I get scared or nervous or worried and I stop...I pull back and I don't do things. Don't we all do that? Do we sabotage ourselves and get in the way of our own path? Why do I do that? Who really cares? There are people I know who are so much braver than me, they don't seem to care what anyone else says they just live their life out loud with no excuses. I really want to live that way but there is something that always seems to stop me. Is it my upbringing? My fear of the unknown? My worry that the hype won't live up to what I've created in my mind? What sensors do I need to break down to live my life out loud?
I know there are times I've felt brave and bold in my life and I've pushed past the fear and done what I really wanted to do and I've had a great time....but it's like I need that push, that someone to take me by the hand and lead me there and then once I'm there I'm good but the actual getting there seems to be like a road block and I can't seem to get there on my own. Is risk taking a group event?
Isn't taking risks suppose to be about growing and pushing ourselves to the next level? If so then why is it so scary to push ourselves to the next level? What is it that we are really afraid of? Is it possible we are afraid of being happy? Of succeeding? Of living the life we really want? Why is risk such a negative thing?
Scared of taking a risk.....please.....I can take a risk..I've taken risks....heck....2009 is going to be a year of breaking down the walls and taking risks.
************************************************************************************
I found these two quotes as I was reading this morning....interesting isn't it.
Don't over think. Let passion override your fear.
Indulgence isn't a sign of failure, it's an occasional opportunity to experience pure pleasure.
Now I wonder.....is risk something we avoid because of fear or fear of pure pleasure? Do we deny ourselves that deeply? Things to ponder as this year winds down.
It's all a balancing act
Is the grass really greener on the other side? I always think it is. I always think people who have what I don't have are happier, more focused, more fun....prettier....but now I'm wondering if that's true or just something we tell ourselves until we get to that point.
You don't know what your missing until you really realize what your missing. Make sense? I think it takes time to realize what it is your really missing and sometimes we fill our lives or our time with all these things trying to find that missing piece only to find years later (um 3 years later in some cases) that you don't have to be missing anything...that things are OK just as they are. Aren't we complicated little ducks?
I look at some of my friends lives or in terms of their relationships and think....that's what I want, but I'm only seeing a moment, a snapshot of time....is that really what I want? There are parts of my old life I miss a lot and I don't even realize I am missing these things until I think about them. When life changes, at least for me, I tend to try to fill my time, my days, my mind with new things to force out the old. It's not always a bad thing because along the way I find some wonderful new things and friends!
Filling up my life makes me forget about the old and focus on the new. At some point though it's not working and you begin to think about the old....and you start to rationalize how great it was or why you gave parts of it up and you begin, at least I do, want that back. And it was great a lot of the time but overall since it ended it's clearly not the life you were intended to live so why do we focus so much on the past, so much on what we don't have and forget to see what is ahead or what we do have? Why do we keep wanting what we had?
Balance....we need a balance of the old and the new.
I spent some time over the holidays with a friend that knows me inside out....it was easy, no thought involved. They know what I like, what I don't like, when I'm tired, when I just need a moment....and I miss that, I miss that kind of a connection with another person but if they were around all the time would that be the reality? I often find that reality and our own reality don't really mesh.
I think my theme for 2009 is going to be balance.....learning the yin and the yang of my life.
Sounds easy.....right?
You don't know what your missing until you really realize what your missing. Make sense? I think it takes time to realize what it is your really missing and sometimes we fill our lives or our time with all these things trying to find that missing piece only to find years later (um 3 years later in some cases) that you don't have to be missing anything...that things are OK just as they are. Aren't we complicated little ducks?
I look at some of my friends lives or in terms of their relationships and think....that's what I want, but I'm only seeing a moment, a snapshot of time....is that really what I want? There are parts of my old life I miss a lot and I don't even realize I am missing these things until I think about them. When life changes, at least for me, I tend to try to fill my time, my days, my mind with new things to force out the old. It's not always a bad thing because along the way I find some wonderful new things and friends!
Filling up my life makes me forget about the old and focus on the new. At some point though it's not working and you begin to think about the old....and you start to rationalize how great it was or why you gave parts of it up and you begin, at least I do, want that back. And it was great a lot of the time but overall since it ended it's clearly not the life you were intended to live so why do we focus so much on the past, so much on what we don't have and forget to see what is ahead or what we do have? Why do we keep wanting what we had?
Balance....we need a balance of the old and the new.
I spent some time over the holidays with a friend that knows me inside out....it was easy, no thought involved. They know what I like, what I don't like, when I'm tired, when I just need a moment....and I miss that, I miss that kind of a connection with another person but if they were around all the time would that be the reality? I often find that reality and our own reality don't really mesh.
I think my theme for 2009 is going to be balance.....learning the yin and the yang of my life.
Sounds easy.....right?
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I'm going to change....just not today
That's a quote from a Gear Daddy's song. Went to see them last night. Enjoyed the evening out but man....do I feel old. It was at the Fine Line and it was pretty packed. It's been a long time since I have been to a bar to hear a band. I forget how fast people drink and how dumb people act when they do drink. I'd like to think that I don't act that much of a fool when I drink but I guess I don't really know.
I love the Gear Daddy's...their music has always spoken to me....and the song I'm going to change just not today made me start thinking about New Years and how really close it is and how unprepared to start a new year I feel.
Last year as the year started I felt safe and secure in my job, I knew school was happening and I was in the total groove of it and I was ready to have 2008 be great but shortly into the year things went wonky. It makes me leary to formulate any type of a plan for 2009. If I really think about it.....what do I want from this year? What do I want to be saying as I sit at the end of 2009 looking back on the year?
I want to have a fun year. I want a year full of laughter, good times, happiness, fun, good friends, real friends.....love, and I want to look back over my list of things I want to do and be able to say WOW - I really did a lot of these things this year. I think it's unrealistic to say I want to do them all but I want a fair chunk of them gone. I will post my list soon....I think it will be a fun way to end my blog this year.
Had a fantastic Christmas...probably one of my better holidays I've had in a really really long time and the funny thing is....it was totally unexpected and pretty much unplanned. Maybe that's the key...don't plan....I find if I plan I'm almost always disappointed.
Oh and here is another surprise..my friend Sarah made me try sushi and I loved it....I can't really eat alot of rice based sushi but it was much more tasty and better than I imagined. See, another unplanned moment. Hmmm...I'm sensing a pattern.
Happy last Saturday of 2008!!!
Monday, December 22, 2008
We are our actions
Our actions no matter how big or small, define us. They create who we are or who we become. You can say one thing but your actions really define you. Who knows your true self better than family. They know your true self and God help us all...we love each other despite it.
It was my family Christmas this weekend and despite the weather the family plowed through the snow and ice to celebrate the holiday. It was probably one of our better Christmas celebrations to date. We all had a great time and as usual there was more food and presents than any of us needed. We opened our family doors and let our freak flags fly high and proud!
We are lucky we have so much family and that we are able to get together and share some time even though we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like too. It's weird to me how fast time goes and how quickly the kids seem to grow....man they seem to have turned into adults right before my eyes yet I don't feel any older. I really enjoy spending time with them and watch them transform into these amazing people. Kills me how much better of a life they have at their age then I did....but I'm happy for them...happy for them to have less of a struggle and hopefully less of a stress on their identity and their place in this world.
As I finished up my holiday shopping with my 6 year old nephew in tow today I realized how self focused and self involved we become as people. People literally are so focused on one thing they just plow into you with their bodies, their shopping carts...their children. Amazing how tunneled we become. As we waited in line to see Santa it occurred to me this whole actions defining us thinking. We were the 6th set in line....lady #1 with her 2.3 children because and clearly a woman with money because the oldest boy (about 6)was dressed immaculately and the little girl (about 4) was a freaking princess in white ruffles, tights and the most sparkly shoes I've ever seen and the baby was like a gap child all perfect and shiny.
While waiting in line she was coaching the kids on how to sit and smile and being the perfect mom and she was patient and explaining every little question they seemed to spew out at lightening speed. She was freaking Donna Reed. Then it was time to place the children on Santa's lap - Jesus God. She turned into this she-devil shrill woman barking orders at the kids like a military Sargent. The 4 year old princess wanted nothing at all to do with Santa and screamed like she was burning at the stake. The poor boy was looking so scared but trying like hell to smile and the mother screamed at the kids....look over here...look over here...Tyler stop looking scared...smile...this is Santa for God's sake...come on Lilly....smile for mama.
I turned to the man next to me who stood there mouth agape and his disheveled kids with static wild hair and said "Um yeah, they're going to be in therapy for many years aren't they?" We both laughed. Then the crazy mom pulled out the letters the kids wrote to Santa and made the boy read them to Santa. Are you kidding me? Seriously she was up there about 10 minutes. Crazy. Talk about actions being who you are. Wow.
It made me start thinking about all the times I do things differently than I say and I thought all a person really has is their word...their deeds.....their integrity. If we aren't being truthful than what is the point? Love with your whole heart, give with no intent to receive and be happy with out expecting something to go wrong.
2009 is around the corner. I really have some major work ahead of me.
It was my family Christmas this weekend and despite the weather the family plowed through the snow and ice to celebrate the holiday. It was probably one of our better Christmas celebrations to date. We all had a great time and as usual there was more food and presents than any of us needed. We opened our family doors and let our freak flags fly high and proud!
We are lucky we have so much family and that we are able to get together and share some time even though we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like too. It's weird to me how fast time goes and how quickly the kids seem to grow....man they seem to have turned into adults right before my eyes yet I don't feel any older. I really enjoy spending time with them and watch them transform into these amazing people. Kills me how much better of a life they have at their age then I did....but I'm happy for them...happy for them to have less of a struggle and hopefully less of a stress on their identity and their place in this world.
As I finished up my holiday shopping with my 6 year old nephew in tow today I realized how self focused and self involved we become as people. People literally are so focused on one thing they just plow into you with their bodies, their shopping carts...their children. Amazing how tunneled we become. As we waited in line to see Santa it occurred to me this whole actions defining us thinking. We were the 6th set in line....lady #1 with her 2.3 children because and clearly a woman with money because the oldest boy (about 6)was dressed immaculately and the little girl (about 4) was a freaking princess in white ruffles, tights and the most sparkly shoes I've ever seen and the baby was like a gap child all perfect and shiny.
While waiting in line she was coaching the kids on how to sit and smile and being the perfect mom and she was patient and explaining every little question they seemed to spew out at lightening speed. She was freaking Donna Reed. Then it was time to place the children on Santa's lap - Jesus God. She turned into this she-devil shrill woman barking orders at the kids like a military Sargent. The 4 year old princess wanted nothing at all to do with Santa and screamed like she was burning at the stake. The poor boy was looking so scared but trying like hell to smile and the mother screamed at the kids....look over here...look over here...Tyler stop looking scared...smile...this is Santa for God's sake...come on Lilly....smile for mama.
I turned to the man next to me who stood there mouth agape and his disheveled kids with static wild hair and said "Um yeah, they're going to be in therapy for many years aren't they?" We both laughed. Then the crazy mom pulled out the letters the kids wrote to Santa and made the boy read them to Santa. Are you kidding me? Seriously she was up there about 10 minutes. Crazy. Talk about actions being who you are. Wow.
It made me start thinking about all the times I do things differently than I say and I thought all a person really has is their word...their deeds.....their integrity. If we aren't being truthful than what is the point? Love with your whole heart, give with no intent to receive and be happy with out expecting something to go wrong.
2009 is around the corner. I really have some major work ahead of me.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Time
I've been thinking a lot lately about time. How we spend it, how we use it - use it to avoid, distract, entertain. It's easy to say "I can't do this because I don't have the time" but really, each day has 24 hours in it...how we choose to spend it is what matters. Are we choosing the right way to spend our time?
As this year winds down I realized there never seems to be enough time for everything. I mean, I choose what I'm doing but when you work full time, part time and go to school it's hard to squeeze in a personal life or time with friends without feeling completely exhausted. How do people with kids do this?
We lose people we love too fast, they are gone before we really have time to spend with them and as I get older I find there is more value in my time that I thought yet I am surprised how well I don't really use my time. I recently went through a phase where I all of a sudden had all this open free time to use and I almost went bonkers trying to figure out what to do with it....how to fill it, how to get my arms wrapped around my own purpose and being and it all seemed to come back to time. I don't have time to do this or I have to much time and I don't know what to do with it. Maybe we use time to avoid things too. I know that if I have too much time on my hands I start to over analyze myself and my life and I become very unhappy.
So I keep myself busy. I find things to do or things to fill it with so I won't feel bad and that somehow makes me feel better. I do all sorts of things to fill my time hoping not to feel lonely or to not focus on my own life but really it's just pushing it aside and at some point it has to come to the surface. Do we invite drama and high maintenance people into our lives so we have something to focus on and "fix" so we can avoid ourselves?
Are we really that complicated of individuals? Am I really that complicated? I remember when we were approaching 2008.....I kept saying 2008 is going to be great...well you know what...it wasn't. In some ways it was, I learned alot about myself this year but overall....the overall theme of this year was not one of my better years.
I am not sure I want to lay out any expectations for 2009....not yet anyway.
Still a few days left to ponder the new year.
As this year winds down I realized there never seems to be enough time for everything. I mean, I choose what I'm doing but when you work full time, part time and go to school it's hard to squeeze in a personal life or time with friends without feeling completely exhausted. How do people with kids do this?
We lose people we love too fast, they are gone before we really have time to spend with them and as I get older I find there is more value in my time that I thought yet I am surprised how well I don't really use my time. I recently went through a phase where I all of a sudden had all this open free time to use and I almost went bonkers trying to figure out what to do with it....how to fill it, how to get my arms wrapped around my own purpose and being and it all seemed to come back to time. I don't have time to do this or I have to much time and I don't know what to do with it. Maybe we use time to avoid things too. I know that if I have too much time on my hands I start to over analyze myself and my life and I become very unhappy.
So I keep myself busy. I find things to do or things to fill it with so I won't feel bad and that somehow makes me feel better. I do all sorts of things to fill my time hoping not to feel lonely or to not focus on my own life but really it's just pushing it aside and at some point it has to come to the surface. Do we invite drama and high maintenance people into our lives so we have something to focus on and "fix" so we can avoid ourselves?
Are we really that complicated of individuals? Am I really that complicated? I remember when we were approaching 2008.....I kept saying 2008 is going to be great...well you know what...it wasn't. In some ways it was, I learned alot about myself this year but overall....the overall theme of this year was not one of my better years.
I am not sure I want to lay out any expectations for 2009....not yet anyway.
Still a few days left to ponder the new year.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Nothing says Merry Christmas better than booze!
What goes with every outfit, always fits and never disappoints? Alcohol! Woo hoo..bring on the holidays! I like drinking.
I talked before about living life moderately sedated and in talking with my friend Sarah yesterday I realized I've been making a good strong attempt at this in the last 6 months! I think I have drank more in the last 6 months then I have in the last year. I'm totally OK with it too. It hasn't negatively affected my life and I enjoy it. I've certainly enjoyed wine way more than I used to as well. Mmmm drinking is good.
Over the last few days I've gotten a few holiday gift and they have all been alcohol based....well except for my awesome talking calendar! That gift ROCKS! I think it's funny, the older I get the more simple the gifts that make me happy.
I love presents. I love giving them, I love getting them for others, I love watching other people open them, well probably not as much as I love getting them but still....presents make people happy. Isn't that what it's all about...being happy? Shouldn't we do that...try to make others happy and doesn't that in turn then make us happy? Isn't it a circle?
Don't we strive every day to be happy? To get to that point where we feel good about ourselves, our lives - happy. If little things do that then is that really wrong? I say no. If we do small acts of kindness towards others we all benefit. Maybe that's the plan for 2009 - stop focusing so much on the here and the now...the ME part of things and look outside myself to find what I'm missing and scoop up all the happiness I can. Maybe.
Today is my last day in the office until January 5th. I also am done with school until January 13th and quite honestly.....I hardly know what to do with all this time....not really time but with all the time my brain will have to not be otherwise occupied. No pushing in chapters of information that I will most certainly lose as soon as the class is done, no smiling while doing crap I don't want to do for others. No being taken for granted...well at work anyway, no trying to look my best....just me spending some time thinking and maybe cleaning out the noggin' getting it ready for a new year. I love time off. I don't know if I am ready to be all grown up.
So much seems possible right now. Is it possible?
Cheers!
I talked before about living life moderately sedated and in talking with my friend Sarah yesterday I realized I've been making a good strong attempt at this in the last 6 months! I think I have drank more in the last 6 months then I have in the last year. I'm totally OK with it too. It hasn't negatively affected my life and I enjoy it. I've certainly enjoyed wine way more than I used to as well. Mmmm drinking is good.
Over the last few days I've gotten a few holiday gift and they have all been alcohol based....well except for my awesome talking calendar! That gift ROCKS! I think it's funny, the older I get the more simple the gifts that make me happy.
I love presents. I love giving them, I love getting them for others, I love watching other people open them, well probably not as much as I love getting them but still....presents make people happy. Isn't that what it's all about...being happy? Shouldn't we do that...try to make others happy and doesn't that in turn then make us happy? Isn't it a circle?
Don't we strive every day to be happy? To get to that point where we feel good about ourselves, our lives - happy. If little things do that then is that really wrong? I say no. If we do small acts of kindness towards others we all benefit. Maybe that's the plan for 2009 - stop focusing so much on the here and the now...the ME part of things and look outside myself to find what I'm missing and scoop up all the happiness I can. Maybe.
Today is my last day in the office until January 5th. I also am done with school until January 13th and quite honestly.....I hardly know what to do with all this time....not really time but with all the time my brain will have to not be otherwise occupied. No pushing in chapters of information that I will most certainly lose as soon as the class is done, no smiling while doing crap I don't want to do for others. No being taken for granted...well at work anyway, no trying to look my best....just me spending some time thinking and maybe cleaning out the noggin' getting it ready for a new year. I love time off. I don't know if I am ready to be all grown up.
So much seems possible right now. Is it possible?
Cheers!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Lost and found
My message from the Universe today is this:
Nothing is ever lost. Not time; for what seems to have passed, lives on in the wisdom of future decisions. Not money; for what seems to have been spent, was only invested. And not love; for what seems to have vanished, has only moved so close you must look within your heart to see it.
Here and now whether or not it's obvious, you are the best you've ever been.
So proud,
The Universe
It's funny sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives, our own wants and needs that we forget that there is always another side to the coin...nothing is permanent. Some times we can be so close to something we can't see it....can't see the nose on our face. We need outside connections to bring it to life.
Nothing is ever lost - not jobs, friends, lovers....lives. There is always time to do something else.
Last night I had a long conversation with some friends and it's interesting how parallel our lives are. It's a wonderful thing when you meet people who get you without added drama or work. Just people connecting and filling a need in each other that the Universe has decided is time to be filled.
There is so much we can learn from others if we just listen and let them in. I've been on this mission to find my purpose (Steve Martin immediately jumps into my mind!) and my path that I've forgotten I don't have to be on this path alone and I don't have to even worry about being on a path. Life happens. People come and go and yet I still move forward....or diagonal. We have so many choices everyday to make our lives go in different directions and I forget each day each activity is a movement in some new direction. I think that's key...to keep moving. As long as you are moving you have the potential to find something. Life is a journey.
Can a person really give up? Can they just throw in the towel and go through the motions of everyday with no thought outside themselves? Sure...but what's the value? I have really been struggling trying to be on some path that I think doesn't even exist but I feel like it has to and I just don't have the map to get there but now I am starting to think many of us are on this hunt and it's going to be OK. I think though that I don't need to GET anywhere, I don't need to be anything more that I am for right now. Wow...imagine that.
Isn't it funny what a night out listening to others can do to make your brain shift gears?
Nothing is ever lost. Not time; for what seems to have passed, lives on in the wisdom of future decisions. Not money; for what seems to have been spent, was only invested. And not love; for what seems to have vanished, has only moved so close you must look within your heart to see it.
Here and now whether or not it's obvious, you are the best you've ever been.
So proud,
The Universe
It's funny sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives, our own wants and needs that we forget that there is always another side to the coin...nothing is permanent. Some times we can be so close to something we can't see it....can't see the nose on our face. We need outside connections to bring it to life.
Nothing is ever lost - not jobs, friends, lovers....lives. There is always time to do something else.
Last night I had a long conversation with some friends and it's interesting how parallel our lives are. It's a wonderful thing when you meet people who get you without added drama or work. Just people connecting and filling a need in each other that the Universe has decided is time to be filled.
There is so much we can learn from others if we just listen and let them in. I've been on this mission to find my purpose (Steve Martin immediately jumps into my mind!) and my path that I've forgotten I don't have to be on this path alone and I don't have to even worry about being on a path. Life happens. People come and go and yet I still move forward....or diagonal. We have so many choices everyday to make our lives go in different directions and I forget each day each activity is a movement in some new direction. I think that's key...to keep moving. As long as you are moving you have the potential to find something. Life is a journey.
Can a person really give up? Can they just throw in the towel and go through the motions of everyday with no thought outside themselves? Sure...but what's the value? I have really been struggling trying to be on some path that I think doesn't even exist but I feel like it has to and I just don't have the map to get there but now I am starting to think many of us are on this hunt and it's going to be OK. I think though that I don't need to GET anywhere, I don't need to be anything more that I am for right now. Wow...imagine that.
Isn't it funny what a night out listening to others can do to make your brain shift gears?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
More from Charlie
So last night I had my last class of the year. Yee ha! I have a glorious 3 weeks off....I haven't had anytime off from school since it started a year and a half ago...well I've had one week off but 3 whole weeks!! I don't know that I'll know what to do with myself if I'm not squeezing in homework or reading. Woo hoo...merry christmas to me!
So I got home last night and read my new book again - The Travler by Daren Simkin. It's probably one of the best gifts I ever got. It's a fast read and the last two pages really give me pause....that little Charlie sure has some good thoughts that I can relate to.
"And as Charlie spent his final itsy-bitsy seconds on his friend, he was loved.
That is such a powerful statement! He was happy. Is it really just that easy?
How the heck did Charlie do that?
So I got home last night and read my new book again - The Travler by Daren Simkin. It's probably one of the best gifts I ever got. It's a fast read and the last two pages really give me pause....that little Charlie sure has some good thoughts that I can relate to.
"And as Charlie spent his final itsy-bitsy seconds on his friend, he was loved.
It may not have been perfect...but he was happy."
That is such a powerful statement! He was happy. Is it really just that easy?
How the heck did Charlie do that?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Mistletoe....it's misunderstood
What is mistletoe anyway and how did it get to be a Christmas tradition. Why can't you find it anymore either? Whenever I hear mistletoe I get a girlish school girl giggle (I can giggle like a school girl!) and think of kissing someone....hee hee...now it's making me blush!!!
So I of course googled it - The word "Mistletoe" is derived from the Old English words, "mistel" (dung) and "tan" (twig). The plant is thought to be named after bird droppings on a branch.
Um.....dung twigs? That doesn't make me want to kiss anything!! Hmm, I have to do some further digging on this one.
Mistletoe is also said to be a sexual symbol, because of the consistency and color of the berry juice as well as the belief that it is an aphrodisiac, the “soul” of the oak from which it grows. Okay, now I'm getting on bored with this whole mistletoe thing. However, I never thought of it as a sexual symbol. Interesting. I might have to ponder this more.
The origin of the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe is vague. However, the tradition may have stemmed from either the Viking association of the plant with Frigga (the goddess of love) or from the ancient belief that mistletoe was related to fertility. Umm, you had me at sexual symbol...but let's continue to investigate.
The correct mistletoe etiquette is for the man to remove one berry when he kisses a woman. When all the berries are gone, there's no more kissing permitted underneath that plant. Woo hoo, I have got to find a plant with ALOT of berries!
One legend states that a couple who kisses underneath mistletoe will have good luck, but a couple neglecting to perform the ritual will have bad luck. Specifically, it is believed that a couple kissing under the mistletoe ensure themselves of marriage and a long, happy life, while an unmarried woman not kissed under the mistletoe will remain single for another year. Freakin' A are you kidding me? Why is the single girl always on the outs! Dang it...where is the positive for the single girl? Is life really just about finding a mate? Jesh! Let's continue!
Maidens may place a sprig of the plant under their pillow at night in the same manner a child places his or her lost tooth in anticipation of a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Umm, what will visit us? Tee hee. Maybe I've been going about things all wrong? Instead of exchanging teeth for money, however, the sprig of Mistletoe allows women to dream of their Prince Charming. Oh...never mind. Burning a mistletoe plant is also thought to foretell a woman’s marital bliss, or lack thereof. A mistletoe that burns steadily prophesies a healthy marriage, while fickle flames may doom a woman to an ill-suited partner. Got a match?
Well....myth solved. Apparently mistletoe is more complex than I imagined. I just like the thought of it in it's simplest form....a kissing prompting device. Who doesn't enjoy kissing? It's not a bad way to spend some time.....with someone you have a connection with, what's wrong with a good old kiss? Sometimes you just gotta pucker up and take one for the team!
Bring on the mistletoe!
Monday, December 15, 2008
My new favorite book
I got a early Christmas present....it's a book called The Traveler - I shall quote from it today. It's amazing!
Can we really pack up our silky smooth hours? Do we want to? It's the sweetest book I have ever read and it clearly has a message that says to don't waste your time, your silky smooth hours or your itsy-bitsy seconds looking for something better. Be happy where you are at. Be glad with what you have and laugh with your friends.
I have a lot to learn from Charlie.
There once was a boy named Charlie, who had a nice life - but it
wasn't quite perfect. he had to spend too much of his time doing things he didn't want to do. So one day he packed up all his time in a suitcase, locked it up and set off to find a better way to spend it. Charlie traveled the world looking for the perfect thing to make him happy. In the meantime, unbeknownst to him, his itsy-bitsy seconds and silky, smooth hours raggedy days ticked away so that when Charlie stopped traveling and realized what he truly wanted out of life, it was almost too late.Almost.
Can we really pack up our silky smooth hours? Do we want to? It's the sweetest book I have ever read and it clearly has a message that says to don't waste your time, your silky smooth hours or your itsy-bitsy seconds looking for something better. Be happy where you are at. Be glad with what you have and laugh with your friends.
I have a lot to learn from Charlie.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Comfortable
There is something to be said for our own comfort level. Comfortable shoes, pants, people, food even relationships....comfortable. Sometimes comfort can be misleading. It leads us to a false security that we become familiar with and grow to expect. It then becomes harder every time to find that same level of comfort. I want to be comfortable.
It's like you have the most comfortable pair of shoes. The fit perfectly and are like walking on clouds all day.....but they get ruined and now you expect to find another pair that is just as comfortable - you have this unrealistic expectation of comfort that you may never find again. Same with relationships...that's why we are draw to certain people.....that's why we stay connected with them because it feels comfortable, safe, easy....you know what to expect. What has to happen for us to realize that comfortable isn't always the way to stay? Do we have to break outside out own comfort level and try new things to be able to get rid of the old? Do we really have to get rid of the old or do we learn to deal with the way things change?
I've said it before.....it's hard being an adult. I'm sitting in the comfort of my house listening to the wind howl and thankful I'm home safe. The weather outside is frightful.....I was out haningm out with old friends today. These are people I don't get to see a lot but used to spend a lot of time with. As life moves on we've stayed connected but we definitely don't get to hang out as much as we like to but these are safe, warm, trusted comfortable friends who really know me. We have history, lots of history and it's so nice to be with people who just get you. I like that I don't have to define myself with them. I can just be me and they are fine with that....no judging, no explaining...just laughing,having fun, catching up and sharing life stories.
Then there are new friends you meet. Sometimes you meet someone and you immediately feel a level of comfort with them and there is an instant connection. I like them, I like spending time with them and I think they like spending time with me....it's a new comfort.
I wonder if the Universe has put them in your life to help with transitioning of old comforts to new comforts? Can one comfortable thing replace another?
It's like you have the most comfortable pair of shoes. The fit perfectly and are like walking on clouds all day.....but they get ruined and now you expect to find another pair that is just as comfortable - you have this unrealistic expectation of comfort that you may never find again. Same with relationships...that's why we are draw to certain people.....that's why we stay connected with them because it feels comfortable, safe, easy....you know what to expect. What has to happen for us to realize that comfortable isn't always the way to stay? Do we have to break outside out own comfort level and try new things to be able to get rid of the old? Do we really have to get rid of the old or do we learn to deal with the way things change?
I've said it before.....it's hard being an adult. I'm sitting in the comfort of my house listening to the wind howl and thankful I'm home safe. The weather outside is frightful.....I was out haningm out with old friends today. These are people I don't get to see a lot but used to spend a lot of time with. As life moves on we've stayed connected but we definitely don't get to hang out as much as we like to but these are safe, warm, trusted comfortable friends who really know me. We have history, lots of history and it's so nice to be with people who just get you. I like that I don't have to define myself with them. I can just be me and they are fine with that....no judging, no explaining...just laughing,having fun, catching up and sharing life stories.
Then there are new friends you meet. Sometimes you meet someone and you immediately feel a level of comfort with them and there is an instant connection. I like them, I like spending time with them and I think they like spending time with me....it's a new comfort.
I wonder if the Universe has put them in your life to help with transitioning of old comforts to new comforts? Can one comfortable thing replace another?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Creating the brand that is you
I am almost done with school...just barely 6 months and I'm getting scared. Scared that in 6 months from that I'll be doing the same thing wondering why I spent a crap load of money on an education I am not using so I thought I better start doing something about this now.
I expressed my concerns to a co-worker who gave me some good advice. She talked about creating a brand for yourself. Interesting - isn't that kind of like trying to figure out who you really are? Isn't that what we are all struggling to do? How is personal brand different? So I did some searching....here's what I've discovered.
Creating a personal brand is a way for each of us to distinguish ourselves in the marketplace of work. It all starts with this one question: What makes you unique? What do you offer to an employer or client that no one else can offer?
I means that we have to really think about ourselves in a very different way, we almost become a commodity. Brand holds power for companies it only holds true that it should hold power for us as well. I think it does. If I really think about it there are a few people I know that really have a personal brand. You just know exactly what they will say or do in any given situation. You can count on them and you know when they are involved, things get done.
Does that make them predictable? Oh no...if I create a personal brand will I be predictable, stagnate....boring? Why does this scare me? Is my freind Sarah right? Am I scared of succeeding? Oh my god, am I scared of succeeding?! That's crazy.....right?
Back to the whole personal branding thing....companies usually have a image around their brand. I need an image....I also think I need a theme song but I better work on my personal brand then image then song. The fact is that everyone of us are special in some way and we have unique skills, life experiences, and personal characteristics that define us and for the right employer, given the right situation, that combination adds up to a very special value. I thought I offered that now but if I did a survey I bet I'd be surprised to see the results. I want my personal brand to be one of hard work, dedication all while enjoying the ride. I want to be known as the person you want on your team because she will always get the job done but with flair, fun, and not in the usual way. Is that a brand? Is that possible?
The other advice my coworker gave me was even if you don't know what the next step is keep moving, just forge ahead because as you keep moving it will become clearer. It's the stopping or the standing still that gets you lost.
Your personal brand is what gives you value in the work place, it's not a job title. I guess it still comes down to the fact that you have to figure out who you are.
Who am I anyway?
I expressed my concerns to a co-worker who gave me some good advice. She talked about creating a brand for yourself. Interesting - isn't that kind of like trying to figure out who you really are? Isn't that what we are all struggling to do? How is personal brand different? So I did some searching....here's what I've discovered.
Creating a personal brand is a way for each of us to distinguish ourselves in the marketplace of work. It all starts with this one question: What makes you unique? What do you offer to an employer or client that no one else can offer?
I means that we have to really think about ourselves in a very different way, we almost become a commodity. Brand holds power for companies it only holds true that it should hold power for us as well. I think it does. If I really think about it there are a few people I know that really have a personal brand. You just know exactly what they will say or do in any given situation. You can count on them and you know when they are involved, things get done.
Does that make them predictable? Oh no...if I create a personal brand will I be predictable, stagnate....boring? Why does this scare me? Is my freind Sarah right? Am I scared of succeeding? Oh my god, am I scared of succeeding?! That's crazy.....right?
Back to the whole personal branding thing....companies usually have a image around their brand. I need an image....I also think I need a theme song but I better work on my personal brand then image then song. The fact is that everyone of us are special in some way and we have unique skills, life experiences, and personal characteristics that define us and for the right employer, given the right situation, that combination adds up to a very special value. I thought I offered that now but if I did a survey I bet I'd be surprised to see the results. I want my personal brand to be one of hard work, dedication all while enjoying the ride. I want to be known as the person you want on your team because she will always get the job done but with flair, fun, and not in the usual way. Is that a brand? Is that possible?
The other advice my coworker gave me was even if you don't know what the next step is keep moving, just forge ahead because as you keep moving it will become clearer. It's the stopping or the standing still that gets you lost.
Your personal brand is what gives you value in the work place, it's not a job title. I guess it still comes down to the fact that you have to figure out who you are.
Who am I anyway?
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
What me cynical?
Someone today called me cynical. Am I a cynical person? I had to think about that. I mean we all can be a bit cynical at times...right? I am cynical about some things for sure....like love or when people tell me something I don't believe, hmmm maybe I am cynical.
Oscar Wilde said that a cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Do I know the value of nothing? Does nothing even have a value?
The dictionary defines cynical as - having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic: as a: contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives b: based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest.
I wonder, do I distrust? I think on some level I do. But who do I really distrust? Is it others or is it myself? Can you not trust yourself? I sometimes think of my distrust as my own oddities but if I really think about it maybe it's my cynical side. Like whenever I get a coffee I have to test the lid (and straighten it, I hate it when it doesn't line up with the logo and the cup holder thingy) to be sure it's on tight. Wait....maybe I'm just more anal retentive then I thought I was....maybe it's not being cynical as much as it's being bossy.....yes...that's got to be it. I'm fine with that...I'm fine with being bossy but cynical...that's not OK.
I would say my dad is a cynical person, he wasn't always....or wait...was he? Man it's hard to separate reality from what we've created for ourselves as our reality isn't it? I mean my reality is what I've created, it's what I've lived, or think I've lived. Maybe I am crazy...or cynical. Now I am doubting not only my sanity but my cynicism.
Do we really become our parents as we age? Do we turn into them at some point because that is what we know? What we've witnessed? I'm worried. I see myself doing or saying things that instantly take me back to my father....why does it have to be my father...why can't it be my mother..wait she's crazy too. Anyway, I say things that make me kind of cringe because that is SO something my dad would have said...but I don't want to be like him. There were some parts of my dad that I did admire though...he was a great gift giver...I'd like to think I can accept the good things. It's bad enough I have to look like him but man, can't I develop my own personality that isn't him?
How do we create a new outlook for ourselves? Can we change that?
14 days until Christmas.....then this year is almost over. I can't believe it's gone....it's amazing how fast time goes when you look back on it. Looking forward to something seems to drag time but when you look back on time it seems to have flown. So much to process before the new year starts, not even sure where to begin.
Cynical....please!!
Oscar Wilde said that a cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Do I know the value of nothing? Does nothing even have a value?
The dictionary defines cynical as - having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic: as a: contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives b: based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest.
I wonder, do I distrust? I think on some level I do. But who do I really distrust? Is it others or is it myself? Can you not trust yourself? I sometimes think of my distrust as my own oddities but if I really think about it maybe it's my cynical side. Like whenever I get a coffee I have to test the lid (and straighten it, I hate it when it doesn't line up with the logo and the cup holder thingy) to be sure it's on tight. Wait....maybe I'm just more anal retentive then I thought I was....maybe it's not being cynical as much as it's being bossy.....yes...that's got to be it. I'm fine with that...I'm fine with being bossy but cynical...that's not OK.
I would say my dad is a cynical person, he wasn't always....or wait...was he? Man it's hard to separate reality from what we've created for ourselves as our reality isn't it? I mean my reality is what I've created, it's what I've lived, or think I've lived. Maybe I am crazy...or cynical. Now I am doubting not only my sanity but my cynicism.
Do we really become our parents as we age? Do we turn into them at some point because that is what we know? What we've witnessed? I'm worried. I see myself doing or saying things that instantly take me back to my father....why does it have to be my father...why can't it be my mother..wait she's crazy too. Anyway, I say things that make me kind of cringe because that is SO something my dad would have said...but I don't want to be like him. There were some parts of my dad that I did admire though...he was a great gift giver...I'd like to think I can accept the good things. It's bad enough I have to look like him but man, can't I develop my own personality that isn't him?
How do we create a new outlook for ourselves? Can we change that?
14 days until Christmas.....then this year is almost over. I can't believe it's gone....it's amazing how fast time goes when you look back on it. Looking forward to something seems to drag time but when you look back on time it seems to have flown. So much to process before the new year starts, not even sure where to begin.
Cynical....please!!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Happy?
Seems like everyone is struggling to "find themselves" or their path or even to be happy. I talked with a woman yesterday who said she watched some movie with Gweneth Paltrow...can't remember what it's called...I think she said it's called Sliding Doors?? maybe...anyway she made a comment that went something like this....
Interesting isn't it....no matter what, you are where you are suppose to be. I'm not sure I really want to believe that....but I guess I will have to go find that movie to see what it tells me.
Then on the radio this morning the DJ's were talking about being happy and that due to the economy or whatever, people in general are not happy. They posed this questions "If money didn't matter, what would you be doing?" the idea is to then incorporate a little of that into your life and it will increase your happiness level. Not to totally quit and walk away from what you are doing but to add little bits of what gives you great joy and that will slowly increase your happiness. I buy that...to an extent but honestly....money does matter....because what I'd be doing right now if money didn't matter was to be laying on a beach in Mexico with a fruity drink. That takes money.....that would make me really really happy too. Ahh...but I get the message in the whole bigger picture kind of a way. Little moments make us happier....overall.
I love Christmas music...I could listen to it year around - especially the older stuff...makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and the magic of Christmas seems to exist again for a little bit. I miss the magic of a Christmas morning. When you wake up to the lit up Christmas tree, presents spilling out from under the tree and the sound of paper tearing as you wonder what is in the package. I miss that part of Christmas....once you lose that can you ever get that feeling back?
I don't mind the winter, I don't even mind the snow what I do mind is how stupid people seem to get in this weather. Honestly....if you CHOOSE to live in Minnesota...it's gonna snow and if you CHOOSE to own a car you are going to have to drive in it....it's not rocket science. Good lord.
I've managed to avoid the winter cold bug that everyone seems to be sharing until Sunday. I awoke to a stuffed head that has progressively gotten worse over the last few days. I'm hoping today is the height of it and going forward it's going to get a little bit better everyday because I do not have the energy or time for feeling crappy. Ugh. I went to bed at 8pm last night. I took a big old swig of NyQuil and settled in to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas as I drifted off to la la land. It was not the right Charlie Brown Christmas show....it was a really annoying one and frankly who wrote it...it was mean and kinda whiny...what the hell? Christmas isn't mean or whiny....I need to see the good Christmas shows...when do they start?
Okay, well despite everything, I am going to be happy....I am going to focus on the good and move forward...bring on 2009 I'm ready.
Life always works out like it's suppose to. You always end up
where your suppose to be no matter what path you have chosen to take because you are where you are suppose to be.
Interesting isn't it....no matter what, you are where you are suppose to be. I'm not sure I really want to believe that....but I guess I will have to go find that movie to see what it tells me.
Then on the radio this morning the DJ's were talking about being happy and that due to the economy or whatever, people in general are not happy. They posed this questions "If money didn't matter, what would you be doing?" the idea is to then incorporate a little of that into your life and it will increase your happiness level. Not to totally quit and walk away from what you are doing but to add little bits of what gives you great joy and that will slowly increase your happiness. I buy that...to an extent but honestly....money does matter....because what I'd be doing right now if money didn't matter was to be laying on a beach in Mexico with a fruity drink. That takes money.....that would make me really really happy too. Ahh...but I get the message in the whole bigger picture kind of a way. Little moments make us happier....overall.
I love Christmas music...I could listen to it year around - especially the older stuff...makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and the magic of Christmas seems to exist again for a little bit. I miss the magic of a Christmas morning. When you wake up to the lit up Christmas tree, presents spilling out from under the tree and the sound of paper tearing as you wonder what is in the package. I miss that part of Christmas....once you lose that can you ever get that feeling back?
I don't mind the winter, I don't even mind the snow what I do mind is how stupid people seem to get in this weather. Honestly....if you CHOOSE to live in Minnesota...it's gonna snow and if you CHOOSE to own a car you are going to have to drive in it....it's not rocket science. Good lord.
I've managed to avoid the winter cold bug that everyone seems to be sharing until Sunday. I awoke to a stuffed head that has progressively gotten worse over the last few days. I'm hoping today is the height of it and going forward it's going to get a little bit better everyday because I do not have the energy or time for feeling crappy. Ugh. I went to bed at 8pm last night. I took a big old swig of NyQuil and settled in to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas as I drifted off to la la land. It was not the right Charlie Brown Christmas show....it was a really annoying one and frankly who wrote it...it was mean and kinda whiny...what the hell? Christmas isn't mean or whiny....I need to see the good Christmas shows...when do they start?
Okay, well despite everything, I am going to be happy....I am going to focus on the good and move forward...bring on 2009 I'm ready.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Creating our own reality
"Find your true path. It's so easy to become someone we don't want to be,
without even realizing it's happening."
Dreams are messages we refuse to let ourselves hear while we are awake and plowing through our day. Lately my dreams have been really trying to tell me something but I've been refusing to listen. Maybe it was my NyQuil induced sleep (yes the devil winter crud has finally gotten to me) but the last two nights I've had weird dreams about endless roads or road blocks or walking on roads that go no where and I just keep going and going....it's clearly trying to tell me what I sort of already know but here is what I find about a road or road block.....as if I didn't know.
To see a road in your dream, indicates your sense of direction and pursuit of your goals. To see a winding, curvy, or bumpy road in your dream, suggests that you will encounter many obstacles and setbacks toward achieving your goals.
Thankfully my roads have not been bumpy or winding...just simple straight forward endless roads.
You may be met with unexpected difficulties. If the road is dark, then it reflects the darker or more frightening choices which you have made or are making.? To see a smooth road bordered by green trees and flowers, denotes a steady progress and steady climb up the social ladder. If the road is straight and narrow, then it means that your path to success is going according as planned. To see an unknown road in your dream, signifies that you new project will cause more grief than it is worth and a waste of time.
Wow.....my dreams have mostly been about daytime...no flowers or tree's...really nothing but a road out in the daytime...am I really a social climber? I kinda like that!
To see a roadblock in your dream, signifies obstacles in your business or personal life. You may need to be more persistent and diligent in trying to overcome the obstacles that come your way.
Okay this one doesn't surprise me but why does it keep appearing...I know this...I even know what it's really about but I can't do anything about it....doesn't my subconscious know I know?
Our dreams unify our body, mind, and spirit. It provides us with insights into ourselves and is a means for self-exploration. If you understand your dreams you should have a better chance of understanding and discovery of your true self. If that's true I got a lot of work ahead of me.
I realize we all work hard to create our own reality but sometimes our dreams get in the way of where we are taking ourselves....maybe we need to not work so hard at it? Boy...do I have a lot of work ahead of me!
I wish I had some NyQuil right now.
without even realizing it's happening."
Dreams are messages we refuse to let ourselves hear while we are awake and plowing through our day. Lately my dreams have been really trying to tell me something but I've been refusing to listen. Maybe it was my NyQuil induced sleep (yes the devil winter crud has finally gotten to me) but the last two nights I've had weird dreams about endless roads or road blocks or walking on roads that go no where and I just keep going and going....it's clearly trying to tell me what I sort of already know but here is what I find about a road or road block.....as if I didn't know.
To see a road in your dream, indicates your sense of direction and pursuit of your goals. To see a winding, curvy, or bumpy road in your dream, suggests that you will encounter many obstacles and setbacks toward achieving your goals.
Thankfully my roads have not been bumpy or winding...just simple straight forward endless roads.
You may be met with unexpected difficulties. If the road is dark, then it reflects the darker or more frightening choices which you have made or are making.? To see a smooth road bordered by green trees and flowers, denotes a steady progress and steady climb up the social ladder. If the road is straight and narrow, then it means that your path to success is going according as planned. To see an unknown road in your dream, signifies that you new project will cause more grief than it is worth and a waste of time.
Wow.....my dreams have mostly been about daytime...no flowers or tree's...really nothing but a road out in the daytime...am I really a social climber? I kinda like that!
To see a roadblock in your dream, signifies obstacles in your business or personal life. You may need to be more persistent and diligent in trying to overcome the obstacles that come your way.
Okay this one doesn't surprise me but why does it keep appearing...I know this...I even know what it's really about but I can't do anything about it....doesn't my subconscious know I know?
Our dreams unify our body, mind, and spirit. It provides us with insights into ourselves and is a means for self-exploration. If you understand your dreams you should have a better chance of understanding and discovery of your true self. If that's true I got a lot of work ahead of me.
I realize we all work hard to create our own reality but sometimes our dreams get in the way of where we are taking ourselves....maybe we need to not work so hard at it? Boy...do I have a lot of work ahead of me!
I wish I had some NyQuil right now.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Charlie Brown kind of a feeling
I never realized how depressed Charlie Brown really is. I recorded a few shows and spent some time watching them over the last few days and Charlie is severely depressed...I mean like clinically depressed. He sort of loses his mind over a kite that won't fly and he often is very sad and unhappy...doesn't anyone see that? Where are his parents? Isn't Lucy a therapist...she charges 5cents for advice...doesn't she see the cash cow that is Charlie Brown? Poor Charlie.
It got me thinking about alot of other cartoons....the infamous Winnie the Pooh with poor sad Eyeore, the Little Mermaid with the crumudgeon lobster....and of course there is Rudolph...man that coach was a mean reindeer!! I think Santa is kind of a bastard in that one too. Cartoons are rough...I guess it begins to prepare our little ones for the onset of adulthood and all the life dissappointments we head into. There is no way a new show could do those kinds of things, people would scream from the heavens above.
I am officially ready for the holidays...my presents are wrapped, my cards are almost done and my heart is full of Christmas cheer...bring on the snow and the mistletoe!
It got me thinking about alot of other cartoons....the infamous Winnie the Pooh with poor sad Eyeore, the Little Mermaid with the crumudgeon lobster....and of course there is Rudolph...man that coach was a mean reindeer!! I think Santa is kind of a bastard in that one too. Cartoons are rough...I guess it begins to prepare our little ones for the onset of adulthood and all the life dissappointments we head into. There is no way a new show could do those kinds of things, people would scream from the heavens above.
I am officially ready for the holidays...my presents are wrapped, my cards are almost done and my heart is full of Christmas cheer...bring on the snow and the mistletoe!
Friday, December 5, 2008
My friend sent me this new quote which of course then tied into my whole night:
Weathering the storm and learning to dance in the rain.....can you really dance to that?
As I sat sipping probably one of the best martini's I've ever had at the St. Paul Hotel waiting for my friend to arrive, we had theater tickets, I witnessed a couple who had clearly weathered some storms. This man walked in with the most enormous bouquet of roses I had ever seen. I mean ENORMOUS! Like the size of my body...huge!!! He was probably in his mid to late 60's and he presented them to this woman who I assume was his wife. He sort of came up behind her and presented them to her as if she had just won the Miss American pageant. You could tell she was completely surprised by this...I like to think it was completely out of character for him to do this. He said to her when he gave them to her he's thankful to have her by his side as they go through life and how much they have gone through and will continue to go through together. He ended by saying he was nothing without her. I swear to God I almost ran over there and hugged them....but I was afraid I'd spill my martini.
Talk about weathering a storm! I think that's what people don't do anymore...weather storms. We have become such a disposable society that the minute something gets hard we quit, we just stop trying. It's not like there won't be something else there again....right? People don't seem to work through the hard times....they seem to bail pretty quickly. Do we all need dance lessons?
I'm as guilty of this as the next person. I think about quitting something every day...life is hard. It's about finding that person or group of people that make you feel like you can make it...that you can weather the storm, dance in the rain with....it isn't necessarily about being with just ONE person. You couldn't possibly get all you need from just one person.
My parents never weathered any storms....well not together anyway. It seemed that they lived pretty separate lives...well my dad did anyway....he never seemed to really want the things my mom did....he seemed to want what he thought he was suppose to have and that never really made him happy. Maybe he is smarter that I give him credit for...maybe he forced himself to live a life he thought he was suppose to and in the end he ended up very unhappy and ultimately all alone.....maybe if he had dared to live the life he wanted things would be different...but then would I even be here? Too much to think about on more than a surface level....at least today.
The bar is pretty dang impressive in the St. Paul Hotel.....if you have never been there you should take me there sometime...I mean you should go there sometime.....it's just beautiful. There is a wall there filled with pictures of all these people who have contributed something to St. Paul....or just the hotel...not sure but I kinda felt a little inadequate...here I was....Joe average sipping my cocktail, staring out the window at Rice Park surrounded by all these amazing pictures of people. The founder of the first school in St. Paul, Executive Secretary of the NAACP, Architect of the Minnesota State Capital. How did they get their picture up on the wall?
What would my picture say - Wanted more than she had? Loved life and was a joy to be around?
What footprint will I leave and is it too late to even make one?
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Weathering the storm and learning to dance in the rain.....can you really dance to that?
As I sat sipping probably one of the best martini's I've ever had at the St. Paul Hotel waiting for my friend to arrive, we had theater tickets, I witnessed a couple who had clearly weathered some storms. This man walked in with the most enormous bouquet of roses I had ever seen. I mean ENORMOUS! Like the size of my body...huge!!! He was probably in his mid to late 60's and he presented them to this woman who I assume was his wife. He sort of came up behind her and presented them to her as if she had just won the Miss American pageant. You could tell she was completely surprised by this...I like to think it was completely out of character for him to do this. He said to her when he gave them to her he's thankful to have her by his side as they go through life and how much they have gone through and will continue to go through together. He ended by saying he was nothing without her. I swear to God I almost ran over there and hugged them....but I was afraid I'd spill my martini.
Talk about weathering a storm! I think that's what people don't do anymore...weather storms. We have become such a disposable society that the minute something gets hard we quit, we just stop trying. It's not like there won't be something else there again....right? People don't seem to work through the hard times....they seem to bail pretty quickly. Do we all need dance lessons?
I'm as guilty of this as the next person. I think about quitting something every day...life is hard. It's about finding that person or group of people that make you feel like you can make it...that you can weather the storm, dance in the rain with....it isn't necessarily about being with just ONE person. You couldn't possibly get all you need from just one person.
My parents never weathered any storms....well not together anyway. It seemed that they lived pretty separate lives...well my dad did anyway....he never seemed to really want the things my mom did....he seemed to want what he thought he was suppose to have and that never really made him happy. Maybe he is smarter that I give him credit for...maybe he forced himself to live a life he thought he was suppose to and in the end he ended up very unhappy and ultimately all alone.....maybe if he had dared to live the life he wanted things would be different...but then would I even be here? Too much to think about on more than a surface level....at least today.
The bar is pretty dang impressive in the St. Paul Hotel.....if you have never been there you should take me there sometime...I mean you should go there sometime.....it's just beautiful. There is a wall there filled with pictures of all these people who have contributed something to St. Paul....or just the hotel...not sure but I kinda felt a little inadequate...here I was....Joe average sipping my cocktail, staring out the window at Rice Park surrounded by all these amazing pictures of people. The founder of the first school in St. Paul, Executive Secretary of the NAACP, Architect of the Minnesota State Capital. How did they get their picture up on the wall?
What would my picture say - Wanted more than she had? Loved life and was a joy to be around?
What footprint will I leave and is it too late to even make one?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Life isn't like the movies
I was talking with some friends yesterday and we had the conversation that movies set unrealistic expectations for us. Take the movie Dan in Real Life. I love that movie...there is one scene in particular that kills me...the scene towards the end where he realizes that he really has feelings for this woman and has sort of a melt down in front of his family and it felt so real...it felt like it could actually happen. I want that in my life...the real moments. Why don't they seem to happen?
Do movies set us up to expect what we can never really have? The unattainable life?
I came across this quote today:
"Sometimes what people choose to write down on paper is more important than what they say."
It sure ties in with the thoughts noodling around in my head doesn't it. Scripts do seem to have some power. Maybe it's people's way of writing down the kind of life they want....if it's true that you have to put out in the Universe the things you want before they come true is that what writing is about? Do we have to put down in writing the things/life you want and it may happen? Not like I want to win the lottery and bam they call your numbers, more like an overview? I don't know....it seems to make sense on some level.
There are a few movies that really stick out in my mind as moments I wish were a part of my life so that I could have written them down. In the movie Always - the scene when Holly Hunter comes downstairs in that beautiful dress and all the forest fighting guys stop dead and stare at her and then she says....Nobody's touching this dress until they wash their hands and all the guys RUSH to wash their hands. What a moment....it's just a tiny part of the movie but I imagine if that actual moment happened it would be amazing.
In As Good as It Gets....when Jack Nicholson is sitting with Helen Hunt in the restaurant and he says to her "You make me want to be a better man". That one sucks the breath right out of me. Can you imagine being around another person that actually makes you want to be a better person....to actually feel that...to beleive that....amazing.
I guess I do want a movie themed kind of life but not like The Omen or anything.
Do movies set us up to expect what we can never really have? The unattainable life?
I came across this quote today:
"Sometimes what people choose to write down on paper is more important than what they say."
It sure ties in with the thoughts noodling around in my head doesn't it. Scripts do seem to have some power. Maybe it's people's way of writing down the kind of life they want....if it's true that you have to put out in the Universe the things you want before they come true is that what writing is about? Do we have to put down in writing the things/life you want and it may happen? Not like I want to win the lottery and bam they call your numbers, more like an overview? I don't know....it seems to make sense on some level.
There are a few movies that really stick out in my mind as moments I wish were a part of my life so that I could have written them down. In the movie Always - the scene when Holly Hunter comes downstairs in that beautiful dress and all the forest fighting guys stop dead and stare at her and then she says....Nobody's touching this dress until they wash their hands and all the guys RUSH to wash their hands. What a moment....it's just a tiny part of the movie but I imagine if that actual moment happened it would be amazing.
In As Good as It Gets....when Jack Nicholson is sitting with Helen Hunt in the restaurant and he says to her "You make me want to be a better man". That one sucks the breath right out of me. Can you imagine being around another person that actually makes you want to be a better person....to actually feel that...to beleive that....amazing.
I guess I do want a movie themed kind of life but not like The Omen or anything.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Time to fly
I was thinking as I drove to work this morning how does a person know it's time to move on? Move on from childhood, a job, a friendship, a relationship. Do you just know it's time or does the Universe have to kick you to make you see it? I've been struggling to hold on to things for so long I'm feeling exhausted....is it time to stop the fight and let go?
I see this young girl every morning walking to the bus stop and I always think why is that young girl (8/10 years old) out this early alone? I wonder does she have to or is she choosing to? I remember when I first moved out...I had just turned 17 and moved in with some friends. It was so freeing...I felt alive. Of course growing up with so many siblings and so much responsibility I felt I was ready....of course I wasn't. Same thing with relationships.....you always think your ready and then somewhere in the middle you wonder....what am I doing here...maybe that's just me. Are you ever really ready or do you have to hold your breath and leap? Leap and the net will appear. It's hard to be an adult.
All these things we do seem to give us value as to who we are. Our jobs, our friends, family and most importantly our relationships. They are sort of what makes us get up and go to a job we don't like, put up with family member that may make us a little nutty or deal with friends we just aren't that fond of but we do these things for the return to us. We give up peices of ourselves to get peices of something else. Is it a fair trade?
The holidays are a hard time to be single...not alone, well that too, but single. There are events or things to be done during these times that really require the presence of another person to really enjoy them....like putting up a tree, shopping, going to holiday parties.....couple or group things and when you are single you sort of feel out of place. Sometimes I feel like that but I've beenin this bubble for so long it doesn't really matter to me anymore - plus I love me a party!
I've noticed how sort of sad it makes some other people. Is it because they have only know that life....always had another person there to do things with and now being alone you don't know how to live your life alone? Working at the ET I've had the opportunity to talk with a lot more people and there are a few people who live there who are really struggling with being alone....I imagine this time of the year makes it even harder. I talk with them and try to point out the good things about this season, encourage them to think outside of themselves and to try to move past it but I realize people have to do that in their own time. I can't make them just like they couldn't make me.
Then I get to work and here is my message from the Universe today:
Just blows me away how it sort of knows what I'm thinking about even before I know what I'm thinking about. I also think it's amazing that yesterday I wrote about feeling vulnerable, well wondering what life would be like if we didn't worry, and today it says vulnerable doesn't mean powerless. I almost always feel powerless over my own life. Wild. We always have the power to change. Imagine that....we have the power.
We have the choice to choose when to fly.....it may not be the right time but isn't it really more about the journey we take rather than the path we are on? Wow....did I just say that?
Is it time to strap on my big girl shoes and start walking?
I see this young girl every morning walking to the bus stop and I always think why is that young girl (8/10 years old) out this early alone? I wonder does she have to or is she choosing to? I remember when I first moved out...I had just turned 17 and moved in with some friends. It was so freeing...I felt alive. Of course growing up with so many siblings and so much responsibility I felt I was ready....of course I wasn't. Same thing with relationships.....you always think your ready and then somewhere in the middle you wonder....what am I doing here...maybe that's just me. Are you ever really ready or do you have to hold your breath and leap? Leap and the net will appear. It's hard to be an adult.
All these things we do seem to give us value as to who we are. Our jobs, our friends, family and most importantly our relationships. They are sort of what makes us get up and go to a job we don't like, put up with family member that may make us a little nutty or deal with friends we just aren't that fond of but we do these things for the return to us. We give up peices of ourselves to get peices of something else. Is it a fair trade?
The holidays are a hard time to be single...not alone, well that too, but single. There are events or things to be done during these times that really require the presence of another person to really enjoy them....like putting up a tree, shopping, going to holiday parties.....couple or group things and when you are single you sort of feel out of place. Sometimes I feel like that but I've beenin this bubble for so long it doesn't really matter to me anymore - plus I love me a party!
I've noticed how sort of sad it makes some other people. Is it because they have only know that life....always had another person there to do things with and now being alone you don't know how to live your life alone? Working at the ET I've had the opportunity to talk with a lot more people and there are a few people who live there who are really struggling with being alone....I imagine this time of the year makes it even harder. I talk with them and try to point out the good things about this season, encourage them to think outside of themselves and to try to move past it but I realize people have to do that in their own time. I can't make them just like they couldn't make me.
Then I get to work and here is my message from the Universe today:
Sometimes, when you're feeling your lowestthe real you is summoned.
And you understand, maybe for the first time ever,how grand you are, because you discoverthat vulnerable doesn't mean powerless,scared doesn't mean lacking in beauty,and uncertainty doesn't mean that you're lost.
These realizations alone will set you on a journeythat will take you far beyond what
you used to think of as extraordinary.
There is always a bright side.
The Universe
We have the choice to choose when to fly.....it may not be the right time but isn't it really more about the journey we take rather than the path we are on? Wow....did I just say that?
Is it time to strap on my big girl shoes and start walking?
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Living the "What if" life
Time is elusive. I had a conversation with a friend who said the older you get the faster time seems to go by because in relation to how much time you have left to live, time goes by faster. When you are young you have so much to look forward to and when you become my age (ugh!) you realize you are half way through or more than halfway through your life. Time, it is elusive.
I was talking to a co-worker today and I made the comment that I really wish I had a kid. I think if I did, I would do so many things different. I then talked about this great set of pictures I saw once that I'd wish I'd done. This guy had a son and bought a man's suit and every year on the kids birthday he took his picture in the suit until his son grew into it. Man that's cool. I wish I had done something really creative with my life. He looked at me and said, it's not over yet. Do something. It made me sort of stop and think. Why do we do that? Why do we stop ourselves from doing stuff? We put these preconceived restraints on ourselves and say we can't. It's too late, I'm too old, I'm too poor, I'm....something....I can't. People of all ages have done amazing creative cool things. What's their secret? How do you get the courage to live a "what if" kind of life?
I wonder if I did have a child if they would have the courage to live a life without conditions? Would I have been the kind of parent that gave them a rope to hang onto or a ladder to climb? I guess we will never know but I like to think I would have encouraged them to break the barriers, to be more than they think they can be and to never settle.....that's what I feel like I've done....settled for a life less ordinary, less complicated, plain...simple....boring.
That's what I worry about at night when I try to go to sleep...that I've become ordinary and boring. Isn't that the silliest thing to even spend time worrying about? Really, worst case scenario I'm average, plain....even boring....does that make any difference in what I put out into the world? Maybe it does...maybe if that's what I'm telling myself then that is what I am reaping. You reap what you sew.....am I creating a life for myself I really don't want?
As usual, the Universe always responds....see Kurt...if you listen it responds....today it said this:
Let's find a new adjective for you, Dawn...
How about upercoolhappylovething?
Yeah, a bit clumsy. How about imaculate?
Yeah, ahh, tricky. So, how about just adored!?
Yeah, not new.
Last idea,
Dawn...imaginary.
Oh, that's really good.
Phew,The Universe
So there it is….I need a new adjective to describe me….to give me focus and hope.
What adjective do you have and what would you change it to?
Does changing our adjective really change our life?
Monday, December 1, 2008
Giving in or giving up
Sometimes a good cup of coffee can fix anything that's wrong in the world (mmm thanks Sarah!) and sometimes it can't.
Is there a difference between giving in and giving up? I know in order to move on you have to accept things and stop fighting but is that giving up or is that giving in? It seems that when it rains it pours....and lately it's felt that way for alot of my friends. Seems like things go wrong for them in bunches...not just one thing but several at one. God never gives us more than we can handle...or one door closes and another one opens but sometimes...it feels like too much. When do you decide to cut your losses and give up....or is it give in?
This morning I was listening to the radio and they were playing these requests from people asking for Christmas wishes...things like a new laptop, or to travel to see a sick or dying family member....one was to have enough money to buy a tree an presents for their kids. People all over seem to be in a state of distress.....is it always like this and the holidays just make us focus even more on what we don't have? Have they given up?
When do you decide enough is enough and stop hitting your head against a wall? Is that giving up or do you stop hitting your head and try something else...and that's giving in? Accept what the Universe gives you or do you fight it....challenge it...push it to give you something else.
I have found lately that I have been fighting an unknown force, something I have no power over, no control and absolutely NO way to change it so I decided I'm done...I gave up the fight...and I just accepted. I feel good about it...I feel less discombobulated and disconnected. I also remembered how much I like doing things for other people....little things they don't expect. Like bringing someone a cup of coffee, a book, of just a christmas decoration. Little things that bring unexpected joy to their day...well I like to think it does...it makes me feel better to think outside of myself.....and then this note from the Universe appeared today....
When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.
Maybe that's the key, stop thinking about yourself so much, help another person and in turn, you actually end up helping yourself. Isn't the Universe a smart being?
24 days until Christmas!
Is there a difference between giving in and giving up? I know in order to move on you have to accept things and stop fighting but is that giving up or is that giving in? It seems that when it rains it pours....and lately it's felt that way for alot of my friends. Seems like things go wrong for them in bunches...not just one thing but several at one. God never gives us more than we can handle...or one door closes and another one opens but sometimes...it feels like too much. When do you decide to cut your losses and give up....or is it give in?
This morning I was listening to the radio and they were playing these requests from people asking for Christmas wishes...things like a new laptop, or to travel to see a sick or dying family member....one was to have enough money to buy a tree an presents for their kids. People all over seem to be in a state of distress.....is it always like this and the holidays just make us focus even more on what we don't have? Have they given up?
When do you decide enough is enough and stop hitting your head against a wall? Is that giving up or do you stop hitting your head and try something else...and that's giving in? Accept what the Universe gives you or do you fight it....challenge it...push it to give you something else.
I have found lately that I have been fighting an unknown force, something I have no power over, no control and absolutely NO way to change it so I decided I'm done...I gave up the fight...and I just accepted. I feel good about it...I feel less discombobulated and disconnected. I also remembered how much I like doing things for other people....little things they don't expect. Like bringing someone a cup of coffee, a book, of just a christmas decoration. Little things that bring unexpected joy to their day...well I like to think it does...it makes me feel better to think outside of myself.....and then this note from the Universe appeared today....
When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.
Maybe that's the key, stop thinking about yourself so much, help another person and in turn, you actually end up helping yourself. Isn't the Universe a smart being?
24 days until Christmas!
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