Every day we wake up we choose who we are…who we will become. Everything we do every day, every action, every word, every movement comes back to who we are. Life sometimes teaches us lessons we don’t even realize mean anything until a lightbulb goes off.
It’s like we come to a path in the road and we choose, we choose one way over another and we try to make the best of it…..we search for the answers we don’t really need, we don’t even know we don’t need them until we come up empty. This isn’t who I’m supposed to be. Every mistake we make is a chance to learn, everytime we fail, we are just learning to become who we are.
What if we don’t really want to be THAT person anymore? What if we no longer want to be the person we have become? Is is that easy to choose a new us?
That my friends, is a whole new question and process. We grow up with an idea of who we are and who we want to be. We learn this from the people in our lives….or the lack of people in our lives. We become who we think we are supposed to be. If you grew up with people who valued education and hard work, that’s what you do, that’s who you become. If you grew up with people who valued art, imagination and free will …that’s who we become……with very few exceptions, we become who we think we are supposed to be. It’s only once we become an adult and strike out on our own that we suddenly decide there is more to life, to us, to the choices we make than the world we’ve created for ourselves. We begin to learn who we are.
There are lots of stories of those who grew up in a “good family” and yet they took the path less traveled…they didn’t follow in anyone’s footsteps…they became their own person. They live their life according to their own beliefs and rules. They veered off the path that life had set out in front of them only to find their own trail. My question is…..how do you know your who you are because it’s what YOU want to be or it’s what you THINK you’re supposed to be?
I always thought I’d be a wife, a mother, a teacher, a totally independent person who doesn’t need anyone for anything….I am woman hear me roar. I never imagined I’d be single, childless and sit behind a desk 8 hours a day working on someone else’s idea of success, someone else’s dream….never thought I’d have this life. Not to say it’s a bad life or an unimportant life, it’s just not at all what I imagined I’d be. I recently found an old journal of mine from when I was 12/13. Now I know the angst of being a pre-teen has its own issues but once you get past them (my sister stole my nail polish – my brother is such a jerk! Why won’t that boy notice me!?) once you get past the petty everyday pre-teen problems you can see the smattering of dreams sprinkled in there. I wanted to BE someone…I wanted to BE something…..I wanted so much more that I even knew. I often said things like “I can’t wait to have my own place” or I made lists of all the things I would buy once I got to have my own money…..it’s silly really - it was things like having more records (yes I said records!) or going to concerts or buying the clothes I wanted or the furniture I thought was super cool. I wanted sooooo badly to have a chair shaped like a giant hand…..why? because it was going to be AWESOME! But in there are the dreams of who I thought I would be….I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to work with kids, I wanted to have a life of play and carefree fun…..but the reality is…that’s not what being an adult is. There are bills to pay, a house to clean, clothes to be washed, grocery shopping to be done, bathrooms to clean……so much we take for granted as a kid…..sooooo much.
But knowing this…knowing full well now that we have the choice to be who we want to be – how do we choose? Everyday we have the option to change who we are, we can’t change anyone else’s idea of who they THINK we are, but we can change who we THINK we are. It’s all about choices. We choose each and every day the things we do and say. We choose our attitudes, what makes us happy, what makes us feel of value, of importance. It’s no one else’s choice but our own. We choose to keep people in our lives, we choose to let them go. We choose new jobs or to stay at one we hate. Every choice, every movement, everything we do creates who we are.
Who will you choose to be?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Music creates inspiration!
I imagine if I had the ability to formulate my thoughts, experiences or feelings into pretty words, I would be a song writer. I admire those who can channel an experience, good or bad, into a verse they can share with the world. I so love a song that feels like they have just crawled out of my head or soul and created a song JUST FOR ME. I sometimes feel quite afraid that song writers have actually been spying on me with hidden cameras to get “ideas” for their songs.
Inspiration...where does it come from?
Pink is one artist whom I feel a very close connection with. Her song Glitter in the Air:
“It's only half past the point of no return, The tip of the iceberg, The sun before the burn, The thunder before the lightning, The breath before the phrase, Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone” feels like she actually crawled inside my head and soul and wrote this song.
Or her song Perfect “The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear, The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer, So cool in line and we try try try, But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere They don’t like my jeans, they don't get my hair. Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do I do that?” could have been written after a coffee session with me. Honestly!
It seems that she has some hidden camera focused on my life and she wrote these songs TO me ABOUT me FOR me. I suppose in another way, it should comfort me to realize I am not the only one who is feeling this…who shares this thought on life, people and/or the power that connection holds. It should comfort me....but it doesn't.
I was obsessed with American Idol in the early days, I think because secretly I always wanted to be a singer, but the AI before it got all showy and popular. I was one of the early junkies of the show. I remember that moment when Kelly Clarkson came out to sing her song they wrote for her A Moment Like This – and I remember weeping at the words…the meaning…the power those words have. Words have so much power. Once they are said, once they are given a voice – they cannot be forgotten. In that song there is a line that says “Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this” and that line just reached out to my soul and kind of sucked my breath away…made me really think how we don’t even know that we are waiting for our “moment”.
What do we do to create those "moments" for ourselves? Do we give away our right and our power to others to create that for us? Do we allow ourselves the right to create that for ourselves or do we give in and let others control that FOR us? I’d like to believe that we don’t allow that to happen, that we take ownership for our own happiness, success, life – the reality is however, it’s usually based on lots of external factors we’ve convinced ourselves really matter.
I’ll be happy when I’m married, have kids, have a house, make more money, have a husband, a wife, a partner. I’ll be content when I have a new car, a better job, more vacations, a better partner than what I have now. I’ll be happier when I’m thinner, prettier, better dressed. Not to say that can’t happen or won’t, but we put all these conditions and terms and “rules” on ourselves that we almost make it impossible for us to succeed or to actually have a life we think we want. We also allow others to make that true, to then to make that our reality.
Take the recent Kardashian debacle. Kim’s marriage, her fairytale marriage is over. How many people watched that and used that as the example for a “perfect” life - for a happy life? How amazingly perfect things must be because they have each other, tons of money, amazing clothes, expensive cars, a ring that’s worth more than the grand total of EVERYTHING that I own. How many people set that as an example of a “perfect” life? I do, to an extent.....
Reality is harder than we think. It’s not sparkly and shiny. It’s seeing someone at their worst (physically and emotionally) and not walking away. It’s working 15 hour days to pay off debt. It’s going without lavish vacations or expensive purses or clothes or cars to keep a roof over your head. It’s working a a few jobs that earn you enough to survive. It’s being a friend to someone unconditionally. There is no cut, no take-two…no do-over. It’s real and it’s raw and hard and it’s always changing. It’s what we choose to make it.
So where’s the song to talk about this? Where’s the song to say “Meh, this isn’t my “fairytale” life but it’s MY life and I am going to make it be the best it can be” – or the song that says “I’m ok being the “no thank you” person in every piece of my life”.
Maybe I should consider my career as a song writer….perhaps it’s time to go down that path.
Inspiration...where does it come from?
Pink is one artist whom I feel a very close connection with. Her song Glitter in the Air:
“It's only half past the point of no return, The tip of the iceberg, The sun before the burn, The thunder before the lightning, The breath before the phrase, Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone” feels like she actually crawled inside my head and soul and wrote this song.
Or her song Perfect “The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear, The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer, So cool in line and we try try try, But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere They don’t like my jeans, they don't get my hair. Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do I do that?” could have been written after a coffee session with me. Honestly!
It seems that she has some hidden camera focused on my life and she wrote these songs TO me ABOUT me FOR me. I suppose in another way, it should comfort me to realize I am not the only one who is feeling this…who shares this thought on life, people and/or the power that connection holds. It should comfort me....but it doesn't.
I was obsessed with American Idol in the early days, I think because secretly I always wanted to be a singer, but the AI before it got all showy and popular. I was one of the early junkies of the show. I remember that moment when Kelly Clarkson came out to sing her song they wrote for her A Moment Like This – and I remember weeping at the words…the meaning…the power those words have. Words have so much power. Once they are said, once they are given a voice – they cannot be forgotten. In that song there is a line that says “Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this” and that line just reached out to my soul and kind of sucked my breath away…made me really think how we don’t even know that we are waiting for our “moment”.
What do we do to create those "moments" for ourselves? Do we give away our right and our power to others to create that for us? Do we allow ourselves the right to create that for ourselves or do we give in and let others control that FOR us? I’d like to believe that we don’t allow that to happen, that we take ownership for our own happiness, success, life – the reality is however, it’s usually based on lots of external factors we’ve convinced ourselves really matter.
I’ll be happy when I’m married, have kids, have a house, make more money, have a husband, a wife, a partner. I’ll be content when I have a new car, a better job, more vacations, a better partner than what I have now. I’ll be happier when I’m thinner, prettier, better dressed. Not to say that can’t happen or won’t, but we put all these conditions and terms and “rules” on ourselves that we almost make it impossible for us to succeed or to actually have a life we think we want. We also allow others to make that true, to then to make that our reality.
Take the recent Kardashian debacle. Kim’s marriage, her fairytale marriage is over. How many people watched that and used that as the example for a “perfect” life - for a happy life? How amazingly perfect things must be because they have each other, tons of money, amazing clothes, expensive cars, a ring that’s worth more than the grand total of EVERYTHING that I own. How many people set that as an example of a “perfect” life? I do, to an extent.....
Reality is harder than we think. It’s not sparkly and shiny. It’s seeing someone at their worst (physically and emotionally) and not walking away. It’s working 15 hour days to pay off debt. It’s going without lavish vacations or expensive purses or clothes or cars to keep a roof over your head. It’s working a a few jobs that earn you enough to survive. It’s being a friend to someone unconditionally. There is no cut, no take-two…no do-over. It’s real and it’s raw and hard and it’s always changing. It’s what we choose to make it.
So where’s the song to talk about this? Where’s the song to say “Meh, this isn’t my “fairytale” life but it’s MY life and I am going to make it be the best it can be” – or the song that says “I’m ok being the “no thank you” person in every piece of my life”.
Maybe I should consider my career as a song writer….perhaps it’s time to go down that path.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The path of least resistance
A moment changes everything whether it’s a twist of fate or the will of the Universe, a moment can change everything.
Something as simple as the one harmless thing you do….a stolen glance with someone that might lead to another’s broken heart, visions/dreams/hopes that live in our heads of the life we have envision for ourselves “someday”. The years go whipping by us and before we realize it we are where we are. Looking back we see that we have spent our energy and time running towards something - towards a life, a person, a destination – whatever it is, only to finally wake-up and realize we can no longer hide from even ourselves. That we are not who we even thought we were going to be and we are not where we thought we would be. Suddenly we are no longer able to hide all those feelings and thoughts and dreams that are inside of us, waiting to get out. Time is no longer our friend but a constant reminder that as long as a day is, it’s never enough time and suddenly we’ve never felt so far away and disconnected from life.
That’s when the moment changes everything - the way you think, feel, act…..look at things.
Suddenly nothing feels right, nothing works. Everything feels like you’re absolutely standing still in time. Now what do you do? There comes a time in life, a time we face the road we’ve chosen, the path we are on and we accept it. We own it and make it be the best of it. There is also the time we stop, take a deep breath and figure out what else might there be? What else is it that we are looking for? What else might be there that we don’t even see or know about? That time is now…that place is here and that moment will change everything.
So you start down a new path, you come to another fork in the road (there’s always a fork in the road) and you choose….you boldly walk down the path and come what may, there you are. Its human nature to choose the path of least resistance….it’s pretty much what the Universe is always telling us. If we’ve learned ANYTHING at all from Jurassic Park it was this – Jeff Goldblum (Dr. Malcolm) is talking about the natural affinity there is for the path of least resistance. He places a drop of water on his hand and lets it run off in the way it chooses to…the path it wants. Then, he does it again with another drop in a slightly different spot. The water “chooses” the same path as the first drop….this proves that everything seeks the path of least resistance. Is that right? What is that really telling us? Should we even TRY to choose a new path? Could we?
What does free will actually have to do with things then? Do we even HAVE free will or is it that we can choose a new path and then as we ignore the old path it becomes as ambiguous and unknown as the new path we are on so suddenly they start to look like each other and without thinking of it, we suddenly feel as if they ARE the same path and we quit fighting…..thus becoming the path of least resistance. It’s like we begin to mirror the old behaviors and suddenly they become the new and that’s how we end up in the same relationships or jobs or lots in life because as much as we think we are CHOOSING a new path, we aren’t.
Does it really come down to changing our own thoughts? Thoughts do become things...so ultimately our own success does lie at the fork in the road.
In the immortal voice of Yogi Berra “If you come a fork in the road, take it!”
Something as simple as the one harmless thing you do….a stolen glance with someone that might lead to another’s broken heart, visions/dreams/hopes that live in our heads of the life we have envision for ourselves “someday”. The years go whipping by us and before we realize it we are where we are. Looking back we see that we have spent our energy and time running towards something - towards a life, a person, a destination – whatever it is, only to finally wake-up and realize we can no longer hide from even ourselves. That we are not who we even thought we were going to be and we are not where we thought we would be. Suddenly we are no longer able to hide all those feelings and thoughts and dreams that are inside of us, waiting to get out. Time is no longer our friend but a constant reminder that as long as a day is, it’s never enough time and suddenly we’ve never felt so far away and disconnected from life.
That’s when the moment changes everything - the way you think, feel, act…..look at things.
Suddenly nothing feels right, nothing works. Everything feels like you’re absolutely standing still in time. Now what do you do? There comes a time in life, a time we face the road we’ve chosen, the path we are on and we accept it. We own it and make it be the best of it. There is also the time we stop, take a deep breath and figure out what else might there be? What else is it that we are looking for? What else might be there that we don’t even see or know about? That time is now…that place is here and that moment will change everything.
So you start down a new path, you come to another fork in the road (there’s always a fork in the road) and you choose….you boldly walk down the path and come what may, there you are. Its human nature to choose the path of least resistance….it’s pretty much what the Universe is always telling us. If we’ve learned ANYTHING at all from Jurassic Park it was this – Jeff Goldblum (Dr. Malcolm) is talking about the natural affinity there is for the path of least resistance. He places a drop of water on his hand and lets it run off in the way it chooses to…the path it wants. Then, he does it again with another drop in a slightly different spot. The water “chooses” the same path as the first drop….this proves that everything seeks the path of least resistance. Is that right? What is that really telling us? Should we even TRY to choose a new path? Could we?
What does free will actually have to do with things then? Do we even HAVE free will or is it that we can choose a new path and then as we ignore the old path it becomes as ambiguous and unknown as the new path we are on so suddenly they start to look like each other and without thinking of it, we suddenly feel as if they ARE the same path and we quit fighting…..thus becoming the path of least resistance. It’s like we begin to mirror the old behaviors and suddenly they become the new and that’s how we end up in the same relationships or jobs or lots in life because as much as we think we are CHOOSING a new path, we aren’t.
Does it really come down to changing our own thoughts? Thoughts do become things...so ultimately our own success does lie at the fork in the road.
In the immortal voice of Yogi Berra “If you come a fork in the road, take it!”
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