I imagine if I had the ability to formulate my thoughts, experiences or feelings into pretty words, I would be a song writer. I admire those who can channel an experience, good or bad, into a verse they can share with the world. I so love a song that feels like they have just crawled out of my head or soul and created a song JUST FOR ME. I sometimes feel quite afraid that song writers have actually been spying on me with hidden cameras to get “ideas” for their songs.
Inspiration...where does it come from?
Pink is one artist whom I feel a very close connection with. Her song Glitter in the Air:
“It's only half past the point of no return, The tip of the iceberg, The sun before the burn, The thunder before the lightning, The breath before the phrase, Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone” feels like she actually crawled inside my head and soul and wrote this song.
Or her song Perfect “The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear, The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer, So cool in line and we try try try, But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere They don’t like my jeans, they don't get my hair. Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do I do that?” could have been written after a coffee session with me. Honestly!
It seems that she has some hidden camera focused on my life and she wrote these songs TO me ABOUT me FOR me. I suppose in another way, it should comfort me to realize I am not the only one who is feeling this…who shares this thought on life, people and/or the power that connection holds. It should comfort me....but it doesn't.
I was obsessed with American Idol in the early days, I think because secretly I always wanted to be a singer, but the AI before it got all showy and popular. I was one of the early junkies of the show. I remember that moment when Kelly Clarkson came out to sing her song they wrote for her A Moment Like This – and I remember weeping at the words…the meaning…the power those words have. Words have so much power. Once they are said, once they are given a voice – they cannot be forgotten. In that song there is a line that says “Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this” and that line just reached out to my soul and kind of sucked my breath away…made me really think how we don’t even know that we are waiting for our “moment”.
What do we do to create those "moments" for ourselves? Do we give away our right and our power to others to create that for us? Do we allow ourselves the right to create that for ourselves or do we give in and let others control that FOR us? I’d like to believe that we don’t allow that to happen, that we take ownership for our own happiness, success, life – the reality is however, it’s usually based on lots of external factors we’ve convinced ourselves really matter.
I’ll be happy when I’m married, have kids, have a house, make more money, have a husband, a wife, a partner. I’ll be content when I have a new car, a better job, more vacations, a better partner than what I have now. I’ll be happier when I’m thinner, prettier, better dressed. Not to say that can’t happen or won’t, but we put all these conditions and terms and “rules” on ourselves that we almost make it impossible for us to succeed or to actually have a life we think we want. We also allow others to make that true, to then to make that our reality.
Take the recent Kardashian debacle. Kim’s marriage, her fairytale marriage is over. How many people watched that and used that as the example for a “perfect” life - for a happy life? How amazingly perfect things must be because they have each other, tons of money, amazing clothes, expensive cars, a ring that’s worth more than the grand total of EVERYTHING that I own. How many people set that as an example of a “perfect” life? I do, to an extent.....
Reality is harder than we think. It’s not sparkly and shiny. It’s seeing someone at their worst (physically and emotionally) and not walking away. It’s working 15 hour days to pay off debt. It’s going without lavish vacations or expensive purses or clothes or cars to keep a roof over your head. It’s working a a few jobs that earn you enough to survive. It’s being a friend to someone unconditionally. There is no cut, no take-two…no do-over. It’s real and it’s raw and hard and it’s always changing. It’s what we choose to make it.
So where’s the song to talk about this? Where’s the song to say “Meh, this isn’t my “fairytale” life but it’s MY life and I am going to make it be the best it can be” – or the song that says “I’m ok being the “no thank you” person in every piece of my life”.
Maybe I should consider my career as a song writer….perhaps it’s time to go down that path.
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