Saved up wishes

I recently came across some old photographs of my grandparents. They were young, like mid 30’s and they looked happy and carefree and it made me smile.  They had their whole lives in front of them and it didn’t appear they had all the worry lines that life provides added to them yet. They didn’t appear to be worried about their health as they sat happy as can be, both with a cigarette perched on their fingers and a cocktail in front of them.  They looked glamorous and completely content with their choices. Isn’t it funny how fast things change.

It got me thinking. Thinking about what they were thinking about. Did they have a plan for their future? Did they know sitting there on that blanket in some park that in 15/20 short years my grandfather’s health would deteriorate to a point that they would move from the cold home of Chicago to a warmer retirement climate in Florida?

That in an even shorter time the cancer would invade his body and slowly his seep into his brain until he had nothing left of who he ever was or thought he would be. Or the fact that my grandmother would be left alone in a city where she would live until I went down one November and packed up her life in a weekend to bring her back here, with her family, to die.

What did they wish for in those early days?  And did they ever achieve them?

I’ve been missing them a lot these days….maybe because of the holidays, they loved Christmas. My grandfather’s nick name was Frosty. My grandmother decorated a tree like no one ever does. Tinsel covered ever inch and I’m sure could be seen from space, it was glorious. I’ve been thinking about them and the life they lived. They saw some really tough times. They lived through a war, their only son, my uncle being in Vietnam. My mother marring a man they despised. Alcoholism, depression, death of family and friends…they saw it all and yet, they remained together and true to each other their entire life. There was no divorce, no walking away when things got hard but they took care of each other, they loved each other. With love anything is possible. Maybe it’s because they were two people who no matter what, loved me unconditionally. They never cared how much money I made, what I wore, if I was dating anyone…..they loved me….me for me. I miss that. 

I remember one time I asked my grandfather what his new year’s resolutions were. He laughed out loud. He had this amazing, raspy smoked one too many camel’s kind of laugh that always made me happy. He said I don’t waste my time making resolutions….I make lists of things and I try to get to them, if I don’t then I don’t….why set yourself up for failure. I sure do miss him.

“When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out.”

It’s like something has gotten lost along the way. Where are the saved up wishes?