Now I wouldn't call myself a beauty but I am not exactly hideous either. I find that the older I get the more I (try) to care about my appearance. I try not to go out in public looking like I literally just crawled out of bed, now I may feel like that (most) days but I try to look presentable. It always astonishes me when fairly attractive people come to work looking like they just got out of bed...like just 5 seconds ago. Can't they spare a few minutes to run a comb through their hair or my God slap on a little lipstick? Of course they also are able to get away with a day or two looking like that because they have their physical beauty that distracts most people from their dishelved outwardly appearance...right? What would your reaction be if you saw say some celeb out looking like that and me...you'd think oh they must be working so hard and me...you'd probably just think I was lazy. Right? Hey...I don't make the rules.
I'm certainly not one to judge beauty by any means but there are some days I'm surprised by the attention my clothes or particular outfit attracts and even on a super good day my hair. When people say you look nice today or I love that outfit I think - what the hell? Image is important. Isn't that why I try to look presentable everyday, I run a comb through my hair, slap on some lipstick and by God I try to wear clothes that make me look presentable even though I'm not society's vision of beauty. Which by the way I personally could care less about.
Beauty is a funny concept. When I think about some of what I would consider the beautiful people in my life I don't know that according to Glamour magazine or Self or some other beauty magazine they would meet the so called standards of beauty. Isn't beauty more about how one person treats another human being or even themselves? I say yes. I also know some really physically beautiful people that just aren't really that beautiful. See...it's all a mix mash of stuff. Isn't it funny what kinds of thoughts begin to fill ones head when you see a physically pretty person looking all disheveled and a hot mess early in the morning. Hmm, maybe there is hope for me after all.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Even keel people frighten me
You know those types of people, the ones who are very measured and calm in their tone and movements. Unlike me....anyone who knows me knows I am not even toned, calm or quiet. Words that do describe my personality are things like expressive, animated, over the top......you get the point. Well lately it's come to my attention that these personality traits I possess are not "normal". I mean I've always know I wasn't "normal" (man I hate that word) but I've always sort of embraced it as part of who I am...my charm but now I'm wondering why others can't see that as well. I've been told I get amped up pretty easily....I prefer to call it passionate!
Last night my new class started - HR Management. My teacher is a an HR person at the U of M and also a lawyer, he is obviously driven and he is very thoughtful about his words. He is very calm and appears to be very intelligent and is very measured and even in his delivery of material. He doesn't mess around, he seems to have a sense of humor but when he laughs he just sort of smiles and doesn't seem to give into a big old out loud laugh. I think he and I on a desert island would be an interesting combo. I'd probably drive him to drink salt water in about 10 days...maybe 8 if there were no chance of rescue.
At my mid year review a few weeks back there were a few comments made that sort of bothered me at the time but until last night I didn't realize why....I mean I knew why at the time but last night it sort of clicked the proverbial light bulb on for me. I'm not normal....I'm not and I'm TOTALLY ok with that but it seems most others aren't. Funny....I remember growing up with my mom spouting things like "just because everyone else is jumping off the bridge doesn't mean you have to jump too" and yet here I am....40 some years old and people in many parts of my life telling me to jump with the rest of the fools. Hmm, interesting. I don't know if I want to drink that kool aide. I like who I am...I like what I do and most importantly I'm not "normal". I'm ok with that and frankly I think others should come over to my side of the bridge...I'm having Crystal Light!
Last night my new class started - HR Management. My teacher is a an HR person at the U of M and also a lawyer, he is obviously driven and he is very thoughtful about his words. He is very calm and appears to be very intelligent and is very measured and even in his delivery of material. He doesn't mess around, he seems to have a sense of humor but when he laughs he just sort of smiles and doesn't seem to give into a big old out loud laugh. I think he and I on a desert island would be an interesting combo. I'd probably drive him to drink salt water in about 10 days...maybe 8 if there were no chance of rescue.
At my mid year review a few weeks back there were a few comments made that sort of bothered me at the time but until last night I didn't realize why....I mean I knew why at the time but last night it sort of clicked the proverbial light bulb on for me. I'm not normal....I'm not and I'm TOTALLY ok with that but it seems most others aren't. Funny....I remember growing up with my mom spouting things like "just because everyone else is jumping off the bridge doesn't mean you have to jump too" and yet here I am....40 some years old and people in many parts of my life telling me to jump with the rest of the fools. Hmm, interesting. I don't know if I want to drink that kool aide. I like who I am...I like what I do and most importantly I'm not "normal". I'm ok with that and frankly I think others should come over to my side of the bridge...I'm having Crystal Light!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I'm back
I feel like I have alot to say but no real place to say it. I missed blogging and the more I read other blogs I've decided it was time to bring my blogging back.
Not sure what caused this, maybe it's the insane amt of free time I suddenly find myself having. I've never really had this much free time available and I really am at a loss as to what to do besides spend it spending money. How does one balance the fact that their life has slowed down to a normal pace and yet all I want to do is find ways or new people to fill it back up. Clearly that says something deep and profound about me - doesn't it?
When I have freetime I tend to spiral out of control in the thinking dept. I start to analyze, um, over anaylze myself to the point it makes me crazy. My thoughts start spinning out of control and I find myself obsessing on the weirdest things. You know that statement that says put it out there and let the universe decide....well what if I keep putting thoughts out there but the universe never responds....does that mean I need to move or or does it mean I am suppose to keep putting it out there or what? What does it mean? See I have too much free time. I don't like it. Some people thrive on quiet time, free evenings, long walks on the beach...me...no thanks, I need to be doing things...I don't get this time thing. Ugh.
It doesn't help I suppose that work is not all that engaging at the moment or that pretty much anything in my life is engaging - plus just because I have all this open time doesn't mean I want to fill it with just anything - I want it to be engaging. I guess I should be using this time to find my life's purpose. Well to define it anyway. Isn't that why I'm going back to school? Isn't that why I keep asking the universe for things it refuses to give me....to have a purpose. I found a great quote that sort of summed up what I've been trying to get my words around...wish I had written this "The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, tobe productive, to be useful, to have it made some difference that you have lived at all" - Leo Rosten
That Leo is one smart dude....here all along I thought if I was just happy things would fall into place, my life would be perfect, good....fullfilling....but you know what....it's not quite there. So I guess the key or the secret is to matter. How do you matter? Hey universe....help me matter.
Not sure what caused this, maybe it's the insane amt of free time I suddenly find myself having. I've never really had this much free time available and I really am at a loss as to what to do besides spend it spending money. How does one balance the fact that their life has slowed down to a normal pace and yet all I want to do is find ways or new people to fill it back up. Clearly that says something deep and profound about me - doesn't it?
When I have freetime I tend to spiral out of control in the thinking dept. I start to analyze, um, over anaylze myself to the point it makes me crazy. My thoughts start spinning out of control and I find myself obsessing on the weirdest things. You know that statement that says put it out there and let the universe decide....well what if I keep putting thoughts out there but the universe never responds....does that mean I need to move or or does it mean I am suppose to keep putting it out there or what? What does it mean? See I have too much free time. I don't like it. Some people thrive on quiet time, free evenings, long walks on the beach...me...no thanks, I need to be doing things...I don't get this time thing. Ugh.
It doesn't help I suppose that work is not all that engaging at the moment or that pretty much anything in my life is engaging - plus just because I have all this open time doesn't mean I want to fill it with just anything - I want it to be engaging. I guess I should be using this time to find my life's purpose. Well to define it anyway. Isn't that why I'm going back to school? Isn't that why I keep asking the universe for things it refuses to give me....to have a purpose. I found a great quote that sort of summed up what I've been trying to get my words around...wish I had written this "The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, tobe productive, to be useful, to have it made some difference that you have lived at all" - Leo Rosten
That Leo is one smart dude....here all along I thought if I was just happy things would fall into place, my life would be perfect, good....fullfilling....but you know what....it's not quite there. So I guess the key or the secret is to matter. How do you matter? Hey universe....help me matter.
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