Time flies!

So I realized today that this year is almost over. I had a conversation with a friend this morning that reminded me how really short life can be. It's odd how fast time really does go by. She is adopted and just found her birth parents......her mother is sick but her father, her birth father was healthy, happy, successful and she had finally established a relationship with him but he was unexpectedly killed by a drunk driver over the last weekend. She was conflicted on how to feel and how to process it all. It got me to thinking.....time really does fly by us without much control.

If I could write a letter to myself as a younger person I would tell myself these things......that things we think are a BIG deal...really aren't. Life isn't always what you think it's going to be. You have to be able to roll with the punches and now worry what anyone else thinks. As long as you are good and kind and treat others as you want to be treated, you are going to be OK. Save more than you spend. You DON'T need all those "things" you think you do. You need a safe place to live, a reliable car and a few really amazing, good friends you can call ANYTIME to talk you off the ledge. The boy or girl you THINK you love who doesn't know you exist....isn't worth your time or energy. At some point at sometime someone will come along and see how amazing you are and will hold your hand like no one else ever has...that' the person you hang on to. That's the person you give your energy and time and soul to. The rest of them don't matter. You can and WILL out grow your childhood.....your parents......your sibling fights...they don't really last! There is always that one person, and maybe it's not the person you thought it would be....it may not be your wife/husband/partner/lover/boyfriend/girlfriend....that you can turn to when no one else gets you....but find them and hang on to them for all they are worth. That a college education DOES make a difference......that learning to take care of yourself and to only rely on you for your own happiness is the only thing you need to remember. Laugh every day. Be nice to old people...they have already walked the path you are beginning on. No one gets through this life alone. Love like you will never get hurt and give like you have all the money in the world. Don't forget to tell those people in your life you love them.....even if you think they know it.....you never know when you won't have the chance againg to say so.

Time waits for no one. We all get older, we all make choices every single day that effect the next and the next. Live with no regrets and do what makes you happy but doesn't hurt another person.

That's all I have on this random Wednesday night.

Changing by not changing

You know that old saying….everything changes…the only thing certain in life are death and taxes. Every day we are forced to accept change, to be adaptable, to go with the flow, to just do it….well what if I don’t? What if I just say no…what if I refuse to change?

Isn’t the very fact that I’m NOT changing actually a change? I mean really, at some point don’t we have to say NO to the stupidness that others seem to inflict upon our lives and our very beings without our permission? Don’t we get to draw the line in the sand and say uh uh…no way, not gonna happen!?

I’ve had a few days that have felt like I’m on some hidden camera show and people are doing things to purposely make me wonder if I am sane…..if there is a reason I get up and TRY everyday. It’s been those kinds of crazy moments that just make you think there HAS to be a camera on me right now because this just isn’t possible!

A woman sametime messaged me, which is like an email but instant….telling me how I could better do my job. Something, I might add I’ve been doing and doing well for about 2 years now…but she had the audacity to tell me a better way….or what she thought was better…when I told her thank you but I’ve got this…she proceeded to clarify why she thought I should do my job differently. I again reminded her that it was fine, I appreciate her input but I got this….again she comes back, in MORE detail which I promptly replied I am not interested in our opinion but thank you. Oh it doesn’t end there….she then oversteps her boundaries yet again…long story …..but I sent her and email saying this is not YOUR job nor do you have the permission or the RIGHT to do this…she actually called me.

She picked up the phone and called me saying I don’t understand the tone of your email - you capitalized words in the middle of your sentence. I was confused by your tone. I said…has no one ever YELLED at you in email…because that’s the equivalent of me YELLING AT YOU. Do you understand my tone now? Sweet God!

Oh I wish I could make this stuff up! So really, she must be so bored that she randomly decides she can offer her input on how someone else should do their job. My thought is…girl….you want this job? Take it…do it….run with it! Sweet God ….that’s all I can bring myself to say.

So….by not changing I figure I am actually changing…so what self-help book do I find that in?

Taking the time

This last weekend I got to see the results of my hard work over the last year. I have been planning this conference for about a year now from the resort, to the speakers, to the menu, entertainment….all the fine details that go into making a conference work I have been working on. Not 100% alone, I was lucky enough to have the assistance of a good friend who often talked me off the ledge as I began to spin out of control with all the “to-do’s” and a really great Board that did whatever I asked of them.

It was a great turn out too….we had the most attend a fall conference that we’ve had in several years. I’d like to say it was me…but really, it probably was more the timing, the cost or location, possibly the speakers….and maybe a teeny bit me…but it was great. I was very stressed and overwhelmed getting to the point of the conference starting but with the blink of an eye….it’s over. It’s kind of left a gaping hole in my life, time and nights. I spent so many nights working on the little details and checking and double checking my lists that now I’m not even sure what to do with myself!

It’s funny how that happens. We work so hard TOWARDS something and with a blink of the eye it’s over. What do we do with all that energy and guster we’ve mustered up to keep us plugging along? I’m completely exhausted….like I haven’t been in a very long time. I fell asleep on my couch Sunday night at about 7 p.m. and didn’t wake up until about 3 a.m. I probably could have slept that whole Monday away had it now been for the fact that I had to work. I wish I could have spent a little more down time at the actual resort…it was so beautiful and my room was AMAZING and the time with my friend was nice too…it just went by too fast. I feel like I really didn’t get to enjoy it as much as I could have.

The conference was centered around a person getting their “mojo” back…and once you have it, how do you keep it?

I'm trying to practice all the speakers told us, shared with us...but when you get back to your life it gets hard. It gets complicated an oogey. In that atmosphere I can totally get all rah rah and on board with what I have to do but once I get back to my world, my desk, my 409 emails....I lose my guster...my mojo..my higher purpose. I get sucked into the slouched body, the furrowed eyebrows, the desire to reach through the phone and slap people....it all comes flowing back to me like a river. Ahhh, the stress and chaos of everyday life is there waiting for me like an old friend.

In a perfect world I would do what I was told, what makes sense...I would say NO and mean it. I would delegate and be OK with it....I would only do what I can do and go home happy and content that I make a difference....but actually I can't say no...I'm over ruled (it's hard being a peon) I can delegate but I can't trust that it actually get's done...because more often than not it DOESN'T get done unless I'm there to nag it along and it seems that no matter how much I want to walk out the door at a certain time, I'm stopped....I'm trapped.

I GET to do this....day in and day out...I don't HAVE to....I GET to. Yes...that's what I HAVE to remind myself of.