Listening to the quiet

It's in the calm quietness you will find the answers you seek. Makes me sound quite zen-like and balanced doesn't it? Well I'm not either. I'm just trying to find intention with myself.

I hate making New Year’s resolutions. It feels like a constant set-up for disappointment and failure. I know the basic rules of life: be nice to others, treat others as you wish to be treated – all the stuff you learned in kindergarten about playing nice in the sand box. I realize that as we get older we start to make our own choices as to who we are, who we think we want to be and we start walking in that direction. It’s a path of constant improvement and change.

I’m talking about the resolutions like losing weight, or finances or whatever lofty goal we try to set that often doesn’t make it past the first month. Those types of resolutions seem daunting and quite honestly, why do you have to wait for the first of the year to change that? Why not decide that in say March or August and just do it? What is so magical about the first of the year that makes us believe everything is possible?

Possibly we are still riding the high of the holiday’s…a constant sugar buzz and as we wean ourselves off the sugar, we start to come back to reality….the reality is we are responsible for our own results. Therefore, I refuse to set myself up for disappointment. Instead I resolve to do a few things FOR myself that will ultimately be beneficial to those around me.

I resolve to be more patient. Not one of my strongest attributes. I grew up with the mentality that if you don’t do it, don't have it or don't say it RIGHT NOW, you won’t. End of story…a maybe is never a positive outcome. So, I have to learn to trust that maybe is sometimes what the answer has to be. I have to call on my inner strength to muster up the will power to accept maybe as an answer and be OK with it.

I resolve to spend more time with my family and friends that I have this year. I’ve spent a lot of time this year on my IAAP stuff and I’ve been working three jobs – all in all it’s good for me, but kind of leaves me isolated from my own life at the same time. So I will make some changes in other parts of my life that will help me do more of this. It’s not what we do, just that we are together, enjoying time and the connection that we obviously share. I keep looking to the future for the someday thing and I’m missing the here and now things.

I resolve to not say anything if I can’t add value. If my thoughts and my opinions aren’t going to help or add value, what’s the point of putting them out there? Meaning that I want to me more intentional in my thoughts and deeds and not just be saying and doing things hust for the sake of it. I want there to be meaning and purpose behind them and I want to add value, purpose and meaning to myself and my life.

I want to accept what is and not want more. This one is my biggest challenge. I get that we should strive for more, for better, for exception in everything we do and touch, but without a clear and purposeful meaning it’s like spinning wheels in mud…you can keep on moving teeny tiny nuggets but you won’t actually get anywhere. Accepting who I am and where I am in my own life is the place to start. This one kind of scares me because it’s really the overarching part of my very being, if I can’t do this, how can I expect to move on to anything new?

So, there it is, a new year, a new plan and new possibilities. Who knows what this year will bring.

It’s okay to look back, but it’s best not to stare.