Somedays you wake up and everything in life seems possible....other days it feels totally impossible...but yet we keep plugging away and putting one foot in front of the other until it feels possible again.
This weekend is going to be FULL of possible! My father passed away last year - kind of unexpectedly but if anyone knew him, it wasn’t really THAT unexpected. He had been sick on and off for years. Multiple emergency trips to the ER that my sisters endured, often early in the morning or late at night, because they were the closest not only personally but locally. He was often not expected to pull through the latest bought of some sort of medication/heart failure/blood pressure kind of mess….but he always did. With his stubborn, strong as-an-ox pace maker assisted heart, he always pulled through…until the one time he didn’t. But that’s not important now.
Upon his death my siblings and I gathered to clean out his house, to basically erase his existence from this earth with a family pow wow one Sunday afternoon in April. Within several hours, all traces, well almost all traces, of Vic was removed from the apartment he called home. His belongings boxed up to be sold or donated and some claimed by his grandchildren and children, but mostly, within a few hours he was physically and materialistically gone. All that was left to do was to say our good-byes and bury him. We actually cremated him. I don’t recall right now if that was HIS wish or ours…but it made sense. My father was never one to plant his feet anywhere and call it home. He has a few brothers left in Chicago and Nebraska but other than that, just us, his remaining gene pool, to call his world. So we cremated him. We all seemed to be in agreement of it, which is a feat within itself to get a large group of people to agree on anything. I remember all descending upon the funeral home we chose and I often wondered if that funeral director ever had that many people in a room making the last choices of an individual. The room was filled with my sisters, my mom, my nieces and nephews (his grandchildren) and if I really think back, it’s possible a pet was in there too. Anyway, we had him cremated and in a few days we could pick him up and do what we wanted with him.
Ahh…the possibilities!
It was probably the first time that I can ever remember that we, the children, got to make ANY decision regarding him. In one way, it was a little empowering, in another, quite sad for my siblings….as this was their last moments with their father. So there we had him…all neat and tidy in a small box ready to do something with him. We knew he loved fishing, probably was the one thing in his life he actually LOVED. That apparently was where his happy place was…so we decided we would let him fish forever by releasing him into the water he loved so much. So we planned, we made it possible, everyone adjusted their life, their schedules and we went, as a family, to his happy place and we read a poem, sent him away on a boat and sprinkled him into the waters he loved so much. Just like that, Vic was one with the water.
The possibilities for him now were endless. He would become part of something so much bigger than he ever was, he would meld and blend and become one with all that touched that water. There were tears, there were stories, there was drinking….a toast of his favorite greek beverage that tasted like lighter fluid and we all went back to our lives with the solemn vow that once a year, we would gather as a family and spend some time together while we were all here. We agreed upon a weekend in June and we all planned our lives around it. That weekend is coming up…June 8-10. Yes the siblings and their families are gathering and celebrating life and family and all that we are….in tiny cabins nestled along the waters our father cherished so much.
There will be stories, there will be drinking and I’m guessing there will be tears - but the possibilities of this gathering are infinite. The weather looks to be beautiful and both my brother and brother-in-law have boats so among the large gathering, we may be able to score a boat ride or two. There will be kids, adults, my mom, multiple nieces and nephews and their significant others and of course pets. There will be pets. Now picture this….we have reserved three 2-bedroom cabins that each accommodate possibly 6 people. Each cabin has the same things – bedroom 1 sports a queen size (or double?) bed, the other has 2 twins and each cabin has a futon that folds out. So…..potentially 6 people could sleep there……moderately comfortably I would say but as usual….with this group, we are an exception to the rule. In my cabin there will be 8 – possibly 9 adults and a dog. In cabin 2, my brother and his family I believe are at the count of 9 plus two dogs and finally in cabin 3, I think they are at 9 as well, a 2 year old and an 8 year old but pet free….so yes….the weather MUST cooperate for us.
Oh the possibilities of this weekend! I am giddy with a touch of apprehension. This is going to go one of two ways, it’s either going to be insanely fun-filled, laugh packed and silliness abound or it’s going to be a chaotic nightmare that seems like there is no escape from….50/50 shot. I know last year we had more space and less people in a room and yet we all gathered in my sisters cabin at night and laughed until my sides hurt and told stories and had an absolutely delightful time and I was in a knee brace having blown out my ACL. I was in a moderate amount of pain (no pain pills) and I still had a rocking good time….so I’m led to believe that this year, the possibilities of the same are pretty high.
I imagine we will be outdoors all day Saturday playing, boating, building family memories….it will just be the night time when the possibilities change. I’m driving all by myself…mostly because I want to have an escape option if I need it and also, I am really feeling like with that many people crammed together, I might really enjoy the 3 ½ hour car ride alone. Details of the weekend will follow.
I wonder, if my father had not died….what possibly would have made us gather together as a family and share some time in our lives like this? I mean we do this at Christmas but it's usually only a few hours and then we all go back to our lives, touching base here and there but rarely as a whole group. We get so busy trying to create our own lives, our own purpose, raising kids, taking care of pets, working or looking for our life partner that we forget about the family connection. It seems only in times of tragedy do we pull together to remember the possibilities that family offers – the fun, the chaos, the madness that makes us.....us. The people that unconditionally love us despite every single fault or mistake we’ve ever made.
So here's to the possibilies life offers us. May you find some possible in your own life and not wait for life to force it upon you.
1 comment:
That was your best blog ever, Dawn! It was filled with memories of your dad as well as how grateful you are for the love and support of family. I love how you see the positive side to even difficult situations and how you are always looking toward the future. It's obvious that you have great love for your family, and in the end, that's the most important thing of all. Thanks for such a wonderful read! You always leave me thinking, and that's the mark of a really good writer.
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