The masks we wear

In almost every situation we wear a mask....at work, at home; in real life...we have many masks we wear. Some we choose on purpose, some we are forced to wear....it's something we learn early in life. Typically masks are the personality layer that we add and edit based on what we want to show to others. Our masks are created to hide the parts of us we don't like or to adapt to someone's version of who we are supposed to be. They are not authentic in any way and for the most part, we don't even realize the masks we wear.

This is a learned behavior....parenting and culture all take part in the early development of these masks. If you look at kids, they don't mask anything...they let you know exactly what's going on. If they are happy, sad, mad or anything...they let you know...it's as we get older and get taught that what we feel or think are not....what's the right word...acceptable...makes others uncomfortable....is wrong? Somehow we learn as we age, that what we feel must be masked, hidden, and kept out of view.

These learned skills are necessary to survive but they can stop us from being authentic or having real needs met.

For instance, if you grew up where self-control is valued and emotions are viewed as weak or wrong, you might develop a tough, nothing-can-touch-me persona that dismisses difficulties and looks down on those who show flaws. We are all flawed and vulnerable, although to different degrees, some of us are just better at hiding it than others, even to ourselves. The inability to express ourselves and show real feelings prevents us from experiencing real intimacy in relationships.

And then there is the working world....where it’s expected that we manage ourselves professionally. We are expected to be a certain way in action, deed and appearance. It's a hard mask to wear. I've almost always been a what-you-see-is-what-you-get type of a person but somehow that doesn't translate well into the corporate world. I'm expected to be a certain way that in itself is confining limiting and it's exhausting. It takes a lot of energy to keep a mask in place.

Masks are the protective barrier we put up to deal with an essential human insecurity: that we are not enough as we are. Sometimes we confuse our masks with who we are. Separating the image of who we think we should be from who we want to be can be difficult and we become quite attached to the masks we wear.

We all are, well I guess I am, a social creatures, who need to belong. Belonging makes me feel connected and happy. But belonging while wearing a mask is less satisfying. One must learn to drop the mask a bit and become the true, authentic self. Being authentic is how we learn to belong on our own terms.

If you want to be authentic you need to look at your masks, you may still need to hold onto some - but you may be ready to let some go. Who do you think you are? Lift the mask. Who do you think you are now? Since the purpose of a mask is the need to be loved and accepted as we are, we need to be sure we are giving that back to others as well, thus be more authentic. You do get what you give.