I feel like I have alot to say but no real place to say it. I missed blogging and the more I read other blogs I've decided it was time to bring my blogging back.
Not sure what caused this, maybe it's the insane amt of free time I suddenly find myself having. I've never really had this much free time available and I really am at a loss as to what to do besides spend it spending money. How does one balance the fact that their life has slowed down to a normal pace and yet all I want to do is find ways or new people to fill it back up. Clearly that says something deep and profound about me - doesn't it?
When I have freetime I tend to spiral out of control in the thinking dept. I start to analyze, um, over anaylze myself to the point it makes me crazy. My thoughts start spinning out of control and I find myself obsessing on the weirdest things. You know that statement that says put it out there and let the universe decide....well what if I keep putting thoughts out there but the universe never responds....does that mean I need to move or or does it mean I am suppose to keep putting it out there or what? What does it mean? See I have too much free time. I don't like it. Some people thrive on quiet time, free evenings, long walks on the beach...me...no thanks, I need to be doing things...I don't get this time thing. Ugh.
It doesn't help I suppose that work is not all that engaging at the moment or that pretty much anything in my life is engaging - plus just because I have all this open time doesn't mean I want to fill it with just anything - I want it to be engaging. I guess I should be using this time to find my life's purpose. Well to define it anyway. Isn't that why I'm going back to school? Isn't that why I keep asking the universe for things it refuses to give me....to have a purpose. I found a great quote that sort of summed up what I've been trying to get my words around...wish I had written this "The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, tobe productive, to be useful, to have it made some difference that you have lived at all" - Leo Rosten
That Leo is one smart dude....here all along I thought if I was just happy things would fall into place, my life would be perfect, good....fullfilling....but you know what....it's not quite there. So I guess the key or the secret is to matter. How do you matter? Hey universe....help me matter.
3 comments:
Welcome back to the world of blogging. Hopefully you will be more dedicated than I've become!
:-)
I think at this advanced stage in your life :) maybe there would be benefit in figuring out in what ways you already do matter and just get better at that. Because you do indeed matter.
YEAH--it's back!!! And, I just deleted the link on my favorites about 2 weeks ago...go figure!
It was GREAT seeing you this weekend. Thanks for making the trip down to Mo-town!!
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