What we really want

I wonder if we ever get to a point in our life where we no longer want. We no longer wish for the good old days back, we accept where we are, the path we have chosen and accept that we really have no control or say over life. Do we ever become OK and content with the life we have? Is that what most people would call a "normal" life or is it settling for what we have? When do we give up the fight and just keep living? Why does it feel like we have to have either/or?


I wonder, if we knew then what we know now, would we change anything about our lives or the decisions we made in moment? Would we change what we said, did, wore - wouldn't that change who we are now? Sometimes we learn and grow from the experiences we go through, the heartbreaks, the fun, the things that leave scars on our hearts. If we knew then what we know now would we really choose a different path? Isn't who we are right now based on all we have experienced thus far? I realize there are some really painful things that come upon us and crush our souls from the inside out, but really, it's who we are. Who would we be without that experience?

I think we are all put here for a reason, the more we struggle, search and hunt for that "reason" the more elusive it becomes. It's like a greased pig, every time you think you have your arms around it, it slips out and runs away. I think sometimes you just have to settle into a life, a routine a system and everything will work out like it's suppose to. If we let go and stop fighting it's easier. When we release our attachment to the outcome, we allow the magic to happen - right?

We spend a good part of our life trying on all these different masks of who we think we are suppose to be. It seems to be an elusive search for the one that is US, the one that is who we are. Cardboard masks of all the people we have been, we end up throwing them away over and over again, continuing to search for the one that fits us.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you are willing to give anything to get it? What are you willing to do for it? I think we have days where we feel like we can change who we are and we begin to move in that direction, we move onto a new path and we push forward and forge into a new direction and unless we are true to who we are it's short-lived, no matter how hard we try to hang on to it. I've learned that you can't control things, you can't hold on to things that really aren't meant to be. In the whole scheme of things, we have very little control over things. We really can manage or control our reaction or feelings to things around us. Sometimes it's overwhelming and it's easier to give up and other days we feel empowered to change the world.

Even if it's our own small little corner of it.