Hindsight is always 20/20. Looking back over this last year so many things seem really obvious to me now. Things I should have done differently, said, not said, worn, not worn...you get the idea. So many things happened and at the time I couldn't understand the reason, the purpose, the idea behind them.
It was a year of a lot of changes out of my control. No one likes that but I especially have a hard time with that. I lost a beloved family member in January and throughout the year I had a few other endings that really affected me and took some time to settle into my soul, to let me really feel them. Time is our best friend and our worst enemy. Mostly all out of my control but I had a hand in their demise to a point. You can only ever control yourself, your reaction, your feelings about things, but sometimes, unknown to even us, we do things to drive away friends, lovers, co-workers and even family. Sometimes, without even realizing the damage we do, we drive a wedge that is pretty hard to get past.
Looking back it's a little easier to see some of the wrong choices I made - would I change them if I could? Of course the answer is yes, but really, they happened for a reason, a lesson is to be learned from all of it in the end I suppose, but at this very moment, it's hard to say it's a good lesson. I think we are who we are suppose to be because of the choices we make. Some good, some bad, but overall, we become or evolve into the person we are at this very moment based on the choices we've made before. All we can do is to hope to learn from them and to make better ones going forward.
I can't focus on what I've done or didn't do. I can't live in that pool of maybe...maybe if I'd said this then this would have happened, or if I did this then this wouldn't have happened...it did. It's done - no use focusing on what was...all we have is what is...what will be, what MIGHT be. All I can do is look at the here and now and try to do the best I can as I move forward onto the 2011 path.
I had coffee with a friend and we joked that this was our year of "doing it." We declared it so at a Caribou on a cold winter's morning and I am going to do my best to focus on that mantra and make that happen. The year of "doing it" has begun.
To start us off on the right foot we are going to have a little ceremony....we discussed it in general terms and then we got an email from our Yoga studio we love , and they are doing the same thing only a little bigger so we are now adopting it and doing it to....the burning bowl ceremony, this practice helps externalize the internal.
The Burning bowl Ceremony is very simple, you take two pieces of paper one white and one purple. The White piece of paper is for writing down something or some quality that you would like to "give away", things that you want to release, in the upcoming month/year. Write down regrets, negative thoughts, bad habits, grudges, destructive relationships and any other anchors to the past, inhibiting ideas and practices which stifle you.
The Purple piece of paper is for writing down the new things you want to receive into your life or some quality that you want to manifest in the up coming month/year to replace the old things you are releasing.
The purple paper with the new things you desired in your life will be folded up, sealed, and put into a manila envelope. The envelope will be sealed and reopened later.
You will then light the white piece of paper with a candle and then place the burning paper into a pot. Once the paper is in the pot, turn way and never look back at the paper, which is definitely symbolic of letting go.
By doing this, we become aware of what we wish to "give away" and what we want to receive in our lives. Through this practice we may realize that this life is truly filled with blessings that have been awaiting our acceptance.
So I encourage you all to do the same. May this year be filled with amazing things for us all!
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