Learning to let go

The older we get, the more set in our own ways and habits we become. If find I am less willing to change things, habits, routines, work processes as I get older. I mean, it's worked fine this long, why spend all the energy and time on changing it...right? It's hard to let things go. I can't seem to get on that path of letting things go...I hang on to them like a dog and a ratty old bone.

Recently my job has me re-evaluating this thought. I personally have always taken pride and ownership of the work I do. I want it to be the best it can be, I work hard to be sure it's right, to be as error free as possible, to feel proud of what I've done. My thought is I'd like to be able to look back at the end of my day and feel a sense of accomplishment and pride over what I've just spent the last 8/10/12 hours of my life doing...but lately it seems like I am constantly fighting a losing battle. That what I do doesn't really matter......and that's kind of hard. I have to let it go.

Currently my position is as assistant editor of our internal intranet. I edit other people's work and I am also responsible for some new and hopefully EXCITING content from time to time. Occasionally I am asked to write something new and other times I am asked to write a recap article on an event that has taken place.

Recently there was a one hour meeting where some key leaders shared their thoughts and opinions on the external marketplace and how it affects our business. I was charged with writing a recap article on this event keeping it to about 300 words for the leaders providing links to the documentation and back up materials and another, higher level overview, for the general masses that were not at the meeting. It was a challenge and I spent probably about 5 hours on the 300 word recap article as I had to listen to the audio playback 3 times trying to capture the key points and quotes....then another few hours expanding that for the general masses. Within a few hours the two articles came back to me COMPLETELY different from where I even started. I questioned why I was even writing them in the beginning but then after all that time and energy put into them to have them come back as these new forms was kind of.....disturbing.

It's not that I care it's not really my words...I'm not really that invested in that piece of it...it's just so disappointing to me that I seem to spend endless hours doing this work that ultimately means absolutely nothing. I don't feel like I am contributing or creating anything that really means anything. I guess I don't feel like I'm making any kind of input or adding value in any way and it's kind of frustrating to me. I mean, I should just let things go....just do what is asked of me, stop questioning, stop trying harder, stop wanting it to be something more than what it really is.

I think that's an over arching feeling/message in every part of my life right now. Both personally and professionally I feel like I'm not really adding any value to the bigger picture. I feel like a gerbil on a wheel...I just keep running and running and running and yet I'm always in the same place. It's funny how something like a recap article can stir up this deep thinking.

How do you come to terms with the life you ultimately have in front of you? How do you just keep on keeping on doing this process day after day after day when you don't find the value in it? How do you let go and learn to just keep going?