It's in the calm quietness you will find the answers you seek. Makes me sound quite zen-like and balanced doesn't it? Well I'm not either. I'm just trying to find intention with myself.
I hate making New Year’s resolutions. It feels like a constant set-up for disappointment and failure. I know the basic rules of life: be nice to others, treat others as you wish to be treated – all the stuff you learned in kindergarten about playing nice in the sand box. I realize that as we get older we start to make our own choices as to who we are, who we think we want to be and we start walking in that direction. It’s a path of constant improvement and change.
I’m talking about the resolutions like losing weight, or finances or whatever lofty goal we try to set that often doesn’t make it past the first month. Those types of resolutions seem daunting and quite honestly, why do you have to wait for the first of the year to change that? Why not decide that in say March or August and just do it? What is so magical about the first of the year that makes us believe everything is possible?
Possibly we are still riding the high of the holiday’s…a constant sugar buzz and as we wean ourselves off the sugar, we start to come back to reality….the reality is we are responsible for our own results. Therefore, I refuse to set myself up for disappointment. Instead I resolve to do a few things FOR myself that will ultimately be beneficial to those around me.
I resolve to be more patient. Not one of my strongest attributes. I grew up with the mentality that if you don’t do it, don't have it or don't say it RIGHT NOW, you won’t. End of story…a maybe is never a positive outcome. So, I have to learn to trust that maybe is sometimes what the answer has to be. I have to call on my inner strength to muster up the will power to accept maybe as an answer and be OK with it.
I resolve to spend more time with my family and friends that I have this year. I’ve spent a lot of time this year on my IAAP stuff and I’ve been working three jobs – all in all it’s good for me, but kind of leaves me isolated from my own life at the same time. So I will make some changes in other parts of my life that will help me do more of this. It’s not what we do, just that we are together, enjoying time and the connection that we obviously share. I keep looking to the future for the someday thing and I’m missing the here and now things.
I resolve to not say anything if I can’t add value. If my thoughts and my opinions aren’t going to help or add value, what’s the point of putting them out there? Meaning that I want to me more intentional in my thoughts and deeds and not just be saying and doing things hust for the sake of it. I want there to be meaning and purpose behind them and I want to add value, purpose and meaning to myself and my life.
I want to accept what is and not want more. This one is my biggest challenge. I get that we should strive for more, for better, for exception in everything we do and touch, but without a clear and purposeful meaning it’s like spinning wheels in mud…you can keep on moving teeny tiny nuggets but you won’t actually get anywhere. Accepting who I am and where I am in my own life is the place to start. This one kind of scares me because it’s really the overarching part of my very being, if I can’t do this, how can I expect to move on to anything new?
So, there it is, a new year, a new plan and new possibilities. Who knows what this year will bring.
It’s okay to look back, but it’s best not to stare.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, December 26, 2011
Am I the Grinch?
"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." - Dr. Seuss
Christmas came and went in the blink of an eye, for me it did anyway. It doesn't have anything to do with the gifts or the parties or the "stuff"...not like it used to. Do I miss the Christmas times of my youth when I awoke and raced downstairs to gaze upon stockings so full of unknown surprises....filled to the brim with candy and treats and small gifts? Gasping at the mass of presents under the tree as far as my eyes could see? Some wrapped...some too big to be wrapped and hoping they were ALL for me! Maybe a little. I think what I miss most of all is the connection that day/time brings. The meaning behind all the "stuff".
When you get older and your alone you don't really get that....connection anymore. You don't have that magic moment that makes you feel like you are a part of something bigger. So maybe I do sympathize a little more with the Grinch than I'd like to admit. When I wake up on Christmas morning there is no magic moment...no WOW for me. It's a day like any other day for me and if I'm not with family, I still have to make my own coffee. It's just another day.
This year seemed particularly different to me. Maybe because I worked retail and I got to witness first hand the amount of "stuff" people were buying. It's a little crazy really. I mean don't get me wrong, I LOVE presents and I LOVE to give them....but I can't help but wonder why we stress ourselves out so much and spend so much for that moment of waking for that magic feeling? Is it worth it? Can't we do something year round or at unplanned times in the year to show the special someone's in our lives they matter? I know we can...but why don't we? Why don't I?
I seem to have lost my mojo for holidays this year. Even my own birthday went by without much of a clatter...that's not really me but it seems, it may be who I have become. Do we really become someone completely different out of the blue?
Another year's end is fast approaching. I used to love New Year's eve. Loved the possibility of a new start, that maybe THIS year I will be someplace where confetti falls from the ceiling at midnight and that maybe, just maybe this year will be amazing! But it seems, that one year just sort of blurs right into the next and nothing much changes...maybe the faces of those around you change....you lose some friends...gain some new ones...you move, have new neighbors....give up going out with certain groups or suddenly decide to not spend time with others. Faces and places change but really what remains central is you...you are the center of your own Universe.
What changes can one really make in a year? I mean some simple ones but the big, internal, life changers take more time. I was told this story recently of a man who made a list of life questions for his father in an attempt to get to know him better. Because, as we all know, we age as fast as our parents do and they surely won't be around forever. In an attempt to get to know more about his father he made a list of 37 questions...he gave the list to his father and hoped, one day, to have answers. Of course you know the father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly but as the son was cleaning out his fathers house, he came across the list and most of the questions had been answered by his father....he found great comfort in this. Having lost my own father this year, made me wonder a bit...who was he really. What I thought I knew of him is all I will ever have. I don't know what made him happy, what childhood memories he took with him into his life. I don't know if he was living the life he chose or did his life choose him? What did he feel about his time in the military? Why did he pick my mother to marry? Was he really always the sad, unhappy, mean, selfish man I knew at the end? Was there ever a time in his life where he wanted something more? Different? Did he even try? Made me think....when I'm gone, what might someone want to know about me?
Since I don't have children of my own to leave a legacy too, or to take care of me when I'm old I will count on my nieces and nephews...they will have to take care of their Auntie. We all have a unfinished life story, what does our final chapter look like?
I want to ask my mom somethings before she's gone: 1) What's been your greatest moment? 2) What is your biggest fear? 3) Why did you marry dad? 4) When were you at your absolute happiest? 5) What advice would you have to pass on? 6) If you could change one thing, what would it be and why?
I did a mini version of this with my grandmother when I had some alone time with her before I moved her to Minnesota, where she died shortly after. I remember asking my grandmother if you could change one thing in your past, go back and do one thing differently what would it be and why? At first she laughed it off, and said what does it matter, it didn't happen, you can't change what is. You just have to make the best of the life your given and be happy with that. I remember thinking to myself - that's true but didn't she have hopes or desires or dreams or wants that never happened no matter the life she had? Couldn't she have possibly wanted anything more that what she had? On the last night in Florida, after I had spent a week in 90 degree weather packing up her life and her house, giving away almost everything she owned, having had to watch an 86 year old woman say good bye to the life and friends she had known, it occurred me, that who we ARE is composed of more than just our thoughts and dreams. All the "stuff" we accumulate through our lives is part of us to.
I tossed away furniture, pots and pans, brooms, Tupperware, and stuff that to me had no meaning. It was just clutter that there was no room for in my mothers house where I was taking my grandmother to. I cleared out all the "stuff " in her life with careless abandonment because I was focused on getting her home....to my mom's house...and all this "stuff" was just clutter in my way. I never gave any thought that that meant anything to her. Looking back at that last night we spent in Florida, in a cheap hotel right by the airport sitting in the warm night air I wish I were more present in that moment. I wish I had more thought to when, quietly as we sat rocking in the swing on the porch in the hot Florida night my grandmother said "I would have said I love you more".
I was exhausted, tired and emotionally drained from packing up and making decisions about all her stuff and lying to her about it....yes Grandma, I packed those up...when in reality I threw them away or gave them away. I got rid of her life in 3 days with barely a thought of what things meant. The pots and pans she owned her whole married life with my grandfather who had passed 10 years earlier, the furniture they bought together, the lamps they picked out, everything had to go - I was so focused on getting home I forgot her life, her stuff, her things - mattered. I said what are you talking about Grandma? Taking a long puff on her Salem 100's cigarette, she said....I would have said I love you more. I looked at her quizzically thinking - wow, she has really lost it now.
She stared off into the night sky and simply said: you asked me what would I change if I could go back and do one thing differently - I think it matters that people know you love them. And not just saying it...showing it. She then continued to smoke her cigarette until it was a tiny nub of the filter left and we didn't say another word - we just sat there rocking. I can't remember exactly what thoughts were going through my head but they sure weren't OMG! That's amazing..I want to remember that...I want to carry that back into my life, I want to tell people I love them....and not just tell them...show them. Actions speak louder than words. But I didn't...not then anyway...I trudged on with my life and continued on as if any day were the same as the last.
The last time I spoke with my grandmother was a few days before she died. I remember visiting her in the nursing home, a little angry that I had to go...that I HAD to go visit. It early January and she had been in there since right after Thanksgiving. Her body started shutting down and just before Christmas they told us it wouldn't be long. So we went...everyday to see her and to hold her hand and to tell her we loved her. She stopped eating and really responding in early January and we knew the time was close. The day she died, January 14, the nurse came into her room and said Hi Annie, what are you going to do today? My grandmother hadn't really responded much in the last few weeks...but that day she said she was going home to Chicago. The nurse said well have a good trip. At some point after the nurse left my grandmother slipped quietly away and went home to Chicago. That is where my grandfather was buried and grandma decided it was time to go home. She just slipped away and that was that.
I hadn't thought much about that moment or that time until this Christmas. Maybe because it was the first Christmas without one of my parents...it was harder for my sisters than it was for me, which made it hard for me. Who wants to see anyone sad? It made me think of my Christmas's as a child and all the excitement that came with Christmas morning and then my grandparents coming over and the smell of the house as Christmas dinner cooked and we all played with all our new stuff and how happy we all were...for just that teeny block of time. I miss that. I miss that moment with my sisters and brother....the sound of a house full of people and the smell of Christmas dinner and the fresh tree.
So perhaps the Grinch was right after all - it can come without ribbons or tags. It's not about the packages, boxes or bags. Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
Christmas came and went in the blink of an eye, for me it did anyway. It doesn't have anything to do with the gifts or the parties or the "stuff"...not like it used to. Do I miss the Christmas times of my youth when I awoke and raced downstairs to gaze upon stockings so full of unknown surprises....filled to the brim with candy and treats and small gifts? Gasping at the mass of presents under the tree as far as my eyes could see? Some wrapped...some too big to be wrapped and hoping they were ALL for me! Maybe a little. I think what I miss most of all is the connection that day/time brings. The meaning behind all the "stuff".
When you get older and your alone you don't really get that....connection anymore. You don't have that magic moment that makes you feel like you are a part of something bigger. So maybe I do sympathize a little more with the Grinch than I'd like to admit. When I wake up on Christmas morning there is no magic moment...no WOW for me. It's a day like any other day for me and if I'm not with family, I still have to make my own coffee. It's just another day.
This year seemed particularly different to me. Maybe because I worked retail and I got to witness first hand the amount of "stuff" people were buying. It's a little crazy really. I mean don't get me wrong, I LOVE presents and I LOVE to give them....but I can't help but wonder why we stress ourselves out so much and spend so much for that moment of waking for that magic feeling? Is it worth it? Can't we do something year round or at unplanned times in the year to show the special someone's in our lives they matter? I know we can...but why don't we? Why don't I?
I seem to have lost my mojo for holidays this year. Even my own birthday went by without much of a clatter...that's not really me but it seems, it may be who I have become. Do we really become someone completely different out of the blue?
Another year's end is fast approaching. I used to love New Year's eve. Loved the possibility of a new start, that maybe THIS year I will be someplace where confetti falls from the ceiling at midnight and that maybe, just maybe this year will be amazing! But it seems, that one year just sort of blurs right into the next and nothing much changes...maybe the faces of those around you change....you lose some friends...gain some new ones...you move, have new neighbors....give up going out with certain groups or suddenly decide to not spend time with others. Faces and places change but really what remains central is you...you are the center of your own Universe.
What changes can one really make in a year? I mean some simple ones but the big, internal, life changers take more time. I was told this story recently of a man who made a list of life questions for his father in an attempt to get to know him better. Because, as we all know, we age as fast as our parents do and they surely won't be around forever. In an attempt to get to know more about his father he made a list of 37 questions...he gave the list to his father and hoped, one day, to have answers. Of course you know the father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly but as the son was cleaning out his fathers house, he came across the list and most of the questions had been answered by his father....he found great comfort in this. Having lost my own father this year, made me wonder a bit...who was he really. What I thought I knew of him is all I will ever have. I don't know what made him happy, what childhood memories he took with him into his life. I don't know if he was living the life he chose or did his life choose him? What did he feel about his time in the military? Why did he pick my mother to marry? Was he really always the sad, unhappy, mean, selfish man I knew at the end? Was there ever a time in his life where he wanted something more? Different? Did he even try? Made me think....when I'm gone, what might someone want to know about me?
Since I don't have children of my own to leave a legacy too, or to take care of me when I'm old I will count on my nieces and nephews...they will have to take care of their Auntie. We all have a unfinished life story, what does our final chapter look like?
I want to ask my mom somethings before she's gone: 1) What's been your greatest moment? 2) What is your biggest fear? 3) Why did you marry dad? 4) When were you at your absolute happiest? 5) What advice would you have to pass on? 6) If you could change one thing, what would it be and why?
I did a mini version of this with my grandmother when I had some alone time with her before I moved her to Minnesota, where she died shortly after. I remember asking my grandmother if you could change one thing in your past, go back and do one thing differently what would it be and why? At first she laughed it off, and said what does it matter, it didn't happen, you can't change what is. You just have to make the best of the life your given and be happy with that. I remember thinking to myself - that's true but didn't she have hopes or desires or dreams or wants that never happened no matter the life she had? Couldn't she have possibly wanted anything more that what she had? On the last night in Florida, after I had spent a week in 90 degree weather packing up her life and her house, giving away almost everything she owned, having had to watch an 86 year old woman say good bye to the life and friends she had known, it occurred me, that who we ARE is composed of more than just our thoughts and dreams. All the "stuff" we accumulate through our lives is part of us to.
I tossed away furniture, pots and pans, brooms, Tupperware, and stuff that to me had no meaning. It was just clutter that there was no room for in my mothers house where I was taking my grandmother to. I cleared out all the "stuff " in her life with careless abandonment because I was focused on getting her home....to my mom's house...and all this "stuff" was just clutter in my way. I never gave any thought that that meant anything to her. Looking back at that last night we spent in Florida, in a cheap hotel right by the airport sitting in the warm night air I wish I were more present in that moment. I wish I had more thought to when, quietly as we sat rocking in the swing on the porch in the hot Florida night my grandmother said "I would have said I love you more".
I was exhausted, tired and emotionally drained from packing up and making decisions about all her stuff and lying to her about it....yes Grandma, I packed those up...when in reality I threw them away or gave them away. I got rid of her life in 3 days with barely a thought of what things meant. The pots and pans she owned her whole married life with my grandfather who had passed 10 years earlier, the furniture they bought together, the lamps they picked out, everything had to go - I was so focused on getting home I forgot her life, her stuff, her things - mattered. I said what are you talking about Grandma? Taking a long puff on her Salem 100's cigarette, she said....I would have said I love you more. I looked at her quizzically thinking - wow, she has really lost it now.
She stared off into the night sky and simply said: you asked me what would I change if I could go back and do one thing differently - I think it matters that people know you love them. And not just saying it...showing it. She then continued to smoke her cigarette until it was a tiny nub of the filter left and we didn't say another word - we just sat there rocking. I can't remember exactly what thoughts were going through my head but they sure weren't OMG! That's amazing..I want to remember that...I want to carry that back into my life, I want to tell people I love them....and not just tell them...show them. Actions speak louder than words. But I didn't...not then anyway...I trudged on with my life and continued on as if any day were the same as the last.
The last time I spoke with my grandmother was a few days before she died. I remember visiting her in the nursing home, a little angry that I had to go...that I HAD to go visit. It early January and she had been in there since right after Thanksgiving. Her body started shutting down and just before Christmas they told us it wouldn't be long. So we went...everyday to see her and to hold her hand and to tell her we loved her. She stopped eating and really responding in early January and we knew the time was close. The day she died, January 14, the nurse came into her room and said Hi Annie, what are you going to do today? My grandmother hadn't really responded much in the last few weeks...but that day she said she was going home to Chicago. The nurse said well have a good trip. At some point after the nurse left my grandmother slipped quietly away and went home to Chicago. That is where my grandfather was buried and grandma decided it was time to go home. She just slipped away and that was that.
I hadn't thought much about that moment or that time until this Christmas. Maybe because it was the first Christmas without one of my parents...it was harder for my sisters than it was for me, which made it hard for me. Who wants to see anyone sad? It made me think of my Christmas's as a child and all the excitement that came with Christmas morning and then my grandparents coming over and the smell of the house as Christmas dinner cooked and we all played with all our new stuff and how happy we all were...for just that teeny block of time. I miss that. I miss that moment with my sisters and brother....the sound of a house full of people and the smell of Christmas dinner and the fresh tree.
So perhaps the Grinch was right after all - it can come without ribbons or tags. It's not about the packages, boxes or bags. Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
Monday, December 19, 2011
There are no such things as coincidences…..
Or are there?
The word “coincidence” is actually two words, “co” and “incidence,” which means when two things happen at the same time for no apparent reason.
It’s been said that coincidences are just routine patterns that we haven’t yet recognized. Is it a “coincidence” that I have coffee every morning (well, mostly if someone else is making it) or is it routine, habit…part of me?
Sometimes in the midst of chaos, routine is what keeps us sane, keeps us going….keeps us plugging along the life path we’ve chosen to be on. Every day we take the same way to work, drink the same cup of coffee, go to the same job and starting it all over again the very next day HOPING something will be different…but the circle continues…the wheels keep turning and we keep moving until something, like fate, jumps in to remind us, we aren’t alone.
Life is something planned…we figure out who we think we want to be early on and we move towards it. We pick a school, a job, a career, a life, a mate…..we plan….mostly leaving nothing to chance, for a the life we think we want. “Show us signs along our path that lead us to the answers we need right now to advance our lives in accordance with our happiness."
Hopefully we are planning a life based on our own happiness, but that’s another issue all together. If anyone took the time to watch us, I mean to study our lives from the outside, they would see no coincidences, no change in our easy, predictable, traceable routines. It’s really just a breathable version of connect the dots. Every once in a while however, fate gives us a nudge, like a giant elbow to the head, causing our routine to skip a beat, just for a second, making us remember we’re still alive. A sudden job loss, the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship…any big life change is there to tap us on the shoulder and remind us to live our live, not just coast through. It’s easy to get caught up in a routine.
Sometimes that’s what we have to do for a short time. When I was in school, my life was filled with nothing BUT routine. I went to class Tuesday nights, did the reading or assignments (homework) Wednesdays, had a professional commitment on Thursdays….Friday was MY night. Usually it consisted of sleep, or errands or trying to reconnect with family and friends. Saturdays it was meeting with my group or doing more homework, Sunday was cleaning, laundry, shopping and finishing up any last minute house/life stuff which lead us into Monday, which was devoted to making sure homework was done and ready for Tuesday class. It was that way for so long that when it finally ended, I almost had a breakdown….now what do I do? Coincidence? Routine? Whatever it was, it got me through a challenging time. Now the trick is to find that balance in everyday life so we don’t have to go through these stages of routine waiting for fate to slap us in the head to remind us were here.
Is it a coincidence we’ve become friends, lovers, partners, husbands, wives…..family with people we’ve met? Is the Universe conspiring to send us those people that we need? Have you ever met someone and before you know it you can’t imagine your life without that person in it? You can’t imagine waking up one day not seeing them, talking to them, having them be a part of your whole entire being? Is that a coincidence or is it fate?
Fate is the supposed force or power that predetermines events, a series of inevitable events that we don't choose or control. If you believe in fate, it’s probably bigger than just that simple statement, but you have to accept the fact that you have no idea what is going to happen, that someone or something bigger than you,however, does. Has our “fate” already been decided for us or do we get to plan that as we make our own life choices? Is the entire cosmos system out there deciding for us or do we meet people along the way (coincidence) that redirect us and take us to new/different paths?
“The man, who knows something, knows that he knows nothing at all” So are you ready to accept that? Believing in coincidences doesn’t mean that we are stuck with a life of simplicity, or that our actions don’t matter, choice is always a part of our own lives. Our actions matter. Our choices matter. Everyday we get to choose the things we want to keep in our lives and the things/people/jobs/stuff it may be time to let go of. Other than that, you have no way of knowing specifically how you will influence the universe; you can only assume that if you live life passionately, pursuing a life dedicated to your own pursuit of happiness, that your effect will be positive.
In this life, that may be as good as it gets.
The word “coincidence” is actually two words, “co” and “incidence,” which means when two things happen at the same time for no apparent reason.
It’s been said that coincidences are just routine patterns that we haven’t yet recognized. Is it a “coincidence” that I have coffee every morning (well, mostly if someone else is making it) or is it routine, habit…part of me?
Sometimes in the midst of chaos, routine is what keeps us sane, keeps us going….keeps us plugging along the life path we’ve chosen to be on. Every day we take the same way to work, drink the same cup of coffee, go to the same job and starting it all over again the very next day HOPING something will be different…but the circle continues…the wheels keep turning and we keep moving until something, like fate, jumps in to remind us, we aren’t alone.
Life is something planned…we figure out who we think we want to be early on and we move towards it. We pick a school, a job, a career, a life, a mate…..we plan….mostly leaving nothing to chance, for a the life we think we want. “Show us signs along our path that lead us to the answers we need right now to advance our lives in accordance with our happiness."
Hopefully we are planning a life based on our own happiness, but that’s another issue all together. If anyone took the time to watch us, I mean to study our lives from the outside, they would see no coincidences, no change in our easy, predictable, traceable routines. It’s really just a breathable version of connect the dots. Every once in a while however, fate gives us a nudge, like a giant elbow to the head, causing our routine to skip a beat, just for a second, making us remember we’re still alive. A sudden job loss, the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship…any big life change is there to tap us on the shoulder and remind us to live our live, not just coast through. It’s easy to get caught up in a routine.
Sometimes that’s what we have to do for a short time. When I was in school, my life was filled with nothing BUT routine. I went to class Tuesday nights, did the reading or assignments (homework) Wednesdays, had a professional commitment on Thursdays….Friday was MY night. Usually it consisted of sleep, or errands or trying to reconnect with family and friends. Saturdays it was meeting with my group or doing more homework, Sunday was cleaning, laundry, shopping and finishing up any last minute house/life stuff which lead us into Monday, which was devoted to making sure homework was done and ready for Tuesday class. It was that way for so long that when it finally ended, I almost had a breakdown….now what do I do? Coincidence? Routine? Whatever it was, it got me through a challenging time. Now the trick is to find that balance in everyday life so we don’t have to go through these stages of routine waiting for fate to slap us in the head to remind us were here.
Is it a coincidence we’ve become friends, lovers, partners, husbands, wives…..family with people we’ve met? Is the Universe conspiring to send us those people that we need? Have you ever met someone and before you know it you can’t imagine your life without that person in it? You can’t imagine waking up one day not seeing them, talking to them, having them be a part of your whole entire being? Is that a coincidence or is it fate?
Fate is the supposed force or power that predetermines events, a series of inevitable events that we don't choose or control. If you believe in fate, it’s probably bigger than just that simple statement, but you have to accept the fact that you have no idea what is going to happen, that someone or something bigger than you,however, does. Has our “fate” already been decided for us or do we get to plan that as we make our own life choices? Is the entire cosmos system out there deciding for us or do we meet people along the way (coincidence) that redirect us and take us to new/different paths?
“The man, who knows something, knows that he knows nothing at all” So are you ready to accept that? Believing in coincidences doesn’t mean that we are stuck with a life of simplicity, or that our actions don’t matter, choice is always a part of our own lives. Our actions matter. Our choices matter. Everyday we get to choose the things we want to keep in our lives and the things/people/jobs/stuff it may be time to let go of. Other than that, you have no way of knowing specifically how you will influence the universe; you can only assume that if you live life passionately, pursuing a life dedicated to your own pursuit of happiness, that your effect will be positive.
In this life, that may be as good as it gets.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Lost in my mind
Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we forget some of the basics. I've been living that way for a long time now, caught up in life....the elusive hunt for the things that gives up purpose, meaning....a reason to be. It's time to give up that ghost.
I think 2012 is going to have to be a year of getting back to the basics. These simple everyday things that seem to get lost in the shuffle of us trying to “be” something…or to “get” somewhere. Somewhere in our lives, we've bought into all the consumerism and the fact that we, just as we are, aren't enough. It's time to remember or realize that we DO have all we need.
The most important thing we have in our lives is our connections to others….the friendships we’ve cultivated, the family (for better or worse) we’ve got and the jobs we stay at. It’s time to get back to the simple things in life and hopefully that will help create a road map that leads us out of the muddled mess that has us lost in our own minds.
Treat others as you want to be treated. This one is a hard one. Especially if you work retail during the holidays, you see the worst (sometimes the best, but more often not) in people. The greed, the inability others have to see anyone or anything outside their own bubble. I’m sorry I don’t have control over a manufacturer who only produces a small quantity of the Muppet's nail polish. Please don’t yell at me like I’ve personally stolen your first born child and sold them for a bowl of oatmeal. And yes, everything has exceptions…this includes the $3.50 coupon you are standing here arguing with me about….how much in gas did you spend to drive here and how much is that name brand everything your wearing cost? You want to argue with me why you can’t save $3.50 off your $8.00 purchase when the coupon CLEARLY states it’s with a $10 purchase? Really? You want to fight THAT battle? Here….why don’t I just open my cash drawer and give you…let’s say all the $20 bills I have in here…..will that make you happy?
Treat others as you want to be treated….don’t yell at a cashier making $10 an hour because you can’t use your $3.50 coupon on high-end $25 mascara…..suck it up and get a $6 tube of Maybelle for God’s sake….heck, get 3 tubes!
A friend of mine was recently doing a talk pre-holiday....about learning to be true to ourselves during these times. He talked about this Hindu phrase he uses as his mantra "neti neti". Loosely translated it means "not this, not that". I'm sure there is some deeply hidden spiritual meaning behind it but for this purpose, let's keep it simple. Neti neti. I feel that, I get that, I pretty much want to OWN that statement.
If you ask me what I want I can't answer that, I can however, very clearly tell you what I DON'T want....neti neti. I think along with that phrase needs to go the tag line "stop doing the things that don't work for you". This may eventually lead us into the things that do??? Maybe?
So the pre-holiday talk consisted of 4 bullets - 1) Neti neit 2) Start a new tradition 3) Find your peeps 4) Start seeing with new eyes. They all of course, tie into each other. Stop doing the things that don't work for you. Don't do things just because you always have. The holidays still come and go even if you don't spend 6 hours at your family's. Surround yourself with people who fill your bucket....who energize you...support you....love you... and finally take off the rose colored glasses and look at things as they really are. You are never going to have a Hallmark holiday....so quit expecting it.
Lost in my mind, no where to go, lost in my mind, no room for new thoughts. If you keep your brain filled with all the old things how can you expect anything new to infiltrate and change?
We create our own life one choice at a time. Choose wisely.
I think 2012 is going to have to be a year of getting back to the basics. These simple everyday things that seem to get lost in the shuffle of us trying to “be” something…or to “get” somewhere. Somewhere in our lives, we've bought into all the consumerism and the fact that we, just as we are, aren't enough. It's time to remember or realize that we DO have all we need.
The most important thing we have in our lives is our connections to others….the friendships we’ve cultivated, the family (for better or worse) we’ve got and the jobs we stay at. It’s time to get back to the simple things in life and hopefully that will help create a road map that leads us out of the muddled mess that has us lost in our own minds.
Treat others as you want to be treated. This one is a hard one. Especially if you work retail during the holidays, you see the worst (sometimes the best, but more often not) in people. The greed, the inability others have to see anyone or anything outside their own bubble. I’m sorry I don’t have control over a manufacturer who only produces a small quantity of the Muppet's nail polish. Please don’t yell at me like I’ve personally stolen your first born child and sold them for a bowl of oatmeal. And yes, everything has exceptions…this includes the $3.50 coupon you are standing here arguing with me about….how much in gas did you spend to drive here and how much is that name brand everything your wearing cost? You want to argue with me why you can’t save $3.50 off your $8.00 purchase when the coupon CLEARLY states it’s with a $10 purchase? Really? You want to fight THAT battle? Here….why don’t I just open my cash drawer and give you…let’s say all the $20 bills I have in here…..will that make you happy?
Treat others as you want to be treated….don’t yell at a cashier making $10 an hour because you can’t use your $3.50 coupon on high-end $25 mascara…..suck it up and get a $6 tube of Maybelle for God’s sake….heck, get 3 tubes!
A friend of mine was recently doing a talk pre-holiday....about learning to be true to ourselves during these times. He talked about this Hindu phrase he uses as his mantra "neti neti". Loosely translated it means "not this, not that". I'm sure there is some deeply hidden spiritual meaning behind it but for this purpose, let's keep it simple. Neti neti. I feel that, I get that, I pretty much want to OWN that statement.
If you ask me what I want I can't answer that, I can however, very clearly tell you what I DON'T want....neti neti. I think along with that phrase needs to go the tag line "stop doing the things that don't work for you". This may eventually lead us into the things that do??? Maybe?
So the pre-holiday talk consisted of 4 bullets - 1) Neti neit 2) Start a new tradition 3) Find your peeps 4) Start seeing with new eyes. They all of course, tie into each other. Stop doing the things that don't work for you. Don't do things just because you always have. The holidays still come and go even if you don't spend 6 hours at your family's. Surround yourself with people who fill your bucket....who energize you...support you....love you... and finally take off the rose colored glasses and look at things as they really are. You are never going to have a Hallmark holiday....so quit expecting it.
Lost in my mind, no where to go, lost in my mind, no room for new thoughts. If you keep your brain filled with all the old things how can you expect anything new to infiltrate and change?
We create our own life one choice at a time. Choose wisely.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Becoming who we are
Every day we wake up we choose who we are…who we will become. Everything we do every day, every action, every word, every movement comes back to who we are. Life sometimes teaches us lessons we don’t even realize mean anything until a lightbulb goes off.
It’s like we come to a path in the road and we choose, we choose one way over another and we try to make the best of it…..we search for the answers we don’t really need, we don’t even know we don’t need them until we come up empty. This isn’t who I’m supposed to be. Every mistake we make is a chance to learn, everytime we fail, we are just learning to become who we are.
What if we don’t really want to be THAT person anymore? What if we no longer want to be the person we have become? Is is that easy to choose a new us?
That my friends, is a whole new question and process. We grow up with an idea of who we are and who we want to be. We learn this from the people in our lives….or the lack of people in our lives. We become who we think we are supposed to be. If you grew up with people who valued education and hard work, that’s what you do, that’s who you become. If you grew up with people who valued art, imagination and free will …that’s who we become……with very few exceptions, we become who we think we are supposed to be. It’s only once we become an adult and strike out on our own that we suddenly decide there is more to life, to us, to the choices we make than the world we’ve created for ourselves. We begin to learn who we are.
There are lots of stories of those who grew up in a “good family” and yet they took the path less traveled…they didn’t follow in anyone’s footsteps…they became their own person. They live their life according to their own beliefs and rules. They veered off the path that life had set out in front of them only to find their own trail. My question is…..how do you know your who you are because it’s what YOU want to be or it’s what you THINK you’re supposed to be?
I always thought I’d be a wife, a mother, a teacher, a totally independent person who doesn’t need anyone for anything….I am woman hear me roar. I never imagined I’d be single, childless and sit behind a desk 8 hours a day working on someone else’s idea of success, someone else’s dream….never thought I’d have this life. Not to say it’s a bad life or an unimportant life, it’s just not at all what I imagined I’d be. I recently found an old journal of mine from when I was 12/13. Now I know the angst of being a pre-teen has its own issues but once you get past them (my sister stole my nail polish – my brother is such a jerk! Why won’t that boy notice me!?) once you get past the petty everyday pre-teen problems you can see the smattering of dreams sprinkled in there. I wanted to BE someone…I wanted to BE something…..I wanted so much more that I even knew. I often said things like “I can’t wait to have my own place” or I made lists of all the things I would buy once I got to have my own money…..it’s silly really - it was things like having more records (yes I said records!) or going to concerts or buying the clothes I wanted or the furniture I thought was super cool. I wanted sooooo badly to have a chair shaped like a giant hand…..why? because it was going to be AWESOME! But in there are the dreams of who I thought I would be….I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to work with kids, I wanted to have a life of play and carefree fun…..but the reality is…that’s not what being an adult is. There are bills to pay, a house to clean, clothes to be washed, grocery shopping to be done, bathrooms to clean……so much we take for granted as a kid…..sooooo much.
But knowing this…knowing full well now that we have the choice to be who we want to be – how do we choose? Everyday we have the option to change who we are, we can’t change anyone else’s idea of who they THINK we are, but we can change who we THINK we are. It’s all about choices. We choose each and every day the things we do and say. We choose our attitudes, what makes us happy, what makes us feel of value, of importance. It’s no one else’s choice but our own. We choose to keep people in our lives, we choose to let them go. We choose new jobs or to stay at one we hate. Every choice, every movement, everything we do creates who we are.
Who will you choose to be?
It’s like we come to a path in the road and we choose, we choose one way over another and we try to make the best of it…..we search for the answers we don’t really need, we don’t even know we don’t need them until we come up empty. This isn’t who I’m supposed to be. Every mistake we make is a chance to learn, everytime we fail, we are just learning to become who we are.
What if we don’t really want to be THAT person anymore? What if we no longer want to be the person we have become? Is is that easy to choose a new us?
That my friends, is a whole new question and process. We grow up with an idea of who we are and who we want to be. We learn this from the people in our lives….or the lack of people in our lives. We become who we think we are supposed to be. If you grew up with people who valued education and hard work, that’s what you do, that’s who you become. If you grew up with people who valued art, imagination and free will …that’s who we become……with very few exceptions, we become who we think we are supposed to be. It’s only once we become an adult and strike out on our own that we suddenly decide there is more to life, to us, to the choices we make than the world we’ve created for ourselves. We begin to learn who we are.
There are lots of stories of those who grew up in a “good family” and yet they took the path less traveled…they didn’t follow in anyone’s footsteps…they became their own person. They live their life according to their own beliefs and rules. They veered off the path that life had set out in front of them only to find their own trail. My question is…..how do you know your who you are because it’s what YOU want to be or it’s what you THINK you’re supposed to be?
I always thought I’d be a wife, a mother, a teacher, a totally independent person who doesn’t need anyone for anything….I am woman hear me roar. I never imagined I’d be single, childless and sit behind a desk 8 hours a day working on someone else’s idea of success, someone else’s dream….never thought I’d have this life. Not to say it’s a bad life or an unimportant life, it’s just not at all what I imagined I’d be. I recently found an old journal of mine from when I was 12/13. Now I know the angst of being a pre-teen has its own issues but once you get past them (my sister stole my nail polish – my brother is such a jerk! Why won’t that boy notice me!?) once you get past the petty everyday pre-teen problems you can see the smattering of dreams sprinkled in there. I wanted to BE someone…I wanted to BE something…..I wanted so much more that I even knew. I often said things like “I can’t wait to have my own place” or I made lists of all the things I would buy once I got to have my own money…..it’s silly really - it was things like having more records (yes I said records!) or going to concerts or buying the clothes I wanted or the furniture I thought was super cool. I wanted sooooo badly to have a chair shaped like a giant hand…..why? because it was going to be AWESOME! But in there are the dreams of who I thought I would be….I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to work with kids, I wanted to have a life of play and carefree fun…..but the reality is…that’s not what being an adult is. There are bills to pay, a house to clean, clothes to be washed, grocery shopping to be done, bathrooms to clean……so much we take for granted as a kid…..sooooo much.
But knowing this…knowing full well now that we have the choice to be who we want to be – how do we choose? Everyday we have the option to change who we are, we can’t change anyone else’s idea of who they THINK we are, but we can change who we THINK we are. It’s all about choices. We choose each and every day the things we do and say. We choose our attitudes, what makes us happy, what makes us feel of value, of importance. It’s no one else’s choice but our own. We choose to keep people in our lives, we choose to let them go. We choose new jobs or to stay at one we hate. Every choice, every movement, everything we do creates who we are.
Who will you choose to be?
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Music creates inspiration!
I imagine if I had the ability to formulate my thoughts, experiences or feelings into pretty words, I would be a song writer. I admire those who can channel an experience, good or bad, into a verse they can share with the world. I so love a song that feels like they have just crawled out of my head or soul and created a song JUST FOR ME. I sometimes feel quite afraid that song writers have actually been spying on me with hidden cameras to get “ideas” for their songs.
Inspiration...where does it come from?
Pink is one artist whom I feel a very close connection with. Her song Glitter in the Air:
“It's only half past the point of no return, The tip of the iceberg, The sun before the burn, The thunder before the lightning, The breath before the phrase, Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone” feels like she actually crawled inside my head and soul and wrote this song.
Or her song Perfect “The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear, The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer, So cool in line and we try try try, But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere They don’t like my jeans, they don't get my hair. Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do I do that?” could have been written after a coffee session with me. Honestly!
It seems that she has some hidden camera focused on my life and she wrote these songs TO me ABOUT me FOR me. I suppose in another way, it should comfort me to realize I am not the only one who is feeling this…who shares this thought on life, people and/or the power that connection holds. It should comfort me....but it doesn't.
I was obsessed with American Idol in the early days, I think because secretly I always wanted to be a singer, but the AI before it got all showy and popular. I was one of the early junkies of the show. I remember that moment when Kelly Clarkson came out to sing her song they wrote for her A Moment Like This – and I remember weeping at the words…the meaning…the power those words have. Words have so much power. Once they are said, once they are given a voice – they cannot be forgotten. In that song there is a line that says “Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this” and that line just reached out to my soul and kind of sucked my breath away…made me really think how we don’t even know that we are waiting for our “moment”.
What do we do to create those "moments" for ourselves? Do we give away our right and our power to others to create that for us? Do we allow ourselves the right to create that for ourselves or do we give in and let others control that FOR us? I’d like to believe that we don’t allow that to happen, that we take ownership for our own happiness, success, life – the reality is however, it’s usually based on lots of external factors we’ve convinced ourselves really matter.
I’ll be happy when I’m married, have kids, have a house, make more money, have a husband, a wife, a partner. I’ll be content when I have a new car, a better job, more vacations, a better partner than what I have now. I’ll be happier when I’m thinner, prettier, better dressed. Not to say that can’t happen or won’t, but we put all these conditions and terms and “rules” on ourselves that we almost make it impossible for us to succeed or to actually have a life we think we want. We also allow others to make that true, to then to make that our reality.
Take the recent Kardashian debacle. Kim’s marriage, her fairytale marriage is over. How many people watched that and used that as the example for a “perfect” life - for a happy life? How amazingly perfect things must be because they have each other, tons of money, amazing clothes, expensive cars, a ring that’s worth more than the grand total of EVERYTHING that I own. How many people set that as an example of a “perfect” life? I do, to an extent.....
Reality is harder than we think. It’s not sparkly and shiny. It’s seeing someone at their worst (physically and emotionally) and not walking away. It’s working 15 hour days to pay off debt. It’s going without lavish vacations or expensive purses or clothes or cars to keep a roof over your head. It’s working a a few jobs that earn you enough to survive. It’s being a friend to someone unconditionally. There is no cut, no take-two…no do-over. It’s real and it’s raw and hard and it’s always changing. It’s what we choose to make it.
So where’s the song to talk about this? Where’s the song to say “Meh, this isn’t my “fairytale” life but it’s MY life and I am going to make it be the best it can be” – or the song that says “I’m ok being the “no thank you” person in every piece of my life”.
Maybe I should consider my career as a song writer….perhaps it’s time to go down that path.
Inspiration...where does it come from?
Pink is one artist whom I feel a very close connection with. Her song Glitter in the Air:
“It's only half past the point of no return, The tip of the iceberg, The sun before the burn, The thunder before the lightning, The breath before the phrase, Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone” feels like she actually crawled inside my head and soul and wrote this song.
Or her song Perfect “The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear, The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer, So cool in line and we try try try, But we try too hard and it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere They don’t like my jeans, they don't get my hair. Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do I do that?” could have been written after a coffee session with me. Honestly!
It seems that she has some hidden camera focused on my life and she wrote these songs TO me ABOUT me FOR me. I suppose in another way, it should comfort me to realize I am not the only one who is feeling this…who shares this thought on life, people and/or the power that connection holds. It should comfort me....but it doesn't.
I was obsessed with American Idol in the early days, I think because secretly I always wanted to be a singer, but the AI before it got all showy and popular. I was one of the early junkies of the show. I remember that moment when Kelly Clarkson came out to sing her song they wrote for her A Moment Like This – and I remember weeping at the words…the meaning…the power those words have. Words have so much power. Once they are said, once they are given a voice – they cannot be forgotten. In that song there is a line that says “Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this” and that line just reached out to my soul and kind of sucked my breath away…made me really think how we don’t even know that we are waiting for our “moment”.
What do we do to create those "moments" for ourselves? Do we give away our right and our power to others to create that for us? Do we allow ourselves the right to create that for ourselves or do we give in and let others control that FOR us? I’d like to believe that we don’t allow that to happen, that we take ownership for our own happiness, success, life – the reality is however, it’s usually based on lots of external factors we’ve convinced ourselves really matter.
I’ll be happy when I’m married, have kids, have a house, make more money, have a husband, a wife, a partner. I’ll be content when I have a new car, a better job, more vacations, a better partner than what I have now. I’ll be happier when I’m thinner, prettier, better dressed. Not to say that can’t happen or won’t, but we put all these conditions and terms and “rules” on ourselves that we almost make it impossible for us to succeed or to actually have a life we think we want. We also allow others to make that true, to then to make that our reality.
Take the recent Kardashian debacle. Kim’s marriage, her fairytale marriage is over. How many people watched that and used that as the example for a “perfect” life - for a happy life? How amazingly perfect things must be because they have each other, tons of money, amazing clothes, expensive cars, a ring that’s worth more than the grand total of EVERYTHING that I own. How many people set that as an example of a “perfect” life? I do, to an extent.....
Reality is harder than we think. It’s not sparkly and shiny. It’s seeing someone at their worst (physically and emotionally) and not walking away. It’s working 15 hour days to pay off debt. It’s going without lavish vacations or expensive purses or clothes or cars to keep a roof over your head. It’s working a a few jobs that earn you enough to survive. It’s being a friend to someone unconditionally. There is no cut, no take-two…no do-over. It’s real and it’s raw and hard and it’s always changing. It’s what we choose to make it.
So where’s the song to talk about this? Where’s the song to say “Meh, this isn’t my “fairytale” life but it’s MY life and I am going to make it be the best it can be” – or the song that says “I’m ok being the “no thank you” person in every piece of my life”.
Maybe I should consider my career as a song writer….perhaps it’s time to go down that path.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The path of least resistance
A moment changes everything whether it’s a twist of fate or the will of the Universe, a moment can change everything.
Something as simple as the one harmless thing you do….a stolen glance with someone that might lead to another’s broken heart, visions/dreams/hopes that live in our heads of the life we have envision for ourselves “someday”. The years go whipping by us and before we realize it we are where we are. Looking back we see that we have spent our energy and time running towards something - towards a life, a person, a destination – whatever it is, only to finally wake-up and realize we can no longer hide from even ourselves. That we are not who we even thought we were going to be and we are not where we thought we would be. Suddenly we are no longer able to hide all those feelings and thoughts and dreams that are inside of us, waiting to get out. Time is no longer our friend but a constant reminder that as long as a day is, it’s never enough time and suddenly we’ve never felt so far away and disconnected from life.
That’s when the moment changes everything - the way you think, feel, act…..look at things.
Suddenly nothing feels right, nothing works. Everything feels like you’re absolutely standing still in time. Now what do you do? There comes a time in life, a time we face the road we’ve chosen, the path we are on and we accept it. We own it and make it be the best of it. There is also the time we stop, take a deep breath and figure out what else might there be? What else is it that we are looking for? What else might be there that we don’t even see or know about? That time is now…that place is here and that moment will change everything.
So you start down a new path, you come to another fork in the road (there’s always a fork in the road) and you choose….you boldly walk down the path and come what may, there you are. Its human nature to choose the path of least resistance….it’s pretty much what the Universe is always telling us. If we’ve learned ANYTHING at all from Jurassic Park it was this – Jeff Goldblum (Dr. Malcolm) is talking about the natural affinity there is for the path of least resistance. He places a drop of water on his hand and lets it run off in the way it chooses to…the path it wants. Then, he does it again with another drop in a slightly different spot. The water “chooses” the same path as the first drop….this proves that everything seeks the path of least resistance. Is that right? What is that really telling us? Should we even TRY to choose a new path? Could we?
What does free will actually have to do with things then? Do we even HAVE free will or is it that we can choose a new path and then as we ignore the old path it becomes as ambiguous and unknown as the new path we are on so suddenly they start to look like each other and without thinking of it, we suddenly feel as if they ARE the same path and we quit fighting…..thus becoming the path of least resistance. It’s like we begin to mirror the old behaviors and suddenly they become the new and that’s how we end up in the same relationships or jobs or lots in life because as much as we think we are CHOOSING a new path, we aren’t.
Does it really come down to changing our own thoughts? Thoughts do become things...so ultimately our own success does lie at the fork in the road.
In the immortal voice of Yogi Berra “If you come a fork in the road, take it!”
Something as simple as the one harmless thing you do….a stolen glance with someone that might lead to another’s broken heart, visions/dreams/hopes that live in our heads of the life we have envision for ourselves “someday”. The years go whipping by us and before we realize it we are where we are. Looking back we see that we have spent our energy and time running towards something - towards a life, a person, a destination – whatever it is, only to finally wake-up and realize we can no longer hide from even ourselves. That we are not who we even thought we were going to be and we are not where we thought we would be. Suddenly we are no longer able to hide all those feelings and thoughts and dreams that are inside of us, waiting to get out. Time is no longer our friend but a constant reminder that as long as a day is, it’s never enough time and suddenly we’ve never felt so far away and disconnected from life.
That’s when the moment changes everything - the way you think, feel, act…..look at things.
Suddenly nothing feels right, nothing works. Everything feels like you’re absolutely standing still in time. Now what do you do? There comes a time in life, a time we face the road we’ve chosen, the path we are on and we accept it. We own it and make it be the best of it. There is also the time we stop, take a deep breath and figure out what else might there be? What else is it that we are looking for? What else might be there that we don’t even see or know about? That time is now…that place is here and that moment will change everything.
So you start down a new path, you come to another fork in the road (there’s always a fork in the road) and you choose….you boldly walk down the path and come what may, there you are. Its human nature to choose the path of least resistance….it’s pretty much what the Universe is always telling us. If we’ve learned ANYTHING at all from Jurassic Park it was this – Jeff Goldblum (Dr. Malcolm) is talking about the natural affinity there is for the path of least resistance. He places a drop of water on his hand and lets it run off in the way it chooses to…the path it wants. Then, he does it again with another drop in a slightly different spot. The water “chooses” the same path as the first drop….this proves that everything seeks the path of least resistance. Is that right? What is that really telling us? Should we even TRY to choose a new path? Could we?
What does free will actually have to do with things then? Do we even HAVE free will or is it that we can choose a new path and then as we ignore the old path it becomes as ambiguous and unknown as the new path we are on so suddenly they start to look like each other and without thinking of it, we suddenly feel as if they ARE the same path and we quit fighting…..thus becoming the path of least resistance. It’s like we begin to mirror the old behaviors and suddenly they become the new and that’s how we end up in the same relationships or jobs or lots in life because as much as we think we are CHOOSING a new path, we aren’t.
Does it really come down to changing our own thoughts? Thoughts do become things...so ultimately our own success does lie at the fork in the road.
In the immortal voice of Yogi Berra “If you come a fork in the road, take it!”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)