Is Everything a Sign?

Signs, signs everywhere a sign - blocking out the scenery breaking my mind. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the signs?

I am a big proponent that the Universe sends us messages, that things happen for a reason. I believe good things come to those who wait, do unto others as you would have them do unto you but lately I'm wondering if we get so immune to these constant incoming messages that we start to NOT see them anymore.

I have been feeling quite disconnected for sometime now, I've felt like the last half of this year has taken an unexpected stroll down a path I wasn't even sure existed before and suddenly I find myself being bombarded by thoughts 24/7 and I can't seem to shut them off. Today as I was trying to process these thoughts I was behind a car that cut me off, this J-Hole swerved over at the last possible moment and then jammed on his breaks. As I cussed him out in my head, OK probably out loud, I saw his bumper sticker...it read "do what you love, nothing else matters".

It made me pause. Made me think about it....what is it that I love? Not a "who" but a "what". What is it that makes me get up in the morning, do the things I do, not just go through the motions of living. Interesting. This is going to take some more thinking.

Something has definitely shifted in my life. What is this need all of a sudden I have for some kind of external validation? What has changed or shifted in my life to cause me to NEED something more, something different, something I clearly don't have? Why is it not enough for me that I am a good and decent person? That I (try) treat others fairly, and frankly I'm a pretty amazing person overall and I don't NEED anyone else to tell me that. I really don't. I know this. I take care of myself, I live a pretty decent life and I have some amazing friends, a good job and my health. Why is it that suddenly that doesn't feel like enough. Why do I have this overwhelming emptiness that seems like something is missing? Is this a mid-life thing? A woman thing? A crazy person thing?

What possibly is missing and why do I feel like I'll never figure it out?

So I was prompted to change my password today on my work computer and I had been using the name of someone who is pretty much gone from my life but it was my way to kind of keep him in it...I know, it makes no sense, anyway, I had to think of a new password and suddenly my mind couldn't think of any other word....I was like OK you are crazy....stop this. So I did, I regrouped and typed in a new password....well I apparently didn't type the same word twice so I tried to re-enter it and it again didn't accept....I tried for a third time and I swear to God my brain must just be such a muddled mess because it cancelled again. Screw it I thought, I used t he name again but just changed the number after it - ex. Winter01. I wonder, what exactly was the Universe trying to tell me at this moment? I thought I was ready to let it go but clearly I am not. What does it all mean?

Where is the book of answers when you need it? The walk down this tangled path continues.