It's funny when you pause...when you take a minute to breath, to exhale all of a sudden it makes you think. Think about who you are, who you have become and what do you really want.
That is the age old question. What do I really want? I want to wake up one day having the answer to this question. I want to wake up without that empty, hollow feeling sitting inside of me needing to be filled....filled with something that I can't quite put my finger on. I want that moment when you realize that you have purpose, meaning, a reason for being. How quickly that gets lost in the midst of searching.
Life if full of defining moments. Moments that turn into hours that turn into days that turn into weeks. Moments have meaning. These moments are important and sooner or later they become bigger than us. Suddenly we find ourselves standing at the cross roads of our own life looking back realizing that we've gotten older and then we think what if.
Does any one decision make our life? Sometimes we make bad decisions but life is a series of choices, a big combination of moments that create who we are. For too long I find that I've let other people make those decisions for me. People who don't put me first in their life or even give me a second thought. I realize I've let my life sit on hold for so long and I'm not really even sure how to make it move again.
This year has been really good in so many ways...I've taken steps to move my life in new directions that it's never been and I've enjoyed it for the most part but suddenly it feels like without my permission, without me letting it happen it's all gone...taken back, moved on without me. How does that happen? How does everything around me seem to move without me?
Some days it feels like I have no control over anything and then the winds change and I suddenly feel myself engulfed in a suit of armor that allows me to tackle the world. How quickly moments move past us.
I guess the best thing to do is keep that armor on hand for the days when you really need it.
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