What we don't know

Isn't it funny how smart we think we are? How much we think we know about life, ourselves - everything and then one day WHAM! something happens and we are stunned, surprised because we never saw it coming. It's funny how life works.


We trudge along on this life path expecting and planning things to go a certain way and when they change course on us unexpectedly we are confused by it...at least I am.

I had a plan...I was going to finish school and then I was going to get some great epiphany and somehow I was going to see the light and all of life's answers would finally be mine. I saw that ending, I expected that outcome I knew there was some key to doors I couldn't find until I finished school....only there isn't, there's not.....it's the same....but different.

No light shone the way to my new destiny, no answers magically appeared in my head like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz when he finally got a brain....I can't do anything better or different now that I am a college graduate. I however didn't know what I didn't know until now. Now I know.

I know there is no answer I don't really already know. There is no path I can't see or no door I don't have the ability to open...it's all as it was. What has changed is how I act and react to things. Not that it's any different really but I do feel like I have a broader understanding of things I sort of ignored or by passed before. So maybe that's the bonus I was looking for....a broader, wider based understanding of life and it's little nuances. Maybe doing this as an adult has just helped me expand my thinking outside of my little world (bubble) I was living in.

My biggest concern has been what will I do with my free time.....ha. There are some days I have excessive amounts of it and other times I commit myself to something that really sucks my energy and ultimately my soul dry. I say I can help with something and I get dumped on. Helping is different from taking on the entire process yourself. I work a 10 hr day and sometimes longer if I am working at my part time job as well. Between that and my commute sometimes I am so brain dead by the time I get home I can't think. There are only so many hours in a day I can be expected to be productive. At some point my body, despite my own cry not to, shuts down. I'm old now...this body needs some recoup time. I don't know this until I know it. It comes back to what we don't know.

The Universe has an opinion on this of course:

True, you can't see what you can't see, you can't hear what you can't hear, and you can't feel that you can't feel. But still, you can know that you're not alone, that you're adored, and that absolutely everything will continue to work out for your very best, as it always has. It's built into your DNA -
The Universe

I would love to commit that to my head. To commit to my brain and my heart that it's all going to work out like it's suppose to. That I am not alone, that I am adored and that things are as they are suppose to be. I think if I could drink that kool-aide I would be OK with not worrying about what it is I don't know that I don't know.

If I could know it all would I want to? If I could know how this year would end, how I would feel on December 31st looking back on this year would I want to know...would I want to have that knowledge right now?

Hmm....this year is almost done and I don't know I feel about that.

Find your why

Why are we here? Why do we exist? What makes us get up each day and do what it is we do without even thinking about it? How do we really become who we are?

You can do what you think you cannot do but it all come from our own thinking. Our own limitations hold us back, our own assumptions and fears hold us back from achieving what we really want to do. What our purpose is is dependant on our own perspectives. What is our authentic purpose? It lies within us. It seems like the paths I trudge down are blocked all the time and half way through I have to stop and turn around and try another path. It's not really a bad way to travel but it's important to find your why to continue on your path. This time of the year is all about change....you can visually see it happening before your eyes. Nothing you can do to stop it so it's best to just embrace it....embrace the change.

I love this weather. I love the cool days, the howling winds, the crisp air......it signifies a change is happening. That would be nice if our lives had that obvious of a notifier.

Change is constant...every time you turn around things are changing. It's weird because sometimes it feels like nothing is ever going to change and you blink and suddenly everything is different. It seems when my life is happening and I'm enjoying the ride - suddenly things change. It's out of my control and I don't get a say in keeping things as they are, as I like them as I want them to stay because the changes isn't really in my control. It's frustrating on one level and on another level it's kind of refreshing to have things change and move in a new direction. It forces me to change my thinking and to continue to move. Although sometimes I think it would be kind of nice to just ride the ride for a little while.

I feel like there is so much I want to do during this fall like weather....so many places I want to go, want to see but I feel like I'm limited. Limited because the people I want to do these things with have other things to do or people to spend their time with. I need my own people....people who want to spend their days and time with me.....it's hard. My nieces and nephews are all at the point in their lives where they are having their own lives...they have their own things to do and my friends mostly have their own lives to live and their own people to spend their time with and then there is me. Seems like I am the only one not moving onto anything new. I feel stuck...like I'm spinning my wheels in place and not really going anywhere.

I never used to be this way, I never felt like I needed anyone to do things with or to spend my time with but as I get older I'm finding that I just don't like spending my days alone any more yet I can't seem to find the person or people to spend their time with me. It's challenging. People don't need me...I used to feel like I was needed.....that I served a purpose but lately it feels like no one needs me. Not like they don't want me around but they have their own lives in place and their own goals to work towards. It's an odd feeling to be this old and feel like you don't have a purpose.....my why.

Just as the seasons change, we all have to change. We have to explore new roads, go down new paths and watch our own colors change. It's all in how we approach it, do we stay a one season person or do we embrace the changes in the wind and go where the wind takes us? Our choice I guess.....it always comes down to our own choices.

Why does it have to be so challenging to know who we are? Why do we always question ourselves? It seems that we work so hard to figure out who we are and what we want and I wonder, do we ever get it?

Do we ever figure out our why?

Time and the Universe

Time flies by so fast sometimes that I can't even understand where it all goes. I mean in any given day there are ONLY 24 hours...no more, no less...well less if you sleep them away but regardless...how come some days seem longer than others?

It's been awhile since I've listened to the Universe or even had time to blog, work has been a little crazy...less people but more work...no more $$$$ of course but in this economic crazy time I am not complaining too much. I like to feel needed, like what I do matters, that the energy I am putting into projects or work makes a difference somewhere down the road. I don't need much for it in return, just acknowledgement that I am working my ass off is enough....although more $$$ I wouldn't turn down!

So today I stopped to breathe.....to take a breath and try to get back to me....to what I want, to what I need and to stop letting other things control everything in my life. What does the Universe say to me today when I catch up.....

I do believe that the single most important thing I could ever, ever share with you, with regard to maximizing the health, harmony, and happiness in your life, not to mention expediting the manifestation of your heart's fondest desires, can be summed up in just one word:
Love yourself.
Okay, two words.
Love yourself.
I do -
The Universe

It's a simple thing really. LOVE WHO YOU ARE. I guess that's four words really but it's so much harder to do than to say it. My dad used to irritate the living daylights out of me...well he still kinds of does but he used to say "how can you ever expect anyone to love you if you can't love yourself?" Okay so maybe as annoying as he was, he had something. How do we learn to love the beast? It's not that I find myself unlovable but I think it's that we, well probably more just me, don't put enough value in who we are and what we have made of ourselves. It's all the rules around me that make me feel like I am not good enough as I am...mostly I don't care about that and I don't buy into it but frankly I'm kind of exhausted from fighting this fight. I feel like I am doing it all alone and I am done....tired, finished....kaput....ugh.

I feel worn out by life lately...like I've been drug behind a car for a few hundred miles and I just can't find my groove again. How does one get their groove back? Wasn't that a movie and a cartoon? I need my groove.....have you seen it?

Greener grass

I always think the grass is greener on the other side. That some how I never get to have that life that everyone else seems to have....that things are always so much better for everyone else. That others don't feel the things I do....then you sit and drink wine and start sharing and bam! - you find out those who you think have it sooooo perfect have their issues too. It's kind of a harsh realization.

I know we all do that, we always think others are living the dream...and it's shocking when someone tells you they feel the same way or better yet....they say they wish they had YOUR life. Really? Why? What about my uninspired life warrants anyone wanting to live a day in it?

I don't mean it to sound as terrible as all that but lately I've felt really disconnected from my own life and I feel uninspired....no purpose....no direction....empty. I realize it's a phase but I do not like it.

I am stuck on a treadmill like life - birth - school - work - school - death? Where is the adventure? The passion? We all make choices in our lives that have compromised who we are. We do things that are out of integrity from our souls to look good, to make money, to please the boss, to make someone love/want us or out of fear of what the neighbors might think. We forget that the spark of our souls may be buried within us, that we still have the power to dig up the junk on top of it and let it run wild and free again.

Each moment is a new opportunity with new choices. You created your life and you have the power to "decreate" the parts of it that aren't serving you well now - I like that word decreate.

It's hard to do but really if we just stop and listen to our inner voice, our soul's voice, we can do it. This of course requires some skill and time. It's the child in us, the Universe and in order to hear it I know one just needs to be still.... I mean really still and just feel the essence of who you are. I also know this is not my strong suit.

I think the reason we end up with lives that feel meaningless, unfulfilled, or without purpose is because we stop listening and feeling who we really are. Instead we've created routines of avoidance. We rush to work, come home to the TV, video games, books, magazines, sports, phone calls, making dinner, laundry, etc. All of these outer activities fill our time by distracting us from listening to our souls.

Is it greener on the other side? If we are not connecting with our inner soul how can we ever expect to be happy in our life? No matter how connected or disconnected we feel from our own life, we have the power to change it. You can create your own inspired life ...you just have to choose it.

I choose you inspired life....I choose you now.

Birds of a feather

I know it's the time of year to see birds flocking South but it seems like this year there are an extraordinary amount of them right now and I thought - is this a message from the Universe? It struck me this morning how beautiful a flock of birds flying in formation is.

It also made me kind of wish I were a bird...in a flock. I know the reason they fly like they do:

Birds fly in a V to help conserve their energy during migrations.With the exception of the individual leading the group, each birdtrailing behind the other benefits from a reduction in wind resistance. The birds are deliberating tailgating each other; it's the concept of drafting, best known to those gutsy people who drive close behind a semi on the freeway to stay out of the wind and boost their fuel efficiency.

The next time you see ducks or geese flying in a V, watch them for awhile to see if he lead bird changes. Canada geese do this, and I suspect other species do, too. Do humans? Is there a reason for us NOT to? In social settings the leader can change but does it always? Since whoever is up front is working the hardest, every now and then the birds make a switch and the leader drops back, usually all the way back, where wind drag is lowest and a rested bird comes to the front.

While there is no single, unchanging leader for a V of birds on the move, it is the oldest, experienced individuals who are calling the navigational shots, using the sun and the stars at night to orient themselves and stay on course. Another thing you'll often notice is how a V changes shape. Sometimes it looks more like a check mark, with one bird flying lead, two or three birds trailing on one side, and the majority of birds strung out on the other. This is a strategy for dealing with wind which usually means a crosswind is blowing the short side of the formation is taking the brunt of the wind, and the birds are attempting to shield one another from it

If truth be told, I kinda want to be a bird in a flock. Maybe they know something we don't about the value and purpose of working in a true team fashion. No one trying to throw you under the bus but all working together towards the great goal. Hmmm, we can learn so much from our fine feathered friends.

Change is good but I don't want to be first

"Sometimes in the winds of change we find our true direction."

Change is not easy but it is simple. Things will always change. We don't have a choice about that, but we do have a choice about how we react to change; whether or not we choose to create change. The choice really boils down to this......either we manage change or it will manage us.


I'm tired of things managing me. I want to be in charge, in control. I want to decide how I'm feeling, what I'm going to do next instead of blowing in the wind or letting someone else steer my ship. Sounds good in theory right. I am woman hear me roar!


Change is an emotional process. We are all creatures of habit who usually resist it and welcome routine. Uncharted waters are freaking scary! It's time to let things go....to set them free so I can move on. It doesn't matter where they go, they don't even need to come back to me they just need to go.....away.....so I can begin again. I'm really tired of the same old same old. It's time to shake things up and stop waiting for someones hand to hold as I step out of my box. It's time for me to learn to do this all by myself.


I like routine, a pattern, it feels safe, trusted, comfortable. I can count on it and when it's taken away from me without my permission it kinda freaks me out. In the long run, however, sameness is really just being on the fast tract to mediocrity. Mediocre doesn't survive. Websters defines mediocre as of moderate or low quality, value, ability, or performance, ordinary, so-so.


Anyone who knows me knows the hairs on my neck rise when I'm compared to being average, or ordinary and so-so......yikes.....that word makes me scream out loud. I've fought hard my whole life to not be any of those things and lately I've felt like that's all I was....so-so. Weird how we shift our thinking so easily. I heard this quote yesterday "When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."

Well people...it's time to see a whole new world. It's time to shake things up, it's time to break that patterns of mediocre and create a new world that is better than the one I'm in. Is it going to be easy? Of course not, nothing ever is. This means I need to plan, commit, have patience and most of all courage....courage to step outside my comfort zone all on my own.


The truth, of course, is that change can be really good, healthy, empowering. It's pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones; to step onto that new path and just start walking.


Oh jesh. I'm not really sure I can do this.