Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Selfish vs. Assertive

My thought from the Universe today as I drove in pondering the thought of standing up for what you want in your own life. Of using your big girl voice to say NO or to say THIS IS WHAT I NEED. Funny how sometimes you ask....and the answer appears:

What really matters? What's really important? Why bother? Who cares? What's it all for? You, it's all about you. What you like and dislike. What you want and don't want. What makes you smile and laugh. What makes you learn and grow. Selfish? How else could you shine your light? How else could you possibly hope to lift the world? How else could you be all that we dreamed you might be? Selfish of me - The Universe

There is also this other newsletter I get daily....www.theresarose.net. She had this to say today:

Don't get caught in the trap of judging someone else's choices. They aren't good choices or bad choices, they just ARE. This freedom from judgment will liberate you to have more and be more.

It's funny how a message keeps coming at you and coming at you until you decide to finally absorb what it's trying to say to you. I was at a conference this last weekend and both the Friday and Saturday speakers spoke about packing your backpack (or wheel barrow) with the right things and letting go of the old. I really listened to them...I heard them saying all the things I've been thinking in my head and tried like heck to figure out why I can't let go of the old.

The one speaker talked about carrying around our backpacks filled with all that old stuff we lugg around, how heavy it is, how sore our body gets hauling that around. I began to really think about the stuff I've been keeping in mine and I have to realize and accept that it's the past, it's over, it's not coming back and it's not going to change. All the thinking and dwelling on that old what was stuff is not going to change, it is not going to magically reappear and be perfect and what I need it to be....it's just not. It's a hard realization....and it stinks, but it is what it is.

Then as I was driving into work this morning I realize I am spending an extraordinary amount of energy on things that #1 I have NO control over and #2 that are never going to change. I am not going to wake up one morning and magically have things the way my mind has created them to be. I wonder why we spend so much time and energy fighting for things we don't get to have?

I can't continue to spend energy and time on the relationships in my life that don't give back to me. I know this....it's just the letting go of them that kind of break my heart a little. It's time to focus on ME, on what I need, what I want and stop waiting around and making concessions and changes for someone else. I've pretty much done that my whole life. I keep doing the waiting game, putting myself and my life on the back burner and thus allowing myself to become that person I fight so hard not to become.

It's time I find the things I want to do, the things I want to carry around with me and fill my backpack with those things....those people....those experiences.

I think it's time I become selfish.

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