Stopping

I wish it were easier to stop doing the things we don't want to do....to stop wanting the things we don't have, to stop being disappointed by things. It would be so much easier if life were more like a light switch...that we could just flip it or turn it off when we wanted. But that isn't the case. We have to deal with everything and everyone as it happens.....sometimes all at the same time.

Vacations are great. They are necessary. It's a time to get away from your normal everyday surroundings and stop focusing on all those things you think you HAVE to do. Like magic all those things that wear us out always seem to be waiting for us when we return. Just sitting there, waiting for us to return and get back into our rhythm and swing of life. Not worries.

I forget how much being around the water, especially the ocean, refreshes me. Despite the fact that I lost my camera in the ocean, I still love it and forget how amazing it feels to walk the shore line letting the waves slap up against my legs. I love the feeling of the sand on your feet, the salty ocean that sticks to your legs and the smell...the smell of the ocean air is something I think those who live there take for granted. I guess it would be like us here taking for granted the quietness of a snowfall. We tend to not see what is right before us until we no longer have it.

Life has felt like quite the whirlwind of activity lately. Kind of feels like I am in a race for something. A new job, a new desk, new friends, old friends, quitting jobs....just so much. Family, friends, social outings....people leaving, babies being born, new choices that take people away from us....so much. Seems like I have been fighting for my place in the sun....being away from my everyday life for several days and firmly planting my feet in the sand really was what I needed to realize that I can stop any one of these things from effecting (or is it affecting??) me in ways I can't control.

Just stop. Stop wanting, stop trying, stop fighting....just stop. Stop expecting, stop being disappointed, stop trying to force myself to fit into anyone else's life. I guess just as I expect others to accept me as I am, I have to learn to do that as well, even if I don't approve of the choices they are making or direction they are choosing to take their lives. I have to be the kind of person that I expect of myself. The older I get the more more I find it hard to not say what I am thinking. My mantra has kind of been if you don't want my opinion, don't ask me because I will give it to you....but the problem is, it's MY opinion....it's not my decision, it's my opinion. I need to stop...I need to step back and let things be.

It's time for me to find my path and not even think about it but just begin walking. It's funny how much the fight wears us out and we don't even notice it until we stop...or try to stop.