Wings to fly

Sometimes you don't even realize you have wings that you can just use anytime to fly. Fly away, fly free - just fly. Sometime you have to shake the dust off of what IS to realize there is more out there, more to see, more to do, more to have. I have to admit, I totally forgot I have wings.

Life is one big puzzle. Feels like we are always looking for something we don't have, it's a long winding road we keep traveling down searching, trying, failing, learning, growing and suddenly we realize we no longer are doing things or living a life that is for us..it's a harsh realization.

It's easy to want more and to give up all kinds of stuff to get to the place we think we need to be. It's easy to be so focused on getting that life that we lose track of everything else around us. For so long I've been focused on what's next. After school, after IAAP, after this month, after work....always what's next...what's coming up that you forget to live and experience the here and now. Here and now....it's not such a bad place to be.

I recently heard a speaker who talked about being fully present in the moment. He had great examples of how he saw this happening. There is a great line he used - Am I OK right now? It encouraged you to look past the fear and uncertainty and focus on the here and now....Am I OK right now? Most of the time you can honestly say YES. If you are hurdling down a cliff at top speed you may answer that question a little differently, but overall you are probably OK right now.

I have spent so much of my time this last year trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole and I kind of feel exhausted by these efforts. I have come to accept the fact that I can't MAKE people want me to be a part of their life. I can't make people want to spend time with me, to do things for and with me just because it's what I want. I forget that just because it's the path I am on and moving forward, doesn't mean that is where they belong...even if I want them to be there with me. How much am I willing to give up for them is as important as how much they are willing to give up for me.....as much as I don't like it, that's the reality.

I have lost track of so much of who I am and what I want and where I want to be that I feel like only something big can shake off the dust and clear the clutter. I need a grand gesture or moment to happen. I have been a little obsessed lately with Flash Mobs....you've seen those videos where a group of people go into public and randomly dance and then as soon as the song is over they just move on like nothing ever happened. I need a flash mob moment in my own life. I need something to shake things up for just a few minutes and clear out the cobwebs so I can move forward again. I'm tired of waiting, of being the one making the effort, the contact, the connection, square pegs can't fit into a round hole no matter how hard you pound.

Isn't it funny how we suddenly realize we have had wings all along and just forget to use them?