Sometimes I feel like I am walking on top of a fence, balancing to not fall off, like a really long yoga pose. It's hard to get your body and soul in unity. To get everyone rowing in the same direction so to speak.
What do you do when your head and heart are in a fight? When one goes rogue like a way ward spy? Sometimes you can't get them to be on the same path and it's really frustrating. I find myself constantly having to process thoughts my heart refuses to accept.
I know you're suppose to live in the moment, to be happy with what you have and where you're at because it's how life is suppose to be...but is it really?
There was this great article in the Oprah magazine by one of my favorite writers, Martha Beck, who talked about a woman who met a guy (isn't there always a story about a girl meeting a boy?) and she thought he was pretty amazing. After a very short time together, he did little things like remembering her favorite song, he read her blog and they really connected, at least she was feeling like that. She thought he was perfect except she was a little worried that he seemed to talk about his ex a lot of the time and he hinted about sex pretty much 5 minutes after they met.
Her friends warned her that was a bad sign, don't let him fool you they warned. No one like that could possible be good news. The immediate thought is he is a player, only out for what's in in for him. But then a friend countered with the thought, what if that is true? What if all that is true but he is still sweet and thoughtful to you. What if it is both wonderful and terrible? Do we really have to commit to just one choice and we are done? Why can't we have both things? I f he's getting what he wants and you are getting what you want/need, why can't we just take it for what it is? Why can't we have both?
My thought exactly. If my heart and my head can't get on the same page why can't I just let them be and deal with them as I need to? Not denial, not ignoring them but taking the moments as they come and see where they go. Taking the current circumstances and just enjoying them for what they are right this minute.
Some days it makes me a little more miserable than I probably need to be but other days I feel braver and happier and needed, so why can't I learn to live with this weird ying/yang that's happening?
Confronted with such dualities usually forces us to choose between them. Do we just hunker down and figure out which option is the "right" one? Limiting ourselves to answer means we often stop seeing what's actually happening and then we start to make our decision based on a label instead. This isn't as easy as an either-or thought it's more of a both-and reality we have to deal with.
This is a strange loop we get into and we have to almost re-train our brains to see things differently. To step outside our comfort zone and really live life.
Hmmm, what's the harm in trying?
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