Done with change

I get that the only constant in life is change - that we can't grow and experience things if we don't change, but I am kind of done with change. I am done being the one that always has to accept that things change, that people change, that everything has to change. Isn't there something to be said for keeping the old? Don't we respect our elders because they have this base knowledge and history that we cherish and think is a really good thing? Why are we always expected to change?

Lately it feels as if I have to be the one to change. That I am the one expected to just accept that things change, that friends move on, get new relationships, have kids, get married, move away. I have to accept that the rules of employement change, people quit, get fired, move on....and yet I am always the one doing the adjusting, the accepting of the new way of things. They have happily moved on and I am expected to just swallow it down and accept it.

Recently a good friend falls in love with her latest soulmate, now this is a friend I've known for a bit and we've become pretty close. We have spent alot of time together and all of a sudden, I'm expected to just take the backseat on our freindship. I'm the one fighting to spend time with her. No longer do we get to play, to hang out, to go do random weekend adventures. No longer do we just go hang out over a drink or for a fun night out. I'm the one who has to make the change. I am the one who has to deal with the hole her departure from my life leaves. She's happy, distracted and has new things to fill her days and time and heart and I'm am left behind, barely a blip on the radar. It's not just with this situation...it's like this at work, it's like this with friends who have moved it's even like this with family.

Somehow my life has morphed into this weird discombobulation of me always expected to be the one to accept that things change. To embrace the "opportunities" that come when things change. Well you know what....I'm done. I'm tired, exhausted, worn out, deflated and overall D-O-N-E.

I'm tired of being the one to accept that my life has to change, that I can't have things the way they were because "everything changes". At some point I think a person should get to decide to not make that an acceptable part of life. Does this mean I become a hermit and only do the bare minimum to survive? Does it mean I no longer look for new ways to grow or to learn new things or invite new people into my life? Does it mean I have to be alone the rest of my days?

Possibly but I can't imagine I would be happy with that kind of a life. I just want things to be fair, equal...a 50/50 split.

I just had a conversation with an older resident in my building...he is in his mid-80's and is the most positive person I've ever met. Not over the top perky, sunshine radiating his butt kind of positive, just overall positive. Without even knowing what was on my mind he stopped in to say good morning (I am working) and he shared a story about how one minute you can make a decision that changes your life forever. He shared a story about how he made this decision walking out of church one morning and he wonders what his life would be like had he not made that decision. He doesn't regret, he just wonders. Isn't that a great statement. He doesn't regret, he just wonders.

So how long does one person decide to keep accepting they have to be the one to always accept change and when do you get to decide enough is enough?