Swimming against the current

Some days I feel like Dori in Finding Nemo...I have to keep reminding myself..."just keep swimming, just keep swimming".

I admire those people that forge their own path, rules be dammed. Those people that wake up each day and know they are going to make a difference, they know where they are going, what they are doing and who they have by their side no matter what. Then there are those of us who wake up and the first thought is....what fresh hell will this day bring.

I'm not quite in that boat yet, but I have to admit, I have been waking up thinking....please let me get through this day without unnecessary drama or frustration. Let this be a good day. I know you positive, happy people will say you need to wake up and say "it's going to be a great day!" I know I'm suppose to have a more positive outlook but honestly, it's hard to constantly be swimming against the current and be happy....should I just stop fighting it and just float away with everyone else?

At what point does it become giving up if you stop fighting the status quo, the "normal", the routine, mundane everyday tasks we are sort of drawn into doing? At what point does it no longer mean you are striving for something more and just being difficult? I think I would curl up and die if I had the same old routine everyday, well I sort of do now but not really. But I mean if I was just a "yes" man. If I always did what I was told/asked without questioning would I really be happier? Would I really be in a better place? If I didn't want to settle for what I have right now, if I want more money, love, friends, respect, happiness...and if I don't push myself to get more, am I giving up? Do you have to swim against the current to find who and what you are?

The older I get the more questions I seem to have. I remember in my 20's life seemed SO easy. So not complicated. The big question was where was I going to go out to that night. Things seemed so easy in my younger days. I never cared about doing a good job at work, or if I was tired the next day. I cared about my possessions and my $$ to go out and play. As I got older, I started to care about my heart, my soul, my reputation both personally and professionally. I care about my friends and my integrity....these are the things keeping me up at night.

Maybe there is some give in not always fighting the current, maybe once in awhile we need to let go an doggy paddle along until we get to the big "fish". Maybe we'd have more energy to fight the good fight if we weren't doing that allllll day long? Or maybe we just keep doing this until we can no longer see straight and we end up alone with 12 cats in our apartment?

Hmm, that's a tough choice.