Late at night when the world has shut down and it's quiet and peaceful my mind races like a high speed chase on a bad TV show. First thing in the morning, the second my eyes open, my mind engages and I have to get up to distract it....to do something else to stop it from just rambling down these paths that always lead no where.
I read a great quote yesterday and I keep thinking about it....I don't know how to make it fit into my blog or even my own thoughts but I can't get it out of my head. I keep thinking, there has to be some way for me to use this great statement - "Empty storefronts dotted the brick buildings in between like missing teeth in an uneasy smile."
I love that line....there is just something about it that puts such a visual image in my head. For some reason it made me think of my childhood, of the things I would see out the car windows as we drove some place. The cities we drove through in Chicago that seemed to be blocks of store fronts all boarded up, graffiti covered boards and people sitting on the ground asking for money. It took me back to a time in my life where I sat in the backseat watching the world go by imagining the life I'd some day live.
I miss things about my childhood like the cool TV shows that used to be on. I don't remember TV being so consumed with commercials either. I miss the way they would play those School House Rocks blurbs between shows. I learned more from those probably than I did from school. I miss the way they used to show film strips in class to teach us about volcano's or history....I miss that you used to be able to ride your bike to the corner store without worry. I miss those terrible school lunches that cost .75 cents. Simpler times.
Change is inevitable, progression is good. I like that fact that we recycle, that we do things to save energy but I also like that I don't have to wash out a bread bag and reuse it. I kind of like the oddly disposable lifestyle I live. It's a double edge sword. I like what I like and I like the way things used to be.
It all started with thinking. Funny little ducks we are.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
In someone else's eyes
Just like Alice in Wonderland through the looking glass everything seems better on the other side. When looking at life through someone else's glasses things seem....different, better, possible.
In someone else's eyes I am not who I really am. I am so much more that I will ever be. I am this amazing person...someone with possibility, hope, drive, aspirations to change the world, but the reality is....I am just me....just this person who wakes up everyday hoping today will be better than yesterday and hoping that at some point today, I find my reason.
I look at others and do the same thing. I think "man, what I wouldn't give for that life". "If I had THAT I would be happy" or "if I lived there I'd be content" and for sure "if I drove that I'd be someone"...but the reality it....I am all that...now, with what I have and where I live and what I own. I have so much more than I even realize....yet somehow, some days, it just doesn't seem like enough.
I went to my boss's daughters senior recital. She is 17/18 years old and just getting ready to enter the real world on her own, going off to college later this year armed with all the ambition and amazing, surreal talent and it kind of stunned me how much talent one person can have. She has the world at her fingertips right now and all she has to do is just keep moving towards it with open arms. I see amazing things in her future. It made me wonder, did I ever have that kind of a moment? Did anyone ever look at me and think I could change the world? Did I ever have the world at my fingertips and all I had to do was move towards it with open arms or has it been this elusive, moving, merry go round of a thing that no matter how much I move or try to get there, it has always just been out of my reach.
Potential. It's amazing when someone has it. I think we all have it, it's just how much effort are we willing to put towards making it happen? As you get older and start to have what I like to call "life disappointments" it wears you down. As I get older I feel my "potential" slipping away from me, out of my control and out of my grasp. Is it because I'm too tired to fight the fight any more or is it that I've just come to accept myself as I am?
What does it all come down to? Do we become who we need to become because of the people we surround ourselves with? Do our friends and loved ones push us to that next level? Do they help raise us up to be more than we thought we could be? Is it because they believe in us? They support us and give us that extra umpf we need to go that extra mile or is it already there, hidden deep inside us just waiting for us to realize it for ourselves? Do we need anyone else to be more than we thought we could?
Something has changed in me. Something over the last year or so has changed inside my soul that is blocking me, stopping me from experiencing life and living the way I want to because I find myself needing/wanting/waiting for someone else to do this with. I feel the need to have another person with me, to be accountable to, to spend my days with and it's really strange. I have never been that person that needed anyone to do do things for me or with me but suddenly, things have shifted. I no longer feel like I can survive alone...yet the people I am choosing to let into my life aren't there for long term. They are just killing time until something better comes along...and I know this because as soon as it does, I am not necessary in their lives. I become the "back burner" friend/partner. The one they can call to help them move, or to babysit, or to comfort them when something goes wrong but I am not the "one".
I am not necessary to anyone other than myself. I get that, we all should be that way, but it's an odd realization when you actually realize it. When it becomes your reality. I can't blame people however, becaus I have allowed this to happen. I have allowed myself to play that role so in part, it is my own doing. There is no logic in life.
We surround ourselves with things that make us feel.....pictures that make us smile, clothes that make us feel good, shoes that make us feel like rock stars and people that help fill those little tiny holes inside of us that we can't seem to do ourselves. What happens when there are no more spots to be filled? Do we get rid of the old and get new or do we just keep layering them on, hoping that we have a spare in case of an emergency?
In someone else's eyes, I have it all. Now I just have to decide where to go with it.
In someone else's eyes I am not who I really am. I am so much more that I will ever be. I am this amazing person...someone with possibility, hope, drive, aspirations to change the world, but the reality is....I am just me....just this person who wakes up everyday hoping today will be better than yesterday and hoping that at some point today, I find my reason.
I look at others and do the same thing. I think "man, what I wouldn't give for that life". "If I had THAT I would be happy" or "if I lived there I'd be content" and for sure "if I drove that I'd be someone"...but the reality it....I am all that...now, with what I have and where I live and what I own. I have so much more than I even realize....yet somehow, some days, it just doesn't seem like enough.
I went to my boss's daughters senior recital. She is 17/18 years old and just getting ready to enter the real world on her own, going off to college later this year armed with all the ambition and amazing, surreal talent and it kind of stunned me how much talent one person can have. She has the world at her fingertips right now and all she has to do is just keep moving towards it with open arms. I see amazing things in her future. It made me wonder, did I ever have that kind of a moment? Did anyone ever look at me and think I could change the world? Did I ever have the world at my fingertips and all I had to do was move towards it with open arms or has it been this elusive, moving, merry go round of a thing that no matter how much I move or try to get there, it has always just been out of my reach.
Potential. It's amazing when someone has it. I think we all have it, it's just how much effort are we willing to put towards making it happen? As you get older and start to have what I like to call "life disappointments" it wears you down. As I get older I feel my "potential" slipping away from me, out of my control and out of my grasp. Is it because I'm too tired to fight the fight any more or is it that I've just come to accept myself as I am?
What does it all come down to? Do we become who we need to become because of the people we surround ourselves with? Do our friends and loved ones push us to that next level? Do they help raise us up to be more than we thought we could be? Is it because they believe in us? They support us and give us that extra umpf we need to go that extra mile or is it already there, hidden deep inside us just waiting for us to realize it for ourselves? Do we need anyone else to be more than we thought we could?
Something has changed in me. Something over the last year or so has changed inside my soul that is blocking me, stopping me from experiencing life and living the way I want to because I find myself needing/wanting/waiting for someone else to do this with. I feel the need to have another person with me, to be accountable to, to spend my days with and it's really strange. I have never been that person that needed anyone to do do things for me or with me but suddenly, things have shifted. I no longer feel like I can survive alone...yet the people I am choosing to let into my life aren't there for long term. They are just killing time until something better comes along...and I know this because as soon as it does, I am not necessary in their lives. I become the "back burner" friend/partner. The one they can call to help them move, or to babysit, or to comfort them when something goes wrong but I am not the "one".
I am not necessary to anyone other than myself. I get that, we all should be that way, but it's an odd realization when you actually realize it. When it becomes your reality. I can't blame people however, becaus I have allowed this to happen. I have allowed myself to play that role so in part, it is my own doing. There is no logic in life.
We surround ourselves with things that make us feel.....pictures that make us smile, clothes that make us feel good, shoes that make us feel like rock stars and people that help fill those little tiny holes inside of us that we can't seem to do ourselves. What happens when there are no more spots to be filled? Do we get rid of the old and get new or do we just keep layering them on, hoping that we have a spare in case of an emergency?
In someone else's eyes, I have it all. Now I just have to decide where to go with it.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Fake it until you make it???
Have you ever had that feeling in your life when nothing is working? You’re feeling down, people you thought were on your side are suddenly not at all who you thought they were? You feel the whole world is against you and nothing is going right.
Unless you are a manic depressive, hopefully this only happens once in a blue moon. What do you do when this happens? Fake it until you make it...right?
There is a difference between fake and real energy. It all starts with desire. Desire - to wish or long for, crave, want. Maybe it's more like a vision....or purpose. Whatever you want to call it, it's the energy that comes from an internal drive or desire. What do you do when the days are too long and there is nothing left in your well to re-fuel yourself? When it feels like you are sleep walking through your own life. What if your desire for your own life has left you? How do you re-capture that core energy or desire and re-fuel your soul?
Ben Franklin said "a man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." Being self absorbed wastes a lot of energy. It always helps to clear your head and to focus on something outside yourself. Change your focus, change your struggle. Life is about struggle. We have these assumptions that struggle is not suppose to happen. It should be easy...right? Struggle is part of the game. Without it, we would not have growth. Wasted energy comes from just sitting still and not learning or moving on. As the Dali Lama says "When you lose, don't lose the lesson."
Mostly when things aren't going our way we want to stop, to quit or hide. Really those moments are what make us re-evaluate where we are where we need to go. Are these messages we aren't hearing or seeing?
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" John Wayne
Unless you are a manic depressive, hopefully this only happens once in a blue moon. What do you do when this happens? Fake it until you make it...right?
There is a difference between fake and real energy. It all starts with desire. Desire - to wish or long for, crave, want. Maybe it's more like a vision....or purpose. Whatever you want to call it, it's the energy that comes from an internal drive or desire. What do you do when the days are too long and there is nothing left in your well to re-fuel yourself? When it feels like you are sleep walking through your own life. What if your desire for your own life has left you? How do you re-capture that core energy or desire and re-fuel your soul?
Ben Franklin said "a man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." Being self absorbed wastes a lot of energy. It always helps to clear your head and to focus on something outside yourself. Change your focus, change your struggle. Life is about struggle. We have these assumptions that struggle is not suppose to happen. It should be easy...right? Struggle is part of the game. Without it, we would not have growth. Wasted energy comes from just sitting still and not learning or moving on. As the Dali Lama says "When you lose, don't lose the lesson."
Mostly when things aren't going our way we want to stop, to quit or hide. Really those moments are what make us re-evaluate where we are where we need to go. Are these messages we aren't hearing or seeing?
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" John Wayne
Monday, April 19, 2010
What you want
I know there is that old saying be careful of what you wish for....you just might get it.
It makes one think about what we really want in life...and how do we get it. The Universe will tell you Thoughts become things...choose the good ones...but how do you make your heart and soul connect with your mind and have good thoughts. It's a daily challenge to figure out what it is we really want.
If time has taught us anything, it's that everything we need is already there, within us. It's there for the taking, all we have to do is reach deep inside and find where it’s hidden and pull it out. As my friend Heidi said "no one else can make you happy, or complete you, it's already there INSIDE you and you just have to meet the right people who help you remember that and bring that out in you. It's all already inside of us." I may not have her quote exact, but it's the general idea of we are all we ever need and it's up to us to bring it or not.
The challenge then becomes, letting go of all our own stuff that gets in the way. Whether it is the perfect relationship, adorable family, successful career, financial stability, glowing health, or something entirely different, getting what we want drives a lot of us. Even if we're not quite sure what it is that we actually want, or think we want, we still spend our time doing all sorts of things that we think might get us there. How exhausting!
All that wanting and doing can take us far away from ourselves and takes us out of the present moment where everything happens. The end result is often discontent no matter how much of the achieved "stuff" surrounds us. Clearing out the clutter that we've built up in our lives is a good place to start. Or so I've been told.
One of the biggest complaints people have is that they just don't have time. How many times have you caught yourself saying that…is it true or is it more habit? For me personally, I tend to fill my days with events and things to do so I don’t have that elusive quiet time. When we say we just don’t have the time, what we usually mean is that we don't have quiet time. It’s time to find some quiet time to defrag your brain. One easy way to do that is to turn the radio or CD off when you are driving and notice how you feel at the end of the day. Quiet time can be found in lots of places if we look for it.
“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, and then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.” Unknown
When we make space, good things can happen. We've all experienced it. A simple task like cleaning the house can leave us feeling calm, relaxed, and inspired. There is literally more room to think in a clean house. Whether it is through cleaning, practice, meditation, or thoughtful planning, when we make space, the good stuff has room to come our way.
There are several easy steps you can take today to get what it is you want:
1. Be YOU. There is only one YOU on this planet. Take advantage of that. You are inspiring, creative, intelligent and capable. Spending energy trying to be like anyone else is foolish and not who you are, you are amazing just as you are.
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” Judy Garland
2. Do what you love. When doing something you love, no matter what you'd be getting paid, or think the outcome might be, not only will you enjoy yourself more, but you have a better chance of actually creating a sustainable life. Happiness is contagious.
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." Milton Berle
3. Trust your instincts.
"I feel there are two people inside of me, me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." Kim Basinger
4. Work hard. No one is going to do the work for you. You have to show up every time.
"Hard work has made it easy. That is my secret. That is why I win. If it were easy everyone would be a champion." Nadia Comaneci
5. Be nice to people.
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world” Anne Frank
6. Don't listen to your critics.
"If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business." Abraham Lincoln
7. Be patient. Things might not happen in the time frame you want. Patience can be your biggest asset. Cultivate it.
“One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life” Chinese Proverb
8. Take care of yourself. Your health is a responsibility that is completely in your control.
"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease." Buddha
9. Stop complaining. If you don't like how something is, change it. We can't change everything, but we can do quite a bit about our circumstances when we drop the complaints.
"Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses." Proverb
10. Have fun. Life is too short to not enjoy the ride. If you're not having fun then what's the point?
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." Katharine Hepburn
It makes one think about what we really want in life...and how do we get it. The Universe will tell you Thoughts become things...choose the good ones...but how do you make your heart and soul connect with your mind and have good thoughts. It's a daily challenge to figure out what it is we really want.
If time has taught us anything, it's that everything we need is already there, within us. It's there for the taking, all we have to do is reach deep inside and find where it’s hidden and pull it out. As my friend Heidi said "no one else can make you happy, or complete you, it's already there INSIDE you and you just have to meet the right people who help you remember that and bring that out in you. It's all already inside of us." I may not have her quote exact, but it's the general idea of we are all we ever need and it's up to us to bring it or not.
The challenge then becomes, letting go of all our own stuff that gets in the way. Whether it is the perfect relationship, adorable family, successful career, financial stability, glowing health, or something entirely different, getting what we want drives a lot of us. Even if we're not quite sure what it is that we actually want, or think we want, we still spend our time doing all sorts of things that we think might get us there. How exhausting!
All that wanting and doing can take us far away from ourselves and takes us out of the present moment where everything happens. The end result is often discontent no matter how much of the achieved "stuff" surrounds us. Clearing out the clutter that we've built up in our lives is a good place to start. Or so I've been told.
One of the biggest complaints people have is that they just don't have time. How many times have you caught yourself saying that…is it true or is it more habit? For me personally, I tend to fill my days with events and things to do so I don’t have that elusive quiet time. When we say we just don’t have the time, what we usually mean is that we don't have quiet time. It’s time to find some quiet time to defrag your brain. One easy way to do that is to turn the radio or CD off when you are driving and notice how you feel at the end of the day. Quiet time can be found in lots of places if we look for it.
“Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, and then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart.” Unknown
When we make space, good things can happen. We've all experienced it. A simple task like cleaning the house can leave us feeling calm, relaxed, and inspired. There is literally more room to think in a clean house. Whether it is through cleaning, practice, meditation, or thoughtful planning, when we make space, the good stuff has room to come our way.
There are several easy steps you can take today to get what it is you want:
1. Be YOU. There is only one YOU on this planet. Take advantage of that. You are inspiring, creative, intelligent and capable. Spending energy trying to be like anyone else is foolish and not who you are, you are amazing just as you are.
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” Judy Garland
2. Do what you love. When doing something you love, no matter what you'd be getting paid, or think the outcome might be, not only will you enjoy yourself more, but you have a better chance of actually creating a sustainable life. Happiness is contagious.
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." Milton Berle
3. Trust your instincts.
"I feel there are two people inside of me, me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." Kim Basinger
4. Work hard. No one is going to do the work for you. You have to show up every time.
"Hard work has made it easy. That is my secret. That is why I win. If it were easy everyone would be a champion." Nadia Comaneci
5. Be nice to people.
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world” Anne Frank
6. Don't listen to your critics.
"If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business." Abraham Lincoln
7. Be patient. Things might not happen in the time frame you want. Patience can be your biggest asset. Cultivate it.
“One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life” Chinese Proverb
8. Take care of yourself. Your health is a responsibility that is completely in your control.
"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease." Buddha
9. Stop complaining. If you don't like how something is, change it. We can't change everything, but we can do quite a bit about our circumstances when we drop the complaints.
"Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses." Proverb
10. Have fun. Life is too short to not enjoy the ride. If you're not having fun then what's the point?
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." Katharine Hepburn
Friday, April 16, 2010
Simpler times
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own world, our needs, our wants, our own craziness that we forget about the simpler times in our life. Sometimes when you really aren't thinking - it happens.
As I was driving to work this am flipping radio stations because I'm bored with the CD's in my player and just haven't changed them yet and I detest the morning blather most radio shows tout, I all of a sudden hit a station that threw me back to my younger days and the simpler times. I remember when a Saturday meant something. It was a time to hang with my friends, to do something wild and crazy like maybe hang at the mall, see a movie or if I was feeling particularly "wild" - roller skate. Yes, I got my "wheel" on a time or two. I never did perfect the backwards skate but it was ALWAYS my goal. The song "Keep It Coming Love" by KC and the Sunshine band was just starting. Insert dream sequence here.
I remembered the first time I really noticed that song...I was at a Halloween skating party and I was grooving along when suddenly that song came on, the lights kind of dimmed, the disco balls were in full swing and this boy I had always had a terrible crush on came up next to me and took my hand. We didn't say a word, we just skated in that endless circle over and over and over and when the song ended and he let go of my hand and that was it. That was all I had, that one tiny moment in time. Simpler times.
Maybe that's why I try to capture a "moment" in film....to take me back to a happy place, to a moment in time where I was happy, I meant something to someone, for a second, for a minute, for a day...where I felt like for a fleeting moment, the world was mine. That's what those times mean....at least to me.
So I googled the lyrics to the song...which oddly enough I could remember almost ALL of the lyrics.....
Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop it!Don't let your well run dry, don't stop it now.Don't give me no reasons why, don't stop it now!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop it!Don't build me up just to let me drop, don't stop it now!Don't turn me on just to turn me off, don't stop it now!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop it!Don't tell me there ain't no more, don't stop it now!Don't turn me down and just close your door, don't stop it now!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop it!
And really, who is surprised that there isn't more to this song than the good beat (easy to skate to) and the same sets of words over and over and over. With a few (three to be exact) little sentences that aren't the chorus....it was a hit! If you read the three sentences that aren't part of the chorus it's kind of strange how much it really is a message that is current for today. Nothing much changes....we get in relationships...or try to....with the wrong person all the time. That doesn't change over time....we try to give our hearts to someone who clearly doesn't want them. Weird how simple the message is and yet how it's also ageless.
I want the simpler times back. I want to look forward to a Saturday event that was as simple as a roller skating night. It's hard to be an adult.
As I was driving to work this am flipping radio stations because I'm bored with the CD's in my player and just haven't changed them yet and I detest the morning blather most radio shows tout, I all of a sudden hit a station that threw me back to my younger days and the simpler times. I remember when a Saturday meant something. It was a time to hang with my friends, to do something wild and crazy like maybe hang at the mall, see a movie or if I was feeling particularly "wild" - roller skate. Yes, I got my "wheel" on a time or two. I never did perfect the backwards skate but it was ALWAYS my goal. The song "Keep It Coming Love" by KC and the Sunshine band was just starting. Insert dream sequence here.
I remembered the first time I really noticed that song...I was at a Halloween skating party and I was grooving along when suddenly that song came on, the lights kind of dimmed, the disco balls were in full swing and this boy I had always had a terrible crush on came up next to me and took my hand. We didn't say a word, we just skated in that endless circle over and over and over and when the song ended and he let go of my hand and that was it. That was all I had, that one tiny moment in time. Simpler times.
Maybe that's why I try to capture a "moment" in film....to take me back to a happy place, to a moment in time where I was happy, I meant something to someone, for a second, for a minute, for a day...where I felt like for a fleeting moment, the world was mine. That's what those times mean....at least to me.
So I googled the lyrics to the song...which oddly enough I could remember almost ALL of the lyrics.....
Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop it!Don't let your well run dry, don't stop it now.Don't give me no reasons why, don't stop it now!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop it!Don't build me up just to let me drop, don't stop it now!Don't turn me on just to turn me off, don't stop it now!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop it!Don't tell me there ain't no more, don't stop it now!Don't turn me down and just close your door, don't stop it now!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop!Keep it coming, love! Keep it coming, love!Don't stop it now, don't stop it, no, don't stop it now, don't stop it!
And really, who is surprised that there isn't more to this song than the good beat (easy to skate to) and the same sets of words over and over and over. With a few (three to be exact) little sentences that aren't the chorus....it was a hit! If you read the three sentences that aren't part of the chorus it's kind of strange how much it really is a message that is current for today. Nothing much changes....we get in relationships...or try to....with the wrong person all the time. That doesn't change over time....we try to give our hearts to someone who clearly doesn't want them. Weird how simple the message is and yet how it's also ageless.
I want the simpler times back. I want to look forward to a Saturday event that was as simple as a roller skating night. It's hard to be an adult.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Living in the moment or looking ahead
I am a fan of the phrase "live outside your bubble". Meaning there is life and so much more going on in the world around you that people tend to forget anyone but themselves exists. We tend to be so focused on the here and now that we forget to look ahead, to look outside our own bubble and see anyone else.
I am just as guilty of it as the next person is personally but professionally my job is always planning ahead. I am always working on something coming up, something for next week, or next month or planning and preparing for something this summer. How do we learn to live in the moment and yet plan for the future.
We get such mixed messages as a kid it's no wonder we get confused as an adult. Don't talk to strangers yet we were plopped down on Santa's lap and told to smile and tell him what you want for Christmas. Though terrified, we obeyed our parents. Think before you speak. How can you do that when someone wants an answer from you right now....mixed messages. How do we learn to balance the living in the moment vs. the plan and focus on where you want to be.
I rode the elevator this morning with this young woman. She must have been in her mid to late 20's. She had a long flowing mane of hair, a white shirt buttoned up, tasteful jewelery and an skin tight pencil skirt that hugged all her natural perfect curves. She was gorgeous. Perfect. She stood there in her 1" pointed toed shoes (her feet will not like her later in life for that choice) and her Coach bag hanging off her arm that held her Starbucks (probably a soy latte) and she looked like.....hope. Hope for the future...hope that something that beautiful and perfect with her blue tooth hanging off her ear, was going to change the world. I could feel the energy oozing from her and I was jealous. Jealous of her beauty, her young-ness, her sense of style and mostly for her sense that she was most definitely going to rule the world.
As I stared at her I thought....I wonder what it would be like to be her for just one day. To be that pretty and together and young...it seems as if the world was hers for the taking. I wonder if I ever had that time in my life? Did I ever feel like I was going to conquer the world and be the master of the Universe? I can barely remember yesterday so I can't really say with any certainty but I'd like to believe I did...once....a long time ago in a land far, far away.
How do you not plan ahead. I like to have things to look forward to. But if I'm so busy planning what's GOING to happen, how will I ever learn to experience the here and now, the unexpected little finds the Universe sends my way. Is there a balance or is it one way or the other?
I am just as guilty of it as the next person is personally but professionally my job is always planning ahead. I am always working on something coming up, something for next week, or next month or planning and preparing for something this summer. How do we learn to live in the moment and yet plan for the future.
We get such mixed messages as a kid it's no wonder we get confused as an adult. Don't talk to strangers yet we were plopped down on Santa's lap and told to smile and tell him what you want for Christmas. Though terrified, we obeyed our parents. Think before you speak. How can you do that when someone wants an answer from you right now....mixed messages. How do we learn to balance the living in the moment vs. the plan and focus on where you want to be.
I rode the elevator this morning with this young woman. She must have been in her mid to late 20's. She had a long flowing mane of hair, a white shirt buttoned up, tasteful jewelery and an skin tight pencil skirt that hugged all her natural perfect curves. She was gorgeous. Perfect. She stood there in her 1" pointed toed shoes (her feet will not like her later in life for that choice) and her Coach bag hanging off her arm that held her Starbucks (probably a soy latte) and she looked like.....hope. Hope for the future...hope that something that beautiful and perfect with her blue tooth hanging off her ear, was going to change the world. I could feel the energy oozing from her and I was jealous. Jealous of her beauty, her young-ness, her sense of style and mostly for her sense that she was most definitely going to rule the world.
As I stared at her I thought....I wonder what it would be like to be her for just one day. To be that pretty and together and young...it seems as if the world was hers for the taking. I wonder if I ever had that time in my life? Did I ever feel like I was going to conquer the world and be the master of the Universe? I can barely remember yesterday so I can't really say with any certainty but I'd like to believe I did...once....a long time ago in a land far, far away.
How do you not plan ahead. I like to have things to look forward to. But if I'm so busy planning what's GOING to happen, how will I ever learn to experience the here and now, the unexpected little finds the Universe sends my way. Is there a balance or is it one way or the other?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Friendships
People matter. No person is an island, and we need connections with others to keep us motivated and to help us grow. I’ve recently re-adjusted my scope and definition of valued friendships.
Friends have always been important to me. People I can be my true self with, people who "get me" on a deeper level. People both personally and professionally I can turn to, and I'm lucky, I'm one of those people that makes friends pretty easily. I am of the notion that to have friends, you much be a friend. This is a strong belief of mine, a belief that it’s as important to me as any other facet in my life. I've always placed more value on my personal friendships, and usually frowned on the groups of colleagues who travel together in packs or just hit the town on holidays or weekends. There is more value in a friendship to me than an occasional let's go out and party kind of friend.
I'm slowly discovering, however, that personal friendships aren't always fulfilling. I’m happy for my friends and their own lives, and I make the effort to celebrate them when things happen and mostly they celebrate mine—the birthdays, the girls' nights out, the boyfriend issues and just plain old hanging out fun. But I feel like I've reached a pinnacle point in my life however, where I want more. I need more, I feel like I deserve more than I get and it's frustrating. I feel like I am the one giving all the time....always the one going to them, picking them up, doing what they want, spending time with them AND their families and I want to say what about me? What about spending time with ME? What about doing what I want? What I need? How about hanging out or talking or doing things we used to like doing. What happened to spending time with your friends?
Selfish? Perhaps. But I feel so disappointed from a personal standpoint, because I feel like it's time to cultivate friendships that are more of an equal spilt. I can't always be the one calling, planning, texting, asking to spend time with you. They have to want it to. I can't be the one put on the back burner all the time until they decide they need me, or need something from me. I need more. I desreve their time, attention and support.
Stubborn? Sure. Perhaps. There is a chasm between my definition of personal happiness, and those of my wider set of friends: Mine includes my career. I’m convinced, for instance, that if I had news to share of a marriage or a pregnancy, I would be accepted into the bigger picture, but because that is not my chosen life path, crickets. I shouldn't have to fight to spend time with the people I enjoy spending time with. I shouldn't have to always have conditions put on my time with my friends. I don't sit around waiting for them to finally decide to include me. I am out searching, cultivating, building new friendships who help fill that void. I can't be the "on call" friend. I can't do part time.
I guess it's time I figure out where my personal fulfillment really comes from. There are really two parts to it, personal and professional. On the professional front my peers provide a lot of my day to day interaction and social activities. I need them, and there is a good chance they need me, too - even if they don't realize it. Personally, I have to stop trying to make those people who have chosen different paths to come walk on my path with me, I have to let them go down their road without me and hope that someday, some time they will miss me an come back.
So, on the eve of yet another milestone of life, I must reflect and decide which friendships I invest my time and energy to and which I need to let go. I need to be sure I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”–Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friends have always been important to me. People I can be my true self with, people who "get me" on a deeper level. People both personally and professionally I can turn to, and I'm lucky, I'm one of those people that makes friends pretty easily. I am of the notion that to have friends, you much be a friend. This is a strong belief of mine, a belief that it’s as important to me as any other facet in my life. I've always placed more value on my personal friendships, and usually frowned on the groups of colleagues who travel together in packs or just hit the town on holidays or weekends. There is more value in a friendship to me than an occasional let's go out and party kind of friend.
I'm slowly discovering, however, that personal friendships aren't always fulfilling. I’m happy for my friends and their own lives, and I make the effort to celebrate them when things happen and mostly they celebrate mine—the birthdays, the girls' nights out, the boyfriend issues and just plain old hanging out fun. But I feel like I've reached a pinnacle point in my life however, where I want more. I need more, I feel like I deserve more than I get and it's frustrating. I feel like I am the one giving all the time....always the one going to them, picking them up, doing what they want, spending time with them AND their families and I want to say what about me? What about spending time with ME? What about doing what I want? What I need? How about hanging out or talking or doing things we used to like doing. What happened to spending time with your friends?
Selfish? Perhaps. But I feel so disappointed from a personal standpoint, because I feel like it's time to cultivate friendships that are more of an equal spilt. I can't always be the one calling, planning, texting, asking to spend time with you. They have to want it to. I can't be the one put on the back burner all the time until they decide they need me, or need something from me. I need more. I desreve their time, attention and support.
Stubborn? Sure. Perhaps. There is a chasm between my definition of personal happiness, and those of my wider set of friends: Mine includes my career. I’m convinced, for instance, that if I had news to share of a marriage or a pregnancy, I would be accepted into the bigger picture, but because that is not my chosen life path, crickets. I shouldn't have to fight to spend time with the people I enjoy spending time with. I shouldn't have to always have conditions put on my time with my friends. I don't sit around waiting for them to finally decide to include me. I am out searching, cultivating, building new friendships who help fill that void. I can't be the "on call" friend. I can't do part time.
I guess it's time I figure out where my personal fulfillment really comes from. There are really two parts to it, personal and professional. On the professional front my peers provide a lot of my day to day interaction and social activities. I need them, and there is a good chance they need me, too - even if they don't realize it. Personally, I have to stop trying to make those people who have chosen different paths to come walk on my path with me, I have to let them go down their road without me and hope that someday, some time they will miss me an come back.
So, on the eve of yet another milestone of life, I must reflect and decide which friendships I invest my time and energy to and which I need to let go. I need to be sure I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”–Ralph Waldo Emerson
Monday, April 12, 2010
Having it all and enjoying it
I am a big beleiver in two things - 1 - What goes around, comes around. Meaning treat others as you would like to be treated and eventually, it will all turn out how it's suppose to. If you give good, you will get good and 2 - Thoughts become things. If you thing positive things, they will happen. If you focus and think about the negative, it also comes true.
If only we could harness our own power and remember to always use it for good and not evil. These two messages keep coming back to me in many forms within my own life. I try very hard to be a positive person, to look a the glass as half full vs. half empty, I try to find the good in people, even the j-holes you end up having to deal with on a daily basis, not by choice but because you work with them or live in the same building with them....things you don't really have a choice on. Somedays I really need a reminder of what it's all about...what it's all for. Why I am really chosing to do what it is I am doing. Why am I spending my time and energy on these places or things....makes you stop and re-asses a little. Then it comes down to making the right choice. How do I want to spend my time/energy.
I hate being alone, I've always hated it and so I choose to find ways to fill my time, my days, my space so I don't feel alone, so I don't have to be alone. It's easy for me to do, but I admit, it's not for everyone. I like being connected to other people....I like having them around, I like texting, talking, sitting with, drinking with, eating with, walking with or just plain old hanging out with other people....but I get that it's not for everyone. Some people don't need that level of connection with me....or others.....so it's hard for them to stay invested in me.
It's funny how quickly things change. I beleive people meet when they are suppose to. That people come into our lives when we need them. That friendships are formed when two people meet and find they fill that void within each other and they connect and form a friendship. The hard thing is when one of those people then moves on and finds someone else, or something else to fill that void and your left behind, wondering what's next. What do you do now? Tiime is a an interesting mistress.
I have a terrible habit of comparing myself, my life, my wants and needs with others, whether it's one of my sisters, a friend or a co-worker. It's really easy to look at the outside of what others have and say "I want that life", "I want what they have", and to compare ourselves to what we think is the better life, the better opportunities...the better everything. When do we learn to be content and happy with what we have, with where we are, with who we are? When do we start learning to enjoy what we have instead of always looking for the next new thing, the "better" thing, more.
When do we realize we have enough, we are enough and enjoy it?
If only we could harness our own power and remember to always use it for good and not evil. These two messages keep coming back to me in many forms within my own life. I try very hard to be a positive person, to look a the glass as half full vs. half empty, I try to find the good in people, even the j-holes you end up having to deal with on a daily basis, not by choice but because you work with them or live in the same building with them....things you don't really have a choice on. Somedays I really need a reminder of what it's all about...what it's all for. Why I am really chosing to do what it is I am doing. Why am I spending my time and energy on these places or things....makes you stop and re-asses a little. Then it comes down to making the right choice. How do I want to spend my time/energy.
I hate being alone, I've always hated it and so I choose to find ways to fill my time, my days, my space so I don't feel alone, so I don't have to be alone. It's easy for me to do, but I admit, it's not for everyone. I like being connected to other people....I like having them around, I like texting, talking, sitting with, drinking with, eating with, walking with or just plain old hanging out with other people....but I get that it's not for everyone. Some people don't need that level of connection with me....or others.....so it's hard for them to stay invested in me.
It's funny how quickly things change. I beleive people meet when they are suppose to. That people come into our lives when we need them. That friendships are formed when two people meet and find they fill that void within each other and they connect and form a friendship. The hard thing is when one of those people then moves on and finds someone else, or something else to fill that void and your left behind, wondering what's next. What do you do now? Tiime is a an interesting mistress.
I have a terrible habit of comparing myself, my life, my wants and needs with others, whether it's one of my sisters, a friend or a co-worker. It's really easy to look at the outside of what others have and say "I want that life", "I want what they have", and to compare ourselves to what we think is the better life, the better opportunities...the better everything. When do we learn to be content and happy with what we have, with where we are, with who we are? When do we start learning to enjoy what we have instead of always looking for the next new thing, the "better" thing, more.
When do we realize we have enough, we are enough and enjoy it?
Monday, April 5, 2010
Living under water
You know that sound your breath makes when you lie floating in the tub or some kind of water where you just sort of float with your head half way in the water, up to your ears and the world gets really, really quiet and all you hear is the sound of your own breath. It's like the entire world has shut down on you. The sun beats down on you warm and soothing and all you hear is the sound of your own breath. I would like to capture that moment, that feeling and use it when I need it during any given week day.
I realized after having an entire week off both jobs how quiet a person can be. I worked really hard at not filling up my days with stuff. I did a little bit each day that incorporated time with friends but made sure I had lots of me time, uninterrupted time to think and plan and....clean out the cobweb's. Not sure I completed the task 100% but I feel like it was a really good start.
I've come to realize something rather interesting over my time off. Change is always difficult. Especially when it's not me making the change. Sometimes we make the choice to change something in our lives like we choose to stop drinking coffee or stop hanging out with those people who we feel no longer have things in common with or quit some bad habit. But when we don't make the choice ourselves, it's harder to process and deal with.
When you are used to hanging out with a friend pretty much at the drop of a hat, a person you know you can always count on to be your partner in crime and suddenly they make different choices in their life like getting a new partner or a new job or they move away - you're left out in the cold. Your left alone and without getting to make the choice, you no longer have the ying to your yang. It's a little hard to swallow sometimes. Like all of a sudden the things you wanted to do with this person are no longer an option because they can't really give you the time anymore, your not their priority, your not the one they want to spend their time with anymore, your the one left alone wondering where you friend has gone and they go on, obliviously unaware of the empty spot they've now left in your life. It's hard to be the one left by the curbside as they move on with their life. Sure you get the occasional call to do something but it's no longer the same, it's no longer the batman and robin relationship you had. Someone always feels left out in the end. I'm just tired of it being me.
It's funny how much changes in one year. Last year at this time my life was so different. It felt like there was so much more good happening, so many more possibilities at my fingertips and barely one year later it's like I'm standing on a deserted street and giant tumbleweeds are blowing across the road.....ghost town. How does that happen so fast?
This week gave me a chance to look at my own life, my priorities, my wants and my own needs and to try to put them all in perspective and it's a little surprising where everything seems to land. I was telling a friend of mine that I feel lately like a square peg trying to squeeze into a round hole...or is it visa verse? Either way, it feels like there isn't a place I just naturally fit.
It feels like a bad Dr. Suess book. The one thing I've really learned from my Yoga class is how important breathing is. Not just for the obvious reasons like keeping myself alive but how becoming aware of your own breath and how sometimes just focusing on it can make a huge difference. In quiet moments and in the midst of chaos, just focusing on controlling what little things I can really helps me get back to my center, to my core and think. I realize that's something I've been avoiding doing lately...I've been to busy or distracted to really spend anytime thinking. I went for a walk by myself on Friday and found myself really focusing on my breath and my own thoughts and I gotta say, it's kind of a lot to process.
So....just breathe.....that's going to be my mantra.....focus on the breath and the rest will fall into place.
I realized after having an entire week off both jobs how quiet a person can be. I worked really hard at not filling up my days with stuff. I did a little bit each day that incorporated time with friends but made sure I had lots of me time, uninterrupted time to think and plan and....clean out the cobweb's. Not sure I completed the task 100% but I feel like it was a really good start.
I've come to realize something rather interesting over my time off. Change is always difficult. Especially when it's not me making the change. Sometimes we make the choice to change something in our lives like we choose to stop drinking coffee or stop hanging out with those people who we feel no longer have things in common with or quit some bad habit. But when we don't make the choice ourselves, it's harder to process and deal with.
When you are used to hanging out with a friend pretty much at the drop of a hat, a person you know you can always count on to be your partner in crime and suddenly they make different choices in their life like getting a new partner or a new job or they move away - you're left out in the cold. Your left alone and without getting to make the choice, you no longer have the ying to your yang. It's a little hard to swallow sometimes. Like all of a sudden the things you wanted to do with this person are no longer an option because they can't really give you the time anymore, your not their priority, your not the one they want to spend their time with anymore, your the one left alone wondering where you friend has gone and they go on, obliviously unaware of the empty spot they've now left in your life. It's hard to be the one left by the curbside as they move on with their life. Sure you get the occasional call to do something but it's no longer the same, it's no longer the batman and robin relationship you had. Someone always feels left out in the end. I'm just tired of it being me.
It's funny how much changes in one year. Last year at this time my life was so different. It felt like there was so much more good happening, so many more possibilities at my fingertips and barely one year later it's like I'm standing on a deserted street and giant tumbleweeds are blowing across the road.....ghost town. How does that happen so fast?
This week gave me a chance to look at my own life, my priorities, my wants and my own needs and to try to put them all in perspective and it's a little surprising where everything seems to land. I was telling a friend of mine that I feel lately like a square peg trying to squeeze into a round hole...or is it visa verse? Either way, it feels like there isn't a place I just naturally fit.
It feels like a bad Dr. Suess book. The one thing I've really learned from my Yoga class is how important breathing is. Not just for the obvious reasons like keeping myself alive but how becoming aware of your own breath and how sometimes just focusing on it can make a huge difference. In quiet moments and in the midst of chaos, just focusing on controlling what little things I can really helps me get back to my center, to my core and think. I realize that's something I've been avoiding doing lately...I've been to busy or distracted to really spend anytime thinking. I went for a walk by myself on Friday and found myself really focusing on my breath and my own thoughts and I gotta say, it's kind of a lot to process.
So....just breathe.....that's going to be my mantra.....focus on the breath and the rest will fall into place.
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