It's over

You know that feeling you have in a job or a relationship or just in general, where you just wake up and you KNOW, without a doubt, it's over. You have nothing left to give inside that can offer anything more to the situation and you know for all parties involved it's just best to walk away, to quit, to stop pretending anymore. It's over.

Problem is, usually when it's over you have a plan, an idea, a place to go to recharge, to make over your life. Change is in the wind, all you have to do is open your arms and embrace it. I read this quote in my Oprah magazine "a make-over shouldn't turn you into someone else - it should lead to a better you." Isn't that what we are doing when we reach that point and move on....looking for a better us? Searching for that elusive thing that makes us happy, makes us feel loved, brings us joy? Isn't that what experiences are about...to find out what works for us and what doesn't? Reinvention doesn't happen when you hate the person you are right now.

Along with change comes the baggage we choose to take with us on our journey. I heard a quote once that said "I am looking for someone with baggage to match mine." Makes me giggle a little but really it's true. You don't want to someone with a lot of mismatched baggage, you don't mind some, even it it's tattered, torn and kinda worn around the edges, but it has to sort of match yours...you can't be going against who you really are. That's the hard part, at least it seems to be for me. It's like the only baggage left out there is some crazy funky pattern I just can't make go with mine....and mine is crazy enough.

Life is full of twists and turns, feel like sometimes the only thing to do is to start looking at everything again until you forget what you're supposed to see and then actually just see what is really there. Time to take off the rose-colored glasses and look at things as they really are, no sense in pretending they are anything more that what they really are.

You never know what is going to cause a memorable event for yourself or for someone else. A few years ago I had a night I can't erase from my brain. It's forever etched in my mind as a pivotal point in my adult life. It wasn't planned, it was a sort of spontaneous moment in time that I wish I could capture and have everyday, but it's not to be....but I have that moment in time, that place and that person forever etched into my memory.

I often do things without much thought...some would claim I am not living in the moment and maybe that's true but it's who I am...at least right now. I blogged about that after hearing this great speaker who talked about living in the moment and how we don't really do that very well and how it's something we have to FORCE upon ourselves. Not sure that's good or bad. I often go through my life in such a state of routine that I forget about the moment in time I am in.

In making some drastic changes in my life lately, I've suddenly realized that sometimes I am the creator of moments for other people that they then hang onto and remember and refer back to that I didn't really think meant anything at all. It's a weird sort of moment when you realize you have made someone else's world shine for just a moment. I'm the cause of that one moment in time they remember and talk about and hopefully smile about.

I get so self involved most days trying to force my round self into so many square places that I forget I can and do have an impact on others. It feels like an immense responsibility for me now to know this.