What is best?

The older I get, the harder I know what is best for me anymore. As a kid, you relied on your parents or adults in your life to do that for you. They knew what was best for me, even if I didn't want to accept that fact that I couldn't have ice cream for dinner.

This message came today: You're the only person who knows what's right for you. The only one.
And if you already know what this is, commit to it. If you don't, commit to nothing.

I love that. It's a very important thought in my life right now. Commit to something. I think that's what I'm missing lately...a sense of belonging to something bigger than me. Something I can commit to 100%.

I've been feeling like the things I am doing in my life are sort of going against my internal grain. You know that old saying, going against the grain? I feel like my job, my personal life, my family life, even my friendships have been really challenged in the last few months. I feel like I am having to work so hard at maintaining all of them...it makes me wonder what's changed? What's shifted that makes me work so hard at ALL aspects of my life. Am I really doing what's best for me? How does one know what is best?

I know life is about a series of mistakes, trial and errors but it's kind of exhausting to have to keep that level of fight up day after day after day. Mama needs a break. Not like a vacation, feet in the sand kind of a break, although I sure wouldn't say NO to that, more of a mental break. A break from making my mind work so hard to figure things out. No wonder I can't sleep at night. I fill my head all day long with stuff that by the time my body wears out, my brain is still going strong. I really have to find a way to exhaust my brain.

Doing what's best...it seems easy when your deciding this for someone else. I want so bad to tell my friend the person she is so enamoured with is a jerk and she deserves better, but she's happy and who am I to tell her what's best? I want to tell my friend that the job she is in is sucking her soul dry and she has nothing left to give anyone else in her life because she is 110% devoted to a job that doesn't give her anything more than a paycheck, but again, who am I to tell her what's best. I'm sure if people look too closely at my life they have a check list of things to tell me what's best for me.

I guess that's what this little gig is about, life. It's about learning and moving along our path and figuring out what is in our own best interest. I just wish it wasn't so hard.