Who doesn't love a weekend? Especially nice long stress free weekend? Me...pick me. A few freinds and I left the cities for the wilderness - well sort of. We are in Isabella about 20 miles outside of Ely Minnesota right on the edge of the Boundary waters...it's pretty spectacular up here. Right out back of the cabin is a sort of portage to a bigger part of the Stoney River. It's just beautiful. It's very quiet and better yet they have high speed internet and a dish...so we have the opening ceremony of the Olympics playing as we stamp and scrapbook the day away.
We got in last last night, about 12:30 - a little delay in us getting here but we had fun along the way and once we got inside I went directly to bed. Although it's kind of comical that we were all suppose to bring our own sheets for the beds none of us actually brought the right size. I have a queen size bed at home and I got a queen size bed here and some how I brought a full sheet? Where do you suppose that came from? Robin is in a twin but brought a king and Kim is in a double and brought a full. HA HA HA....we are goof balls.
One thing I realized is it doesn't matter how much time has passed when friends haven't seen each other...if you are good friends then you can just reconnect immediately and it's great. It's been nothing but silly fun since we all got up. Love spending time with people like this! On a production note I've gotten about 30 cards made today! Tomorrow I start my Christmas cards...thats right CHRISTMAS!
Peace out
Friday, August 8, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Stuck
Someone should not let me have TWO cocktails on a school night with top shelf liquor...yikes.
I was really dragging this morning but on a brighter note, I think I slept really well...once I crawled into bed at about midnight. I did however wake at 5:45am all bright eyed and....well maybe not bright eyed at all. Probably picked a poor week to stop the caffeine. A nice cold glass of water just isn't cutting it.
I celebrated my friends birthday last night with dinner, a fun show (Hedwig and the Angry Inch) and then ended the night with 3 people I realize I've know for a good 20 years. It's shocking when you realize how long you've actually know someone...I mean really known them. It's funny at one point Troy mentioned that he had lived individually with each one of us at the table at one point or another in his life....well except Shelle...she may be next on the list. :) It was sort of amazing to me that I've known anyone outside of my family for that long of a time. I thought we've seen each other at our best and our worst and yet here we sat, a Wednesday night on Lake and Lyndale sharing a moment in time. Kinda powerful to think about in the whole scope of things. I know married people who are together shorter periods of time than my friendship with these people has lasted. It was a nice way to drift off into la la land last night.
Once I finally dragged my butt out of bed this am it took me a really long time to get motivated to get dressed and come to work. Since I'm heading out of town today right at 4 I had to be 100% ready last night. I got to work about 7am and sadly walked past the cafeteria (no coffee for me) and waited for the elevator. It seemed to take a really long time for it to arrive this am...maybe that was a message from the Universe? I don't know if all elevators do this but ours makes this creepy creaking sound every once in awhile. It seems to do it when you are all alone in there too which adds to the creepy factor. Once I was traveling up up and away the elevator just stopped....stuck between floors. I of course was the only one in there and I stood in the dead quiet stillness of the elevator and thought about life, the play that I had just seen my career (job) and everything in general. It's amazing how fast thoughts can flood through your brain in a matter of minutes. Then the fog sort of lifted. I thought - isn't this interesting....I'm stuck here and yet I know in 5 minutes things will be moving again, things will be fine, I wasn't worried, I didn't feel panic or nervous or even unsure of things...I just trusted and knew that things would be fine again soon.
Why can't we apply that stuck elevator thought/feeling to everyday? I don't think I was stuck more than a minute but it really helped me put my random thoughts in perspective. I have to trust that things are going to be OK. That my job is going to be fine, that my life is good and that I have all I need...if not right now....in 5 minutes.
I was really dragging this morning but on a brighter note, I think I slept really well...once I crawled into bed at about midnight. I did however wake at 5:45am all bright eyed and....well maybe not bright eyed at all. Probably picked a poor week to stop the caffeine. A nice cold glass of water just isn't cutting it.
I celebrated my friends birthday last night with dinner, a fun show (Hedwig and the Angry Inch) and then ended the night with 3 people I realize I've know for a good 20 years. It's shocking when you realize how long you've actually know someone...I mean really known them. It's funny at one point Troy mentioned that he had lived individually with each one of us at the table at one point or another in his life....well except Shelle...she may be next on the list. :) It was sort of amazing to me that I've known anyone outside of my family for that long of a time. I thought we've seen each other at our best and our worst and yet here we sat, a Wednesday night on Lake and Lyndale sharing a moment in time. Kinda powerful to think about in the whole scope of things. I know married people who are together shorter periods of time than my friendship with these people has lasted. It was a nice way to drift off into la la land last night.
Once I finally dragged my butt out of bed this am it took me a really long time to get motivated to get dressed and come to work. Since I'm heading out of town today right at 4 I had to be 100% ready last night. I got to work about 7am and sadly walked past the cafeteria (no coffee for me) and waited for the elevator. It seemed to take a really long time for it to arrive this am...maybe that was a message from the Universe? I don't know if all elevators do this but ours makes this creepy creaking sound every once in awhile. It seems to do it when you are all alone in there too which adds to the creepy factor. Once I was traveling up up and away the elevator just stopped....stuck between floors. I of course was the only one in there and I stood in the dead quiet stillness of the elevator and thought about life, the play that I had just seen my career (job) and everything in general. It's amazing how fast thoughts can flood through your brain in a matter of minutes. Then the fog sort of lifted. I thought - isn't this interesting....I'm stuck here and yet I know in 5 minutes things will be moving again, things will be fine, I wasn't worried, I didn't feel panic or nervous or even unsure of things...I just trusted and knew that things would be fine again soon.
Why can't we apply that stuck elevator thought/feeling to everyday? I don't think I was stuck more than a minute but it really helped me put my random thoughts in perspective. I have to trust that things are going to be OK. That my job is going to be fine, that my life is good and that I have all I need...if not right now....in 5 minutes.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Multitasking
I've always prided myself on the fact that I am a pretty good multitasker. Most of the last 10 years of my life I've felt most productive and functional when I multitask. I've never been able to understand those people that don't or can't do that....until now. In reading the book "This Is Not The Life I Ordered" I've come to the chapter called "Discard the List".
It basically states that multitasking is a trait most people admire but in reality it's killing us....literally. I like the idea of making a list...of having tangible thing to tell me what to do next. This book is suggesting we rid our lists of the things that don't matter or add value. We should restructure our lives and take more time to do things that bring us joy and to carve out time for events that create meaning. Wow...that's pretty serious. Isn't that what our intentions are when we start making these lists in the first place? I mean for me personally, I make a list so I can check off things as they get done and I feel that is my way of marking off my value added list.
They are suggesting to look at your list and cross off just two items that don't really have to be done....well if they don't really have to be done would I have added them to my list? I'm confused. Hmmm, this is going to require some more in depth thinking from me.
Thinking is not something I do well. I do spur of the moment thinking pretty well but the long term lets make a plan and stick to it kind of thinking is not something I tend to be good at. I would need to make a list....doesn't that defeat the purpose of what I'm trying to change about myself. Oh dear, this is going to take some thinking time from me to figure out.
Happy birthday Troy! Aren't birthdays great! I mean in the whole scheme of things having another birthday means the chance to start a new year. So many possibilities lay right out in front of you. The path is yours to choose....eat cake and celebrate!
It basically states that multitasking is a trait most people admire but in reality it's killing us....literally. I like the idea of making a list...of having tangible thing to tell me what to do next. This book is suggesting we rid our lists of the things that don't matter or add value. We should restructure our lives and take more time to do things that bring us joy and to carve out time for events that create meaning. Wow...that's pretty serious. Isn't that what our intentions are when we start making these lists in the first place? I mean for me personally, I make a list so I can check off things as they get done and I feel that is my way of marking off my value added list.
They are suggesting to look at your list and cross off just two items that don't really have to be done....well if they don't really have to be done would I have added them to my list? I'm confused. Hmmm, this is going to require some more in depth thinking from me.
Thinking is not something I do well. I do spur of the moment thinking pretty well but the long term lets make a plan and stick to it kind of thinking is not something I tend to be good at. I would need to make a list....doesn't that defeat the purpose of what I'm trying to change about myself. Oh dear, this is going to take some thinking time from me to figure out.
Happy birthday Troy! Aren't birthdays great! I mean in the whole scheme of things having another birthday means the chance to start a new year. So many possibilities lay right out in front of you. The path is yours to choose....eat cake and celebrate!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Embracing the ugly
Sometimes we take a turn for the worse....we get angry, we sound off, we do something that is out of character for us...I call it an ugly moment. Now I bet your all expecting me to tell you about my latest ugly moment but actually it wasn't me at all ....it's what I've noticed about those who are having an ugly moment.
Embrace those moments people...let them happen...it's really a necessary part of life. You know that old adage only talk to people like you want to be talked to....screw it...I say every once so often let the ugly out.
Yesterday was a day I witnessed a few moments of ugly in others. I doubt they had it planned but I was an unexpected witness to their moments. At lunch I was waiting for an elevator when this woman went off like crazy to the person on the other end of the phone. Now I was only hearing her side of the conversation obviously but I still stared at her with my mouth wide open I'm sure. Something seriously set this woman off and she was screeching something about a red shoe, a dinner plate and car keys. I could not make sense of the conversation and I very well couldn't stand there and stare at her any longer for fear she would turn on me. I hope they hugged it out.
As I drove home there was the usual idiot on the road thinking they have every right to squeeze in at the very last second when for the last 20 miles the signs said "merge - lane ends" but what the heck...they have every right to just cut me off and make me slam on my breaks. Then there is the insecure co-worker that has to always put you down to make himself feel better. Ahh, a good day all around. I therefore dubbed it Martini Monday. Nice right.
I went to dinner with a friend and we did enjoy a martini - on the way back home about 10:00pm I was verbally assualted in my apt. lobby by an upset resident over a situation that had happened over the weekend. Ahh, what a nice way to end an ugly kind of a day. We didn't hug it out.
I think in the end we all need to embrace our ugly moments and get them out of the way. The true test of a person's character is how they react in unpleasant situations, I think, because of my age and the fact that I had a martini, I handled the ugly moment very well. It's always the aftermath I am leary about.
Embrace those moments people...let them happen...it's really a necessary part of life. You know that old adage only talk to people like you want to be talked to....screw it...I say every once so often let the ugly out.
Yesterday was a day I witnessed a few moments of ugly in others. I doubt they had it planned but I was an unexpected witness to their moments. At lunch I was waiting for an elevator when this woman went off like crazy to the person on the other end of the phone. Now I was only hearing her side of the conversation obviously but I still stared at her with my mouth wide open I'm sure. Something seriously set this woman off and she was screeching something about a red shoe, a dinner plate and car keys. I could not make sense of the conversation and I very well couldn't stand there and stare at her any longer for fear she would turn on me. I hope they hugged it out.
As I drove home there was the usual idiot on the road thinking they have every right to squeeze in at the very last second when for the last 20 miles the signs said "merge - lane ends" but what the heck...they have every right to just cut me off and make me slam on my breaks. Then there is the insecure co-worker that has to always put you down to make himself feel better. Ahh, a good day all around. I therefore dubbed it Martini Monday. Nice right.
I went to dinner with a friend and we did enjoy a martini - on the way back home about 10:00pm I was verbally assualted in my apt. lobby by an upset resident over a situation that had happened over the weekend. Ahh, what a nice way to end an ugly kind of a day. We didn't hug it out.
I think in the end we all need to embrace our ugly moments and get them out of the way. The true test of a person's character is how they react in unpleasant situations, I think, because of my age and the fact that I had a martini, I handled the ugly moment very well. It's always the aftermath I am leary about.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Can we have it all?
Yesterday I woke up like any other day and as I laid there contemplating the day I thought about my life...I mean who doesn't. I thought you know I have a pretty darn good life...I have my health, great friends, a decent place to lay my head and yet there is something missing...something I can't quite figure out....I thought previously it was my purpose...my meaning but I think still it's bigger than that. Since I couldn't lay there anymore with those thoughts spinning around in my head I got up and thought I'll do something productive before I have to open the building at 7:30am. It was about 10 after 6am - ugh...I'd love to be able to sleep in again. Anyway, I popped in the new CD my friend Troy made me (Jay Brannan - goddamned - that's the cd's name...not a comment from me) and listened to the mellow soothing tunes that filled my apartment. He's amazing (Jay not Troy although I guess I could include Troy in there as well)....you should so check him out....anyway I started thinking about how words are so powerful and how simple a fact that really is. You can change the world with words. I wish I had that gift but I'm a babbler so in one way I guess that works. Anyway this thought about words and their power was dancing about in my head when I went to work.
I work part-time in my apt. rental office a few times a month and have really enjoyed the $$ off my rent as well as some of the residents I've gotten to know better. Jim is 86, a war vet, a former lawyer and recently loss his partner (a woman) of over 30 years. He is very active and knowledgeable and loves to come sit and chat with me and share stories. He's twice divorced and after having spent the last 30 years of his life with the love of his life(or his soul mate as he refers to her) he finds himself like some of us with some extra time on his hands. I get that he's lonely and that he may not quite know how to live life without that other presence around him anymore but he sure has lived. He saw the world via the war and is very politically active today. He was telling me about the time they were told to clean up their barracks and they had a visit from Eleanor Roosevelt. You could see from the expression on his face how impressed he was about that visit even still today. That impression 40 some odd years ago was still fresh in his mind. He of course followed up with the fact that she wasn't what you would call a pretty woman but he was clearly impressed she had come to see them.
He then told a story about being on the front lines and how he told the preist that was with him he hoped he could pull the trigger when the time came and the preist said to him....it's out of your hands now and Jim replied...no it's not...I still have to be the one to pull the trigger. Such wise insights even now isn't it. We think our lives or our destiny is out of our control but really...as long as we are still breathing and thinking...isn't it reaally up to us to pull the trigger?
Lately I've really been into music...not the blaring dance club kind of music, although I do enjoy shaking my bootie, but the stuff with a gentle tone and messages behind the words.....it makes me think alot of people out in the world are searching for the elusive missing link...at least that's what the music is telling me.....it seems alot of the music I'm into lately is about questioning one's own life...these lyrics from Jay Brannan really summed it up for me....
"do you want a lover, or do you want a life? one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife? do you choose winter, spring, summer or fall? it's driving me crazy that i can't have it all."
Why can't we have it all? Why do we have to choose...I want it all.
I work part-time in my apt. rental office a few times a month and have really enjoyed the $$ off my rent as well as some of the residents I've gotten to know better. Jim is 86, a war vet, a former lawyer and recently loss his partner (a woman) of over 30 years. He is very active and knowledgeable and loves to come sit and chat with me and share stories. He's twice divorced and after having spent the last 30 years of his life with the love of his life(or his soul mate as he refers to her) he finds himself like some of us with some extra time on his hands. I get that he's lonely and that he may not quite know how to live life without that other presence around him anymore but he sure has lived. He saw the world via the war and is very politically active today. He was telling me about the time they were told to clean up their barracks and they had a visit from Eleanor Roosevelt. You could see from the expression on his face how impressed he was about that visit even still today. That impression 40 some odd years ago was still fresh in his mind. He of course followed up with the fact that she wasn't what you would call a pretty woman but he was clearly impressed she had come to see them.
He then told a story about being on the front lines and how he told the preist that was with him he hoped he could pull the trigger when the time came and the preist said to him....it's out of your hands now and Jim replied...no it's not...I still have to be the one to pull the trigger. Such wise insights even now isn't it. We think our lives or our destiny is out of our control but really...as long as we are still breathing and thinking...isn't it reaally up to us to pull the trigger?
Lately I've really been into music...not the blaring dance club kind of music, although I do enjoy shaking my bootie, but the stuff with a gentle tone and messages behind the words.....it makes me think alot of people out in the world are searching for the elusive missing link...at least that's what the music is telling me.....it seems alot of the music I'm into lately is about questioning one's own life...these lyrics from Jay Brannan really summed it up for me....
"do you want a lover, or do you want a life? one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife? do you choose winter, spring, summer or fall? it's driving me crazy that i can't have it all."
Why can't we have it all? Why do we have to choose...I want it all.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Moderately Sedated
You know that feeling you get after you've had a drink or two...that sort of peaceful, easy feeling that a good drink provides? Your shoulders relax, all the drama of real life seems really manageable and most importantly you seem to get a little bolder....that's the feeling I'd like to have allllll the time. I love that feeling - that moment that your brain sort of shuts down and stops putting up all the walls up f you shouldn't and you can't's. That blissful moment just before you hit stupid drunk. Ahh....wish someone could invent THAT....I'd sure as heck buy stock in it!
I realize the older I get the more invisible I seem to become. I used to think I was present, noticeable.....a vivid living representation of my inner voice but suddenly I seem to be slipping into oblivion....when I'm walking in public I seem to be completely and totall invisible....even in my (as Troy said) almost neon mustard yellow shirt. Why is that? Does a person reach a certain age and people suddenlythey stop seeing other people as real? I was walking through Eden Prairie mall yesterday in my almost neon mustard yellow shirt and was clutching my favorite pink satchel and I must have gotten walked into like 5 times. I kept thinking...did I take my invisible pill today? Seems to happen a lot to me - at the farmers markets on Thursdays on Nicollet Mall. I realize at that point it's that people are so focused on finding a deal on sweet corn and the best deal on garlic bulbs but come on. Is it possible that society in general has gotten so completely self involved they can't see past their own reflection? I'd like to think I'm invisible....really I would.
I joked with a friend that we were going to start a club called Moderately Sedated...I'm pretty sure there would be little or no rules but probably some very inclusive membership qualifications and I of course would be the President. :)
Saw the worst movie ever yesterday...the newest Mummy movie...while I didn't expect it to be a Oscar worthy contender, I did expect it to be entertaining....jesh. I'll admit, I did enjoy the first say 20 minutes as they were building the story...but the second they introduced the old characters I sort of lost interest. First off the son was older than the dad and pretty much there was every special effect in the book in this movie....it got old fast. Anyway....fine few hours to spend not thinking I suppose.
I realize the older I get the more invisible I seem to become. I used to think I was present, noticeable.....a vivid living representation of my inner voice but suddenly I seem to be slipping into oblivion....when I'm walking in public I seem to be completely and totall invisible....even in my (as Troy said) almost neon mustard yellow shirt. Why is that? Does a person reach a certain age and people suddenlythey stop seeing other people as real? I was walking through Eden Prairie mall yesterday in my almost neon mustard yellow shirt and was clutching my favorite pink satchel and I must have gotten walked into like 5 times. I kept thinking...did I take my invisible pill today? Seems to happen a lot to me - at the farmers markets on Thursdays on Nicollet Mall. I realize at that point it's that people are so focused on finding a deal on sweet corn and the best deal on garlic bulbs but come on. Is it possible that society in general has gotten so completely self involved they can't see past their own reflection? I'd like to think I'm invisible....really I would.
I joked with a friend that we were going to start a club called Moderately Sedated...I'm pretty sure there would be little or no rules but probably some very inclusive membership qualifications and I of course would be the President. :)
Saw the worst movie ever yesterday...the newest Mummy movie...while I didn't expect it to be a Oscar worthy contender, I did expect it to be entertaining....jesh. I'll admit, I did enjoy the first say 20 minutes as they were building the story...but the second they introduced the old characters I sort of lost interest. First off the son was older than the dad and pretty much there was every special effect in the book in this movie....it got old fast. Anyway....fine few hours to spend not thinking I suppose.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Getting old is going to suck
I realize we are all getting older, I'm older than I was two seconds ago when I started writing this but man...it's going to suck. I spent some time with my mom yesterday and for the first time I realized...she is old. I mean she is really moving slower than ever, partially because of some physical ailments but partially man...she is old. I mean shesh...after all that's her body has been through this year alone I can't beleive she is even willing to go out of her house. I took her to Trader Joe's for the first time. It was kind of fun to watch her shopping because even at her age she was all about reading labels. It's no surprise to anyone who knows me or my family we have a weight issue...I've been in Weight Watchers since I was 15 years old...or some other type of program to lose weight....pretty much most of my family has the same issues. My mom as soon as she was physically ready after her near death experience got right back into her routine about her eating and going back to Weight Watchers. Now possibly she is just going through the motions but she counts her points. She pulled out her little chart that tells her how many points were in almost every item she bought. It made me smile to see a woman who was knocking on deaths door calculating how many points are in a box of organic shredded wheat.
I also live in a building with alot of elder residents. Thursday we held an ice cream social. I realize I really enjoy doing these kinds of public events....I love it. I was in charge of whipped cream...I also enjoyed that. It was fun to get to spend some time not only getting to know the residents a bit more but to get to spend some time with my new co-workers whom I usually have 5/10 or 30 minutes with as we pass shift times. I would hang with some of them personally but some others....never. As I served ice cream to people I realized sometimes it really is just the little things that make people happy. Many of the residents were so thrilled and happy to have some event or fun thing to come do on a random Thursday evening. Hell I was excited to have something to do on a Thursday night. When ever I do go out and have fun it takes me a few days to recover - it might help if I could get my mind to stop obsessing about the things I have no control over....that would help me sleep more at night....oh well...getting old is going to suck but hopefully it will be a slow ride.
Here's one more random thought to add to the list....I love quotes - positive thought provoking quotes. They inspire me and sometimes make me feel like I am not all alone in the world...that someone has reached into that dark scary mind of mine and plucked the very thoughts/words I was trying to say and put them out there for the world to see/read/hear. I have a new book that made me stay up way to late last night called This is Not The Life I Ordered (thanks Becky) and it's quite thought provoking. No huge new insights but lots of great quotes. I think I need to read more....more than just my school stuff anyway. Maybe I'll add that to my list of things to do with the last few months of this year.
I also live in a building with alot of elder residents. Thursday we held an ice cream social. I realize I really enjoy doing these kinds of public events....I love it. I was in charge of whipped cream...I also enjoyed that. It was fun to get to spend some time not only getting to know the residents a bit more but to get to spend some time with my new co-workers whom I usually have 5/10 or 30 minutes with as we pass shift times. I would hang with some of them personally but some others....never. As I served ice cream to people I realized sometimes it really is just the little things that make people happy. Many of the residents were so thrilled and happy to have some event or fun thing to come do on a random Thursday evening. Hell I was excited to have something to do on a Thursday night. When ever I do go out and have fun it takes me a few days to recover - it might help if I could get my mind to stop obsessing about the things I have no control over....that would help me sleep more at night....oh well...getting old is going to suck but hopefully it will be a slow ride.
Here's one more random thought to add to the list....I love quotes - positive thought provoking quotes. They inspire me and sometimes make me feel like I am not all alone in the world...that someone has reached into that dark scary mind of mine and plucked the very thoughts/words I was trying to say and put them out there for the world to see/read/hear. I have a new book that made me stay up way to late last night called This is Not The Life I Ordered (thanks Becky) and it's quite thought provoking. No huge new insights but lots of great quotes. I think I need to read more....more than just my school stuff anyway. Maybe I'll add that to my list of things to do with the last few months of this year.
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