Boring is ok

I guess I don't mind being boring as much as I hate being predictable! I had an enjoyable day. Had a late breakfast with a friend, ran errands and then came back home and ended up being really productive.

Wrapped presents, cleaned closets, did laundry, made my Christmas cards and managed to avoid doing homework ALL day. Now I am getting ready to go head out to a friends to hang for the night. Boring is OK I guess.

I was seeing lots of frazzled people today and it made me thankful for my non frazzled life. I enjoy that I have control of my time. I can't imagine having to care for someone else all day long and then trying to squeeze time if for myself at the end of the day. It exhausts me to even think about that. I give those people credit though...regardless if they chose that life or not.

I wonder who I'd be if I choose a different path. I'm where I'm at in my life because I chose this path...what if I did one thing different, what if I took a different job and end up working all the time would I be in school? If I wasn't in school I wouldn't have met the great people I met and learned the things I learned nor made the good friends I have at my current job. Isn't it funny how doing one little thing can have such a snowball effect on one's whole life. What if?

What if my parents loved each other and raised their kids thinking they could do whatever they wanted? What if we grew up feeling confident and secure in who we are....would we still be who we are today?

Who will we choose to be next year? Do we get to choose?

Consumption

Ahh...turkey day and black Friday...all about consumption. We consume then turn into comsumers and spend. Who says it's a depressed economy! I've heard lots of people today talking about how stuffed they still are from yesterday's meal and then talking about all the left overs. I think we are doing fine.

I like the fact that we are almost into December....so close to the end of this year and so close to starting a new year. Hopefully the new president will fix this mess of the economy we are in and the war...let's not forget the war.

I've rather enjoyed my last few days off of work and spending some time with just my own thoughts. It was nice to have the time to think....I forget how exhausting that is though. I slept in two days in a row and am planning on doing the same again tomorrow. I have been exhausted by 9/10pm the past few nights and was actually in bed by about 10 last night. I woke up at 7 and laid in bed until about 8:30....it was glorious. Plus I didn't even get dressed until about 3:30 today and only because I had to work at 4. Glorious. I forget the joy of not getting dressed.

I did have a very productive day however, cleaned, tossed a bunch of crap and organized my Christmas stuff...I beleive I am done shopping now. I have decided to not buy all the extra crap I do every year and just enjoy the holidays. I have the essentials done, wrapped and ready to go and so I feel ready.

Not much to say today, just thankful for my health, my friends, family and my jobs. Keep on keeping on Universe.

What's a name?

It's funny, I have always had the worst memory when it comes to names. I'm lucky I can remember my own on a good day and I am always amazed at people who not only know my name but remember it and I don't even remember meeting them! Maybe it's a sign of old age? Maybe it's just who I am? Ugh...names really escape me on most days.

I remember when I was president of my admin group I thought this will really help me hone my memory skills.....it didn't. It was easy for people to remember my name because they really only had to remember one name....me as the speaker had to try to remember lots of names and that was hard. Now that I work at the ET and the residents are pretty good at knowing my name but yeowers.....I can't remember their names much less their apt. numbers. Every time they come in with a slip that was left in their mail box saying they have a package I always have to say.....what apartment are you? I'm trying. Eric and Sarah are rock stars at this....they can remember names, apt. numbers and all sorts of stuff...I'm kind of jealous of that kind of a skill. I'm trying really hard to do that. I remember being so impressed early on that they knew my name....they always greeted me by name...that skill escapes me.

At work there is a security guard who always says good morning to me by name....every day. I don't remember ever telling him my name or really having any interaction with him but over the last few months I've realized he knows my name. Yesterday it dawned on me (no pun intended) that I have no clue what his name is so I asked the regular receptionist at the desk (I do know her name) what his name was and I was determined to say good morning back to him today using his name. I thought about it my whole drive in and I was preparing for it and then when I got to the lobby it was empty...he was no where to be found. Ahh....I was ready, I was prepared, I was going to be that person that said other peoples names out loud and make them feel valued.....dang it. Now of course I've forgotten his name and I'll have to ask again. What is in a name?

I realized I like it when people know my name. When I go to a favorite restaurant and the waiter or hostess knows me...I like that. When I go to get my hair done they remember I like a certain type of shampoo and when I go to get my nails done they know I like color, never leave them plain. I like feeling like I matter to people outside myself.....isn't that what this whole life journey is about. Last night I needed coffee...I was working on homework and just couldn't focus so I made a dash over to the Caribou and the boy behind the counter greeted me with a "hey there northern lights, decaf, sugar free vanilla" - haven't seen you in awhile. Without even asking he just made my drink, no questions asked. Oddly it gave me great joy that the barista knew enough about me to make me really happy for a moment.

Life's little joys are what keep us going.

One month from today is Christmas.....how much joy can you give in one month?

Surprises!

I love surprises.....I love unexpected moments.....I love mystery.....I love it.

Today, I was formulating my thoughts about what I wanted to babble about today and suddenly this appeared in my inbox but the sender was blocked. I have no idea who sent it but I love it and I thought this is my blog today! Enjoy!


Be loyal to your friends.

Be strong enough to face the world each day.

Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone.

Be generous to those who need your help.

Be frugal with that you need yourself.

Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.

Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.

Be willing to share your joys.

Be willing to share the sorrows of others.

Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.

Be a follower when you are shrouded by the mists of uncertainty.

Be first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.

Be last to criticize a colleague who fails.

Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not tumble.

Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way.

Be loving to those who love you..

Be loving to those who do not love you; they may change.

Above all,

Be yourself.

Hearing what we want to hear

Sometimes we only hear what we want to hear. I talk to people all day and I have to be honest I'm sure I have some kind of ME filter on most times...how does this pertain to ME? I can give most people the surface level connection but I just don't let it go deeper than that. In my jobs I have lots of people contact all day and it can be draining.....I give people credit who choose to do that type of a job all day long, on purpose and remain sane.

Working at the ET is really causing me to practice and hone my listening skills. It's always been my weak point but I'm feeling like the Universe put the ET in my path to make me use and better my listening and hearing skills. Listening and hearing are similar but different. Residents stop in the office all the time and share little blurbs of info with me and me with them but most days I have to say I don't really let it sink in very much. Over the last few days I've had a few residents stop in and share large parts of their life history with me and it amazes me....it blows my mind to know things about these people on a deeper level. I have to say it kinda makes me see them....like really see them. I guess I didn't realize I wasn't doing that.

Who doesn't want to only hear what they want? It's funny when we stop being so self focused how much our world opens up. Wild.

We wear our past like a badge on our sleeve. Some people hide them, some proudly display them for all to see. At some point we become these open books that need to share our life pages. All people need is someone to listen, to hear them.....it's amazing what you hear when you listen.

Does listening to other peoples life stories change your own life story?

Snow covered thoughts

I love my apartment. I love the floor to ceiling windows that overlook the world. Even though I'm only on the 4th floor I love the view when I sit at my table facing the world, especially when it's snowed. The world outside seems calm, beautiful and the rising smoke from the buildings gives me an odd sense of peace. I especially love it when it's snowing those big fluffy white flakes...I feel like I live in a snow globe.

Wouldn't that be kinda cool to live in a snow globe? Wait would it? Wouldn't you be at the mercy of whomever got to shake up your world when they felt like it? Hmm, wait I take that back. I like my world the way it is....even though I'm not really in control at least I don't have to worry about an unexpected shake up....wait.....

I feel like this week has had a lot of life lessons for me. Things I've really known but have sort of ignored....maybe it just was a good week of learning. I've decided to embrace my own life and I've decided that Christmas will come to my home this year! Having made those two decisions seems to have shifted something inside of me and is allowing me to......dare I say it....be happy again. :) I guess if we just accept what IS and stop trying to fight it things snap into place.

I have few regrets in my life....but some days I regret now having my own kids. I know I am super lucky to have a LOT of kids in my life, but not all the time. Which isn't all that bad but I got to have my 6 year old nephew overnight on Thursday and all day Friday and I forget how much work they are but how rewarding they are as well. I love that out of the blue he'll do something that makes my heart melt and then 5 minutes later he's a demon child. I imagine that if I did have a child full time I'd give up and let my hair go completely grey because I am guessing that in about 2 weeks I'd be fighting a losing battle. :)

Kids are really little buckets of joy to have around...probably more so because I don't have them all the time. I love that he loves to just sit at the bookstore and read books with no other agenda in mind...just sitting there reading book after book until he decides he is done. Just fun, free joy. I know in probably another year he won't want to spend this time with me so I'm grabbing it while I can. I love that when we are shopping he tells me he NEEDS something obsure like a floam snowman making kit. But Auntie, I need it. Gives me joy. One of my favorite things is I told him we look with our eyes not our hands and I made this funny sound and said you have make that sound when you look at something and like a litte mocking bird he does it. HA! Plus it's fun to have someone to go do the simple things with like grocery shop, go to Target with an even have lunch with. I introduced him to the concept of "brunch" because I kinda forgot to feed him breakfast....oops. I guess if you had one all the time that would become part of the care and feeding of those little creatures. :)

I also have a greater appreciation for the people in my life this week. People who the Universe has decided for some reason or the other to put in my life path. I have some new friends I am really enjoying getting to know more about and it's refreshing to hang out with people who have no expectations about who I am and just accept me as is.....the little joys in life. Plus it's so enjoyable when someone does something for you just because...like bring you a hot coffee at 7:30am when you have to work on a Saturday! :)

See...when you stop fighting what the Universe brings to you.

Constantly Amazed

I don't know why after this much time I am amazed by what the Universe gives me. I am a firm believer in you get what you give but sometimes I admit, I waver on that belief. I have been feeling lost, unfocused, alone, scattered and a bunch of other things lately but after yesterday and this morning, I am switching gears. I hear you Universe!

I am lucky. I know this. I have lots of people in my life that love me and care for me and I know this but sometimes it just isn't enough. A person, well I guess I mean ME, come to expect certain things from other people and when it doesn't happen like I want it to or think it should, it leaves a hole that I can't seem to fill. That is my own doing, my own choice, I chose to let this person fill some void that they can't possibly be expected to fill. It's not fair and it's most certainly not their role so why do I keep doing that? I guess it's a habit now. I always think if I did this I'd be really happy or if I just get this I'll be really content or if this person would just talk to me my life would be perfect...but you know that's not really how it works. I know that, I'm not stupid but I get so caught up in all the things I don't have or the places I don't get to see or the people I don't get to be with that I forget about all the things I do have. Right here in front of me staring me right in the face.

I'm lucky. I know this but I really forgot this. The Universe sometimes has to kick you really hard and repeatedly to get you to see things. Sometimes you realize these things by the kind deeds someone does just out of the blue. Like buying you a box of fudge bars because you accidentally left yours on TOP of the freezer instead of IN the freezer. Or someone sends you a text message with a nice word or thought. Or someone tells you they are glad you are here. Little things. I went to bed very early last night because I wasn't feeling well and I slept like a log until about 5:30am. I don't think I woke up once which is unusual for me. I think sometimes that helps your mind get in a better place too. So I woke up well rested and with surprisingly good bed hair! I had hope for this day even before it officially began!

Once I got dressed and to work I had two different people (before 7 am!) tell me how nice I looked today. One commented on my new shirt (um $3.96!! I love a clearance sale!) and another said to me "You always look so nice. You really accessorize well too". My instant reaction was "What? You can't be talking to me!?" Then I thought about it....I try hard to look decent. I didn't used to care about it but over the years I've tried to dress appropriately or nice or at least matching - cause anyone who knows me knows that didn't use to be my strong suit. So I thought, you know what...I am going to take that. I AM going to own that. I do try hard to look nice and to make sure I match and to be sort of trendy.....God knows I've made my mistakes but overall, I try. So yes, I am going to take that. Thank you.

I've had friends and family tell me I look nice before but I always think they HAVE to say that. Not really HAVE to but you know, it just feels different coming from someone who doesn't already love you....is that weird? Why do we value some outside person's view on our appearance more than our trusted loved ones? Is it just me or is that weird?

Then I get into my email and my note from the Universe today reads:

I wish there were words to tell you how beautiful life really is, how
safe you always are, and of the love that constantly bathes you.
How powerful you are, how much you can have, and of the glories that await. Of the perfection, the magic, and the infinite possibilities.
But you actually threatened me with bodily harm if I were to ever let you peek at where you were headed before you arrived.

You gangsta',
The
Universe

Wild. First off I love....love the fact that the Universe is calling me "gangsta". Made me feel uber cool and second - the Universe is so mysterious! Not only does it work in so many mysterious ways, it clearly has to kick you (me) in the ass a few times to get you (me) to hear it but today, I hear it. Loud and clear. Woo hoo!