I am lucky. I know this. I have lots of people in my life that love me and care for me and I know this but sometimes it just isn't enough. A person, well I guess I mean ME, come to expect certain things from other people and when it doesn't happen like I want it to or think it should, it leaves a hole that I can't seem to fill. That is my own doing, my own choice, I chose to let this person fill some void that they can't possibly be expected to fill. It's not fair and it's most certainly not their role so why do I keep doing that? I guess it's a habit now. I always think if I did this I'd be really happy or if I just get this I'll be really content or if this person would just talk to me my life would be perfect...but you know that's not really how it works. I know that, I'm not stupid but I get so caught up in all the things I don't have or the places I don't get to see or the people I don't get to be with that I forget about all the things I do have. Right here in front of me staring me right in the face.
I'm lucky. I know this but I really forgot this. The Universe sometimes has to kick you really hard and repeatedly to get you to see things. Sometimes you realize these things by the kind deeds someone does just out of the blue. Like buying you a box of fudge bars because you accidentally left yours on TOP of the freezer instead of IN the freezer. Or someone sends you a text message with a nice word or thought. Or someone tells you they are glad you are here. Little things. I went to bed very early last night because I wasn't feeling well and I slept like a log until about 5:30am. I don't think I woke up once which is unusual for me. I think sometimes that helps your mind get in a better place too. So I woke up well rested and with surprisingly good bed hair! I had hope for this day even before it officially began!
Once I got dressed and to work I had two different people (before 7 am!) tell me how nice I looked today. One commented on my new shirt (um $3.96!! I love a clearance sale!) and another said to me "You always look so nice. You really accessorize well too". My instant reaction was "What? You can't be talking to me!?" Then I thought about it....I try hard to look decent. I didn't used to care about it but over the years I've tried to dress appropriately or nice or at least matching - cause anyone who knows me knows that didn't use to be my strong suit. So I thought, you know what...I am going to take that. I AM going to own that. I do try hard to look nice and to make sure I match and to be sort of trendy.....God knows I've made my mistakes but overall, I try. So yes, I am going to take that. Thank you.
I've had friends and family tell me I look nice before but I always think they HAVE to say that. Not really HAVE to but you know, it just feels different coming from someone who doesn't already love you....is that weird? Why do we value some outside person's view on our appearance more than our trusted loved ones? Is it just me or is that weird?
Then I get into my email and my note from the Universe today reads:
Wild. First off I love....love the fact that the Universe is calling me "gangsta". Made me feel uber cool and second - the Universe is so mysterious! Not only does it work in so many mysterious ways, it clearly has to kick you (me) in the ass a few times to get you (me) to hear it but today, I hear it. Loud and clear. Woo hoo!I wish there were words to tell you how beautiful life really is, how
safe you always are, and of the love that constantly bathes you.
How powerful you are, how much you can have, and of the glories that await. Of the perfection, the magic, and the infinite possibilities.
But you actually threatened me with bodily harm if I were to ever let you peek at where you were headed before you arrived.
You gangsta',
The
Universe
1 comment:
Member that song...Beautiful Dawn..that was written about you. You have a secret lover in england who makes up gorgeous songs for you
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