Un-do-over-able?

Are there just some things you can't "do-over"?

I think about some of the things I've done over this last year and I want to do some of them over because I know I can do better, I can get better results, I can give more, I can not say something out loud...."do-over" but it made me think....are there some things we can't?

Things like your first kiss - you can't do that over. You can't change that moment, that feeling, that butterflies flying wild and free inside your gut. You can kiss new people for the first time but it's not really the same as your VERY first kiss. How about the first time you fell in love, I mean truly and seriously IN LOVE? Oddly enough my first kiss and my first love were the same person....Andrew something. I really loved him.

I remember the moment I fell completely head over heels for him. I was 14 or 15 an we lived in these town houses in Country Club Hills, Illinois. It was summer and the big thing we did was play hide and seek and I remember him grabbing my arm and pulling me with him. We hid together and he whispered to me that he thought I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen and we kissed. I almost died. It didn't occur to me that this moment would later become something you hold all your other first kisses up too. That moment was so perfect and etched in my brain as magical despite the fact that it took place in a industrial sized garbage dumpster. There was lots of new construction going on in my neighborhood and for some reason we thought climbing into this dumpster full of wood, nails and God knows what else was a brilliant place to hide.

I wouldn't re-do those events. Even all these years later it makes me smile. But there are many other things I would like to re-do but when I think about them is it even possible? I mean haven't I become the person I am today because of events that have happened or haven't happened? If I do them over will that change me? Will it change where I am? Is that what I really want?

There are somethings I'd like to DO. Things I have always wanted to do....thus my "list" but do I really want do overs? Maybe on somethings and I guess I get to choose what I want to do over. I know there are things I could do better on like a test or a paper or an article I've written, maybe a dinner I've botched.

There is a fine line between reality and pretend.......the reality is you can't really do over the first time of anything. There is more than the event attached to it. Emotions, feelings, memories, the entire experience. Pretending the event never happend......I guess that can be done. Why not, we do that all the time. Isn't that what the words "I'm sorry" are for? Sort of like a Tide stick for your life.