It feels like the closer I am getting to the end of school the more frazzled and bogged down I feel. I don't know why. Lately I've been sleeping pretty poorly so I tried to stop drinking coffee, that lasted 3 days....I almost died I swear. So now I won't have coffee after noon. That has been working OK but I am still having terrible sleep issues. I can fall asleep immediately but I don't sleep long and when I wake up at 2 or 3am I wake up completely wide awake like I just slept for 10 hours. It's the weirdest thing.
I thought it was because I hate being alone so much but even when I'm not alone, it's the same thing. The problem is getting to be that I am so flipping tired during the day that I can barely contribute at any level and I've noticed I am getting what I call my "dad" attitude. I can hardly be civil to the those that annoy me.....and I want to be a better person than that. I don't want to be like that to people....even if they are dumb and annoy me.
I think it's hard to give energy to something that you don't really feel connected to or that adds value....that's how I feel right now about school. I don't see the value it's adding other than the fact that in 18 days I will be a college graduate!!!
I probably should think about taking some time off to decompress once school is done, but I am not planning any real stretch of time off until the 4th of July week. I'd like to get on a plane and lay on a beach or by a pool for 5 days and not talk to another person.....is that wrong? Could I actually do that? Could I be gone away from civilization and conversation? Probably not but it's a nice thought.
Because I am not sleeping I feel ultra crabby right now too and the littlest things are irritating the bejesus out of me. Things that normally I shake off or ignore but because I am a little sleep deprived they irritate me to a new level. These are things I have no control over like the whinny tone of this woman's voice, the fact that people nervously click their pens or that people in the cafeteria think they are the only ones that want to get a cup of coffee at 7am so they stand there mixing and stirring and sipping and just being complete self absorbed idiots. Crabby...yes I am a bit crabby today.
However, on a brighter note, I realized yesterday that in a work situation, really all a person has is their reputation. What others think of you can change or direct what others, even complete strangers, think of you. Yesterday we had a few outside vendors in and I put on my corporate me face and did my job, I greeted them, brought them to the room, helped them set up a projector, brought them water, made sure they had everything they needed to make a fantastic presentation. As I left the room I overheard a comment about how organized I was. A few of the other people in the room agreed and sort of sang my praises to these complete strangers. It made me think.....had those other people in the room not felt that way about me it could have completely changed the new people's perception of me. It could have gone completely differently.
I then remembered a conversation I had with my new friend Scott, he made some comment about me and my friends and said I was the "ring leader". It kinda of made me happy to think I had any kind of power like that at all. The ring leader....I like it!
My note from the Universe today is this:
Let's see... It's impossible to fail. Everything works out in
your favor. The elements conspire on your behalf. There are always reasons to be happy. Millions of lives are touched by yours. Thousands of people think of you fondly. Hundreds call you their friend. You can have anything you dream of. Things just keep getting better. And you live forever. Wildly unbelievable for a Hollywood script, but this is your life. Stranger than fiction,
The Universe
Interesting....life sure is stranger than fiction. Whatever will tomorrow bring?
No comments:
Post a Comment