Swirling head, confused heart

I remember what it was like to be young and to be on my own for the first time. That sense of freedom, of the endless possibilities that lay before me. The first time I could do what I wanted, when I wanted and I didn't have to report to anyone! I remember finally being the captain of my own ship!! I thought I was something, I could finally do the things I wanted and not having to think about anyone else. I remember thinking "oh man, my parents SO wouldn't approve" but I did them anyway....consequences be dammed! :)

I did wild and crazy things like eating Taco Bell at 1am on a work night....or having people over and then waking up with them scattered all over my house the next day and climbing over them to get dressed and go to work, or get in my car and drive all night only to go swimming early the next morning in a freezing lake. Oh yeah, I was a wild one!!

I didn't break other people's things, or threaten people because I couldn't get my own way or throw trash out my window because I was too lazy to walk down a few flights of stairs to the garbage bin. Seriously....how do these people even exist? What did their parents do to them?

I support the NO RULES kind of a lifestyle, I applaud the I'M NOT CONFORMING TO THE MAN'S RULES thought and I absolutely approve of the I WANT TO CHALLENGE YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOUR WRONG mentality but not at the cost of other people's rights to live or enjoy their own space.

We had an incident with a very young resident last night that resulted in a sort of shouting match/almost altercation that really isn't over but I had to deal with. The problem is that not only am I a resident with a right to speak my mind, I am an employee so I have to walk a fine line. I can't be standing in our lobby having a shouting match with this young, immature, stupid boy, I have to be the bigger person as well as the adult and try to diffuse the situation.

It's not a place I find myself enjoying being. However, my other friend in the office is quite good at it. Maybe because she wants to be a lawyer when she grows up but she really can argue a point with a crazy person like no one I've ever seen! She really knows how to use her words...I really want to be her when I grow up!!

Long story short, I have to let it go but the thing that irks me...what gets under my skin is this young, immature, snotty nosed kid gets to walk around spewing whatever half truths he wants to about the situation, about me, about what really happened and I have to just let him. I can't share what's really happening, what really is going on because as an employee, I can't. I refuse to let him jeopardize my job because he's being an ass. I just hope the residents he's spewing his half truths too are smart enough to realize that. I can't do anything to change that but it does make me angry. I don't like it when other people get to talk about me and I can't defend it.

I remember being so young and thinking I could change the world but I wonder, was I really ever so irrational? I kept thinking to myself...what have his parents done to him? How did they raise a child so self-absorbed and why in God's name do they keep bailing him out? He needs consequences for his actions, there are some rules (like common sense or common courtesy for your fellow man) that just need to be followed. I can't believe I just said that, but honestly!

You can't turn your music on so loud that someone four doors down actually hears it IN their home and the floor thumps along with the bea tand not expect someone to be angry about it. What kind of a person lives in that much of their own bubble? And isn't it a lonely little bubble?

I started thinking, really this kid is a smart kid, he's got a lot going for him, youth, apparently an endless supply of money from others and he seems to be pretty generous. He's always cooking and sharing food (which a lot of our residents enjoy!) and he's pretty friendly. He really seems to want people to like him yet he keeps doing things to alienate them. If he would only use his powers for good instead of evil his life would be pretty awesome. It must be exhausting to live on the edge all of the time.

I thought about him on my drive in today and I think wow, he really must be so lonely that he has to constantly think up ways to cause chaos so he can get attention. Kinda sad really.

My thought from the Universe today is this:

Today make a call, ask a question, search the web, buy a book, pound the pavement, measure, cut, paste, poke, and of course, give thanks in advance.

Made me laugh a bit. I'm not sure how it all ties into my bigger picture but I think I will try to do what it says......I do give thanks though. Thanks for who I am, for what I have and for where I am. I can't imagine how different my life would be if I changed just one single thing in my own life right now....and I don't know that I would if I was offered the opportunity to.

Bring it on Universe.....I am ready.