Changing who we are

I realize life is all about change. We have to, we evolve, we customize ourselves to fit into new roles, new groups of friends, new jobs...even new relationships but at our very core are we still who we started out as? Do our values and thoughts and feelings remain but we adapt personality traits or start making different decisions because of who we are now with? Is it right?

I am not the same person I was 6 months ago. I've changed. Life events happen that change us, we make new friends that help us grow and move in new directions and sometimes, if we are lucky, we find love that helps us grow and change too. But when that goes awry....that can also change us...so much around us has an effect on who we are, who we become and who we choose to stay.

I have said before I would like someone to make my decisions for me so when things go wrong I can blame someone else...it wasn't my fault or choice. I realize that's not.....adult or even possible but I do so enjoy that thought. As I drove into work this morning pondering my latest dilemma this thought occurred to me. Why can't I just turn things over to someone else to make the decision and I can be out of it...I may not like it but heck....how bad can that be? Then I come into this note from the Universe. Guess I have to think this through more.

There can only be a need for forgiveness, when first there is blame. And there can only be blame, when first there is misunderstanding.
Kung fu,
The Universe (www.tut.com)

And often, misunderstandings arise for one of three reasons: not enough love, not enough sleep, or not enough chocolate.

Wild. I think maybe I could use a little of each of those things....who couldn't?

I don't let myself feel intimidated very often. I don't like to give that control or power over to someone else. I usually think of myself as a pretty confident, self-assured kind of a girl but once in awhile, not sure if it's a full moon or what, but once in awhile I get all unsure of myself and I let silly things rule me.

Recently at work I've been having a lot of connection with our EVP's (executive vice president). I work for a regular VP and when I have to go up to the 16th floor I feel I am in 2nd grade again and being called into the principals office. It's so unnaturally quiet on this floor, there is a pod of the Executive Admins that holds about 5/6 of them and I don't think they talk to each other at all.....ever. There is this feel of........I can't quite describe it but you know how when you walk into a church when it's not church time...there is this sort of feeling of Holiness or something that makes you feel like you have to whisper or tip toe...that's what it feels like up there.

The problem is...I'm not a whispering, tip toeing kind of girl. I live out loud and I would implode if I couldn't talk out loud to myself, which I often do. When I go up there I sort of feel all itchy and nervous and can't wait to get off that floor. Isn't that an admins ultimate goal though...to make it to the executive level...to support a CEO or an EVP? Not me....not unless I could slap one on the back and ask how their weekend was....or share a story about how I had a few cocktails and made some new friends.....you know....stories of who I am.

I wonder if I could adjust to that world....I would most definitely have to change the "work" me and I don't know that I'd think it's worth that.

I think I'll just keep being who I am and see where land.