Still haven't found what I'm looking for

Life is an endless journey. You go down one path searching, looking, seeking out the answers and then half way down you figure out it's not the right path. It may no longer be a path. Sometimes there are new paths to take along the way. It's like you have to keep moving, keep searching. Is there an end? Is there an answer? Should it be that easy?

I was talking to my friend last night (Schnoodler) and we sometimes stumble across bits of conversation that are more than one liners. As graduation closes in on me I have these expectations that overnight my world is going to change. Poof, just like that I'll finally know some of the answers to life's questions, that people will look at me differently, that I'll magically BE where I'm suppose to be but the reality is, nothing is going to change on Monday. Nothing will be different. I'll still wake up, get dressed and come into a job that doesn't offer me any personal value or satisfaction. I'll still come in and make other people's job's easier and not have anything to focus on except the fact that for 9 hours a day I don't feel connected to the bigger picture or that what I do matters. Nothing will change except I will have time at night to focus on ....... where ever I let my mind wander to. I'm scared.

It's up to me and what I do next that matters. I can sit back and do nothing and hang my diploma on the wall for the world to see or I can start to move, make a ripple in my ocean and see what happens when I start this boat rocking. My friend suggested that I sit back and enjoy doing nothing for awhile. That I just BE. That thought freaks me out. It literally makes me visibly shudder. Do nothing....how does one DO nothing?

I guess I need to find a halfway point that brings satisfaction. I am always tempted to think in terms of all or nothing. Something in the air is changing, maybe it's me, maybe I'm becoming aware of life outside my own bubble, but all of a sudden I am having feelings that well up from very deep and hidden places within myself and I'm not even sure what to do with them or where they are coming from much less what the hell to do with them.

I may not be able to avoid unleashing these powerful emotions but I do need to figure out what to do with them. I love this thought Schnoodler shared with me "sometimes we see the shoes the socks the pants but never the toes the feet and the legs and it's not until we stand naked long enough that the truth of what lies underneath becomes apparent." He is my very own Yoda isn't he.

So I guess, I have been on this path, this journey, this mission for so long that I'm not sure what to do now that I seem to be at the end of this particular road. I guess the good thing is I'll just keep moving, just keep trudging along until I find what it is I'm looking for. I sure hope there is a new path that appears for me to wander down because I'm ready to keep moving.

My thought from the Universe today:

I should think one would look fondly back over their shoulder at all the times in their life when they were overcharged, tricked, or taken advantage of, because for every single one of these transgressions, they'll be paid back like a Rock Star on an international stadium tour, hanging out with the coolest cats, flying on private jets, eating Ho Hos, and being waited on hand and foot by their former transgressors. If that's their thing, you know. And that's in addition to all of the other incredibly wonderful things that will be happening to them forever and ever, as they do for all people.
See you in the 'VIP,'
The Universe