It's hard when you have to take care of sick parents. It's especially hard when you don't have a very good relationship with the sick parent. It wears my soul faster than it would if I had a good, positive relationship with my dad. If I at all believed or trusted anything he says. But I don't, so it wears me to the bone.
He will be fine I'm sure, he always is but until we get to that point we all stop our lives and do the "good daughter" thing and do what needs to be done. It's not fun, it's not fair but it's what we have to do.....more to be able to live with ourselves later than for him...isn't that sad?
Today is my final presentation for school...I am 99% ready, 98% sure I know what I am doing and in one way it's really kind of sad. I've spend almost every Tuesday, plus other days, with this group of people for the last 2 1/2 years. It's going to be very strange to not see them, to not have them be a part of my weekly life. It's really kind of sad. Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. I remember when I started school, I thought good lord, what if I am the smartest person in the class, what if I am it.....I am not, I wasn't but the thought terrified me to no end. I also remember having a melt down during my first class thinking why do I think I can do this? Why do I think I am smart enough or strong enough or anything enough to get through this program? And the math classes.....absolutely terrified me.
But here I am, on the outside looking back and I feel really good about it, really proud, really thrilled that I actually accomplished it...even if no one else cares, I totally care about what I did. At my age, at this point in my life I freaking did it. Not alone, and not without a lot of support from my friends. I wouldn't have made it without them. I am very lucky.
What did the Universe have for me today? Made me smile a lot:
Gosh darn it if that doesn't just say it all.In the end, all you have are memories, and usually the ones you have with friends are the ones you treasure most.
I got you, babe.
The Universe
P.S. Not that there's really an "end".... and "usually" means there are indeed exceptions - like dancing in the dark, walking in a park, and some of those really loud sneezes.
1 comment:
Followed the link from your fb page and got here. I love the way you write and I do not say that lightly. Its amazing to me how you hide so much sombre thought under such jocularity. It really is very deep and well thought out. And in case you're wondering who....think yellow dress at the bbq :)
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