Not feeling so alone

I had all of last week off, away from my regular job and since I am done with school the only real commitment, if you can call it that at all, was my job at the ET. I like that job. It doesn't really feel like a JOB.....it is work and some days it's way more work that I expect but overall I enjoy it.
Being that I had some time, I realized a few things. I am not as alone as I thought I was/am.

Not that I feel ALONE alone, just sort of alone in the way I think, I feel.....I guess in the way I am. I had no time constraints for an entire week....other than making a movie time or getting kicked out when the bar closed...hee hee. I enjoyed time with friends I don't normally get to spend time with and even though it wasn't pool playing weather, it was delightful. I had my 6 year old nephew for a few days, I played, I slept, I ate dinner in new places and overall I really enjoyed the week. I realized in talking with some new, different, strangers and friends that what I feel, think and am doing is really the same thing that pretty much everyone else is doing. Oddly, it made me feel less alone than I have felt before.

I am in a new phase of life, I am trying to hone and figure out what I WANT and what I want TO DO and what I want TO BE and I think it's time I start to hear my own voice. I need to learn to hear what it is I am trying to say....not what everyone else is saying or pointing me to.
For so long I have flitted along on some path, some road that someone else has walked and I blindly followed along thinking I would some how catch on, that I would connect, that I would belong but I realized that isn't going to happen. I have to find my OWN path...I have to make my OWN mistakes, I have to wander and fall and stumble and learn and grow all on my own. If I constantly wait for someone else to take the lead I'll still be here in this muddled mess for ever.

It's hard to be an adult. It's hard to try to forge your own path. It's especially hard when some of the people who have been in your life for so long don't want you to go on the journey. They are comfortable with you where you are. It's not like they are purposely trying to stop you but if you move on to something new and you grow and change it leaves things different...I know, I've been on the other end of that scenario a hundred times. I always feel like I am the one being left behind....but now for the first time I feel like I am actually leading the charge. I am taking the reigns of my own life and forging ahead.

I have no idea where I am going or what I will do, all I know is I can't stay here, in this place, this moment, this......life any more. It has to change.

The year of NO RULES has really been pushing me in new directions....I don't always like or enjoy what's happening but I am trusting it's all part of the bigger picture.

I had a week's worth of messages from The Universe waiting in my email and this is the one that really spoke to me the most:

What if you did have the power, the reach, and the glory?
What if you were given dominion over all things?
And what if eternity lay before you, brimming with love, friends, and laughter?
Yet still, one day, in all your radiance, bubbling over with giddy excitement, you tripped, fell, and got hurt - really hurt.
Would you give up on all of your dreams? Would you hate yourself? Would you forget life's magic and promise?
Or would you shrug it off, look ahead, and exclaim that it's "just a flesh wound"?
Touché,
The Universe

It's time to find out how badly I'll get hurt IF I fall.