Not that girl

I'm never THAT girl. Never the one people seek out, never the one people want to be with, never the one people meet, look at and think I want to be HER. I'll never be that girl. I am mostly OK with that....but just once I kinda wanna be THAT girl..,,,.just for a moment. Is that so wrong?

There are lots of those girls out there.....I wonder if they realize that about themselves. Do they know they have IT? I wonder.

I watched this couple the other night....they were probably in their late 80's and they were out to dinner and they sat across from each other and as they ate they held one hand....just simply and gently across the table, no big production about it, just simply stretched out across the table and it was almost as if they didn't realize they were doing it. They ate dinner, talked and it was just simple and kind. It made me really miss my own grandparents. Not that they ever did that but it made me miss them terribly for a moment.

They loved each other deeply and yet they fought like fiends, it was almost comical. My grandfather would say it's cloudy and my grandmother would yell IT'S SUNNY.....always opposites and yet they had that base, that core, that unyielding love at the core of their souls. You could see it, you could feel it....it's something you don't see anymore. People don't seem to have that level of love and connectedness that they used to.

Sure people fall in and out of love all the time but there is something different about the way people used to be in love and stay married. They toughed out the hard times, they fought out loud and they didn't walk away when things got hard or tough. I miss that about my grandparents. There were moments you'd catch them being super sweet to each other like when he'd call her "my Annie". It was so endearing and I bet it made her heart stop just a little each time he did that.

I get worried that I'll become one of those bitter crazy old people you see in the malls. The ones that just fix the front side of their hair and leave the back all crazy bed head and there's always a streak of lipstick across their front tooth that they are oblivious to.

Oh God, I'm going to have to get people in my life so I don't end up like that person.

Oh dear...I don't want to be THAT girl.