Do overs

Do you ever wish you could have a rewind button on life? That would be kinda cool, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't abuse it....really I won't! I can imagine that a big old redo button could make things way easier for everyone! I've been joking with some friends saying I need do over on New Years. I had great expectations for the begining of this new year that just didn't happen. I didn't get to do the count down, sing the song or take that first cleansing breath of the new year filled with hope and possibilities of all the time that was laid out before me....nothing....granted it was my own fault....a little too much celebrating too early but none the less....I feel cheated! I need a do over....or as my freind calls it a Mulligans New Year!

Whatever....its a do over....rewind, take 2, a new chapter. Thankfully my friends agree and support a do over...now I have hope again. Hope that I can start the year......with a minor delay but regardless...it will be a happy new year. I'm ready! I've actually been ready for 20 days now but between work, school and life the start seems to be on the back burner. I have a list full of things to be checked off and frankly time is racing by! I will get to check one thing off this weekend when I go golfing on the ice...too bad it won't involve ice fishing because then I could actually check 2 things off!! I really think the key to a new beginning is the count down AND the song.....that's what I'm banking on!

I am involved in the planning and execution of a major meeting next week that has everyone running in circles and jumping through hoops and overall being slightly insane but I can deal with it. There are people that walk by me and say I'm going here do you need anything and my standard smart ass reply has been....yeah see if they have the last 3 years of my life on clearance. We laugh but really, as I think about it, would I want those back? Would I want a do over on them? I have done a lot in the last three years I'm not sure I'd like to do again or frankly over....they've been ok.

I've began the process of re-creating who I am...literally from the the inside out. This June will be 3 years ago that I had my surgery.....down 165lbs and I feel fantastic. Wish I were skinnier but hey, I am what I am. I got rid of some old relationships, some old baggage and most recently some old material possesions. I was president of my admin group, I learned lots of new things like belly dancing and how to create scatter graphs in Power Point, I started down a path that led me to some fun new friends (ET rules!) and I started and am almost done with school. That's a lot in 3 years.....would I want a redo on any or all of that....I don't think so.

We are on a path in life that we may not understand as we travel it. I find the longer I stay moving and changing and shifting the more I can look back and realize it is worth it. It doesn't always feel ike that while we are on the path and traveling down a road but looking back over the last three years I see it. I don't know why I doubt myself so much. Why do we put so much extra stress on ourselves when we don't really need to? I like my life, I like my path...it may not be the right one, the final one or even a real path but for right now I will take it. I don't want a do over....not on the big picture...certain moments....certain days.....certain events - hell yeah.

I am getting my new New Years! I am playing poker and eating chocolate covered strawberries and drinking champagne when the clock strikes 12 and by God....there will be singing!