The Boys Club

Corporate American is interesting. It's still primarily a man's place and it's interesting to me to be a part of this "inside" circle. We are preparing for this major meeting next week and add to that a major meeting due to a recently announced re-org of a major part of our company add to that several presentations needed for RFO (Regional Financial Offices) meetings that are due at the end of January and mama is playing with the big boys. Not only that but I am freaking exhausted!

I've been wearing my fingers to the bone creating Power Points (umm...AMAZING power points I might add!) and preparing meeting rooms, inviting hundreds of people, making sure the technology works (minus a few cords shorting out!) and all the while playing nice with the mucky mucks that run this place. It's a strange feeling to be standing talking to the CEO, COO, EVP's and the heads of the company about things and then the small talk begins. Things like golfing or sports (neither of which I do...or have very much knowledge of) and pretending like I care at all about any of that is really hard. I just want to be lying on a beach someplace drinking a fruity drink! I usually smile and nod, something my boss taught me, and once in awhile throw in a "how about those twins" comment just so I seem like I care.

Making small talk has never been a problem for me and I am not often intimidated by people but it's hard to find something in common to talk to these people about when I can tell the suit they are wearing probably costs as much as my new sofa did. I'm not a mucky muck kind of person. I don't mind talking or working with these people but to try to find that common ground....it's a little challenging. They have all been really nice and none of them treat me like I'm anything less but it's just a different connection. Can't really see myself hanging with them.

It's also time for our reviews at work and it always gives me a pit in my stomach....not because I'm expecting anything bad, I know my own faults, but it always makes me re-think my working in corporate America. It makes me question how much of the game I really want to engage in to get a paycheck. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just do something fun, fluffy, easy like work at a craft store or a pizza place....but I suppose there are rules there too. Everything always seems to come back to rules for me. I clearly have some issue with them and yet they are important. I have the self imposed rules I put on myself and try to force myself to live by. I really need to break myself of this. 2009....the year of no rules. Hmmm, maybe I can incorporate that into my thinking.

There is this guy at work who really seems to just live his life flat out in the open for anyone to see. I kind of admire that and wish I could be more like that but I'm always feeling like I have to sensor myself, that I have to learn what the rules are and stay inside this box that I've created. I want to live outside the box, I want to take chances, push the envelope and see what the Universe has to offer me....how do you learn to do that?

One thing in my review that surprised me was the comments that came from other people, I didn't get to see them all but there was a clear message that was shared that people seem to really like working with me. That kind of surprised me....not because I think I'm a terrible employee or co-worker but that others really seemed to notice all that I do....it was kind of refreshing and reaffirming that I do like who I have created as my corporate me....although it always needs some fine tuning.

Also been thinking alot lately about what I want to do when my degree is done.....is it time to start thinking outside my bubble?

See....I do need a wife!!!!!