Sometimes we just have to sit still and breath to hear the messages the Universe is constantly throwing at us. Sitting still is not something I've ever been good at. I find it hard to process all the chatter in my brain if I'm not doing something. That's why I think I have a hard time sleeping - once I finally stop my day and try to go to sleep my brain seems to kick into manic mode and it fills my brain with all this....chatter, thoughts, what if situations. It's hard to shut it down.
Three bits of news hit me this morning....1 - three months from today is my birthday 2 - five months from today I graduate 3 - your parent diagnosed with a terminal illness effects you more than you want to let it.
Life is full of constant moving parts. Sometimes it's really hard to keep things moving in one direction long enough to get anywhere. The only thing we can count on is the inconsistency of life. Nothing stays the same for very long....haven't figured out if that's good or bad.
Twice yesterday I heard things that at the time didn't seem like anything until I got home and was soaking in a tub of bubbles (nothing beats a really warm bubble bath to wash away the day) and processed everything. My work/home/personal life has been a whirl wind of activity the past few weeks with my move, school, major meetings and mishaps with meetings and things don't show signs of slowing until next Thursday the 29th. That's ok...I would rather be busy than bored, rather feel needed than out of the loop....rather be an asset than a liability (that's a little accounting/finance talk for you!) . As I soaked away the day in my new pad (same size tub though...boo!) I re-played the day over in my head and tried to process the messages I heard at work.
Of course the re-org touched my dept. just a bit and we heard yesterday officially for the first time from our newly assigned top Executive Vice Pres. She shared at our quarterly Division meeting her plans for our area on a really high level and she detailed her style and background so we kinda get a snapshot of what she is bringing to the table. I like her, she has a very diverse interesting background and I think it will be an interesting partnership with our areas. She is the head of the General Counsel's Office (GCO) and somehow the Communications area where I work, got shifted under her control. No one quite knows how this will all pan out or what it will mean in terms of jobs, they tell us to be patient and to keep on doing what we have been doing and that they hope to make some decisions by next month....so we wait....and we wonder and we continue with business as usual.
As we wait I try not to question too much...I figure at this point it's just safer to keep on keeping on. At the meeting, the talk turned to stress management...that these are trying times not only in our economy but in our work life. In our area especially, as people leave and positions are re-evaluated and then not filled, the work load grows and changes daily. The only constant thing is change. They gave us websites and suggestions on ways to deal with stress....which kind of stressed me out more to think now I have to figure out ways to handle stress..ugh.
Anyway, you know I love me my quotes...and here is one she shared with us "It isn't the changes that do you in; it's the transition". She went on to talk about how the transition is really the letting go of something. Letting go of something, anything quite honestly, is something I've never been very good at. The letting go is something I just don't get. I've gotten better at letting things roll off of me but letting go is still something I need to focus on. Whether it's the letting go of your identity or how you connect with that particular thing....letting go is hard. Once you decide what to let go of the world gets more complicated. You feel out of place, disconnected and out of your comfort zone. You begin to ask a lot of questions and that's when that old self doubt comes into play. Is it me? Am I good enough? What's wrong with me?
What story do we begin to weave for our self? Change effects all of us and as we change and we have to learn to accept the change and thus learn to deal with the transitions. When we do this we leave behind a sort of hand print or a marker of where we've been. As we grow and move on we leave little pieces of us behind. Is it possible to leave too much of us behind? Is it possible to move on so fast and so far that we don't even remember where we started?
The Universe knows what we need and it tries to guide us with people, messages, events that it puts in our path. When we veer off course the Universe has a way of "course correcting" us. It gives us what we need to be where we need to be - right? That's what I'm banking on. I think all I have to do is just breath and relax. Ahh, the joys of a bubble bath.
Where is all of this leading me in my job? What does this mean for me personally? How do I learn to deal with the poor relationship I have with my dad and is it too late or worth it to try to mend it...at least on my end? I don't know. I just know I can't control the ride, all I can do is hang on tight and see where I end up.
One of my favorite things I own right now came from my friend Troy, a bracelet that simply says "it is what it is".
That's all we have....come on Universe, I'm waiting on a "course correction" anytime.
1 comment:
Hey hunny-bunny. Glad you like the bracelet and sorry your life got even more complicated again yesterday. But I do have to disagree with you on one thing you said. Letting go of things never makes the world harder. Maybe you're not really letting go? Hang in there, baby.
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