Monday, March 16, 2009

Just knowing

I had lots of opportunity to stare out the windows this weekend and watch the world go by. It was my weekend to work at the ET so I was kinda stuck in a glass cage avoiding homework....oh and work. As I stared out the window and watched people go by I witnessed little moments that kind of made me say "awwww".

There is this older couple (late 60's I imagine) who live in separate apartments but are still a couple. They were walking out to the car and she just reached her hand out and without really thinking and he did the same and they walked through the parking lot just holding hands. This really caught my attention because it was such a small thing but really in the bigger picture, it was huge. They just KNEW. To just know that another hand is right there to grasp yours without question, without thought is really pretty powerful. No words needed to be said, no asking, just trusting that it was there. That's what this world needs more of....those kinds of moments. That is something I don't think we see enough in in life, people holding hands. I want to walk with someone holding hands.

This got me thinking a lot about relationships and why they have to be so.....difficult. Maybe it's because spring is around the corner or maybe because it seems like love (is that the right word even?) is in the air...well not for me (I keep getting the "no thank you card") but it does seem like many of my friends are embarking on new paths of love. It seems like the people they are matched with are good fits, they seem to have lots in common with each other, are really compatible and for the most part they seem pretty happy with things but there are those moments that seem like it's just too difficult to be IN a relationship. Why does it have to be so hard?

I realize relationships take work. Even if your not romantically involved they take work. You need to give and take equally otherwise what's the point? It's hard to get on the "same page" with another person....sometimes you just have to dive in with both feet and swim in the deep, scary water. No one wants to be alone...why not find that other half and let them in? In this crazy world, if you find someone who has any sort of baggage at all that even remotely matches your own, why don't you just glomp onto that for all your worth and run with it? Open yourself up to the possibility that you can be happy and have fun and just trust that when you stick your hand out, their hand will be right there to take hold of your own.

I wonder if we ever realize what we have while we have it. Is it possible to not even realize we have those moments right now and by focusing on what might go wrong or what might never happen we miss the moments that are here in front of us? I have friends who are in relationships that just don't seem to be working. Are they in them just so they don't have to be alone? Is it worth that? If you give up so much of what you want from life just to have the another person there is that love?

It's confusing to me. I get the whole I don't want to be alone thing. I want someone to adore me, to want to be with me, to even put me up on a pedestal now and then but realistically that isn't an everyday thing...there are going to be moments that you don't even want to be around that other person, but in this short, short life, why don't we take happiness when we find it? Why?

The Universe in it's infinite wisdom had this to say to me today:

Have you stopped to consider that it's life's "disconnects," "almost's," and "not quites," that make life's "connections," "gotchas," and "eurekas" so fantastically romantic?

Good, because they were your idea.

Wild thing,
The Universe

Funny because I've been feeling sort of disconnected and not quite right lately. Feeling like I don't have a place in this world where I fit, where I matter, where I add value and then I have this weekend that shifts my thinking. I'm feeling like there is a place in the sun for me, somewhere and that makes me feel better...just knowing.

Who would have guess it, just knowing something deep in your soul does make a difference.

1 comment:

Schnoodler said...

You matter to me, and add value to my life. I think there are many people that would say the same thing to you. never doubt we are here for you.