Some days I feel older than I am....other days I feel only as old as the people I surround myself with. I realized yesterday, I don't feel very old. Maybe it's because the bulk of my closest friends right now are in their 30's (or younger!) but I am sort of appalled at my actual age. People my age don't live the life I do. They don't have the social life, the commitments, the fun that I do. At least not hardly anyone I know that is my age. I rather enjoy my life. Not every moment of course but overall, looking at the big screen picture, I do.
The sad news this morning of Natasha Richardson dying after a freak accident sort of made me think about things and realize life is way too short. We are the exact same age and I was thinking...jesh....some freaky thing could happen and I could be gone tomorrow....would I have enjoyed the last times I had here? Would I be remembered as a "wonderful woman". Maybe by some....those who love me but overall? Not so sure.
No rules...that was my rule at the beginning of the year. It just seems more relevant now than before. I can't sit by an passively let things happen, I can't let days or weeks go by without enjoying my time. I say it's time to grab life by the ......I need a good analogy here...anyway, you get the point. It's time to put the pedal to the medal.....no....that just doesn't work. But it's time to do something more than I have been doing. School is almost done and it's time to get it in gear.
I'm tired of being tired, of being worried about my job, school, what anyone else thinks. I'm tired of waiting to start living until this happens or that happens....it's time....it's time to get out there and do what I want to do. I started to do that at the beginning of this year but then I got sucked back into my own bubble of insecurity and safety (or what I perceived as safety) and I say no more....done with that...moving on. Mama is getting in the car pool lane and that's all there is to it. What's with the car analogies?
What does the Universe think about this?
People, when given a chance smile, skip, and dance.
They create, play, and laugh.
They care, share, and love.
And the ones who don't, haven't yet realized that chances are something you give yourself.
Double dare you,
The Universe
Interesting right?
Yesterday I reconnected with an old friend I absolutely adore!! I'd lost track of her and the wonders of Facebook helped us reconnect and within two seconds I felt like no time between us had passed at all. I forgot how lucky a person is to have people in their lives that are just part of who we are...they are pieces of us scattered around the world and you just feel better, more connected, whole - when you find a lost one again...almost like your putting your pieces back together. Yeah Facebook!
So maybe none of us have all the answers or the perfect life and maybe we all need each other to be who we are, but some days it's harder to see that through all the daily garbly gook that seeps in. I forget the joy that others add to my own life - little things like having dinner unexpectedly with me, wearing my wrist band (cause it really does bring me great joy!) or just taking time to talk with me about nothing in particular. It's the little moments, the way a person smiles at me, the way they make me laugh and the fun little things they do during the day to remind you that you do matter, even when it's something silly like a picture on your door when you come home at night. :)
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