Just listen

There is so much to hear if you just listen. If you can stop the internal chatter, the noise that constantly fills your head, there are so many messages being thrown at you every day and if you can just listen to some of them you will be OK.

I am in what I am calling my sink or swim phase right now. Work is busy, my personal life is, well for lack of a better term, busy and school is insanely busy. Mix into all that the messages the Universe keeps throwing my way I just don't have enough bandwidth to process it all. I just started my final class last night...my capstone. It's a compilation of everything I've done over the last 2 1/2 years...it's a 40/50 page paper analyzing in depth a company including financials and it is to include a 30/40 min. presentation. It's due in 11 weeks.......11 weeks. No time to delay, must get going but I feel like I am in quicksand.

My message from the Universe however:

Give it thought, Dawn. Consider every angle. And then speak your
mind. You've not been drawn into anyone's life just to listen.
Loud and proud,
The Universe

Speak my mind....I like that but what if your mind is a muddled mess...what if you can't formulate a single sentence? How do you move forward then?

Remember the Wizard of Oz? The beginning is in black and while and suddenly when she ends up in OZ it's the beautiful, technicolor life. Suddenly things are vibrant and you can't imagine how anyone could live in that dull black and white kind of life....that's where I am right now...I'm in the house spinning wildly in the air and I can see the ground.....it's getting closer and closer and I want to land but I just haven't been blown about enough yet by the tornado that is life.

Seems a lot more dismal writing this then things really are but it helps me put things in perspective if I write them down....plus it clears some of the muddle out of my head and leaves room for new muddle. I've learned a new trick....if I think of thinks in little nuggets it seems more manageable....if I try to look at the whole big picture I get overwhelmed and I go into panic mode.

Partially I think I'm feeling this overwhelming sense of I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME is because of course my b-day is around the corner. I always get a little freaked out about another year passing....I try to smooth it over, to cover it by doing something fun....I think if I embrace it, take it on head on it will sting less....it kinda doesn't though....it's still there, below the surface taunting me like a school yard bully. It's another milestone to prove that yet another year is gone and I feel like I need to have SOMETHING to show for it.

That's interesting....if I think logically about all that I've accomplished since my last birthday I amaze myself....if I think on a surface level all that I've done I feel disappointed....that seems like there is a huge disconnect there. Will have to delve into that in another post now won't I.

So much more to say.