Endings

All endings are beginnings, we just don't know it yet.

I was talking with a friend yesterday about a situation in her life and I posed the question to her "what do you want out of this?" "What do you want the outcome to be?" It struck me that is the question of all questions really isn't it.....if we knew the answer to that wouldn't our lives be so much easier!? Wouldn't we know we were on the right path, going in the right direction, believe that we were spending time with the right people. I think it may have upset her a little but I guess I just wanted her to think about what she really wants....what does she need. How can we move on if we don't know what we are moving on to or from or towards?

Sometimes it's best to just end things, to move on, to start over......much like my final paper. It's time to let it go and begin again. It's much harder that it seems. How do you stop caring for people, stop wanting to share with them, to have them be a part of your life? How do you stop caring about doing the right thing, about doing a good job about being a person of your word? How do you just stop being who you are and living the way you have lived and just start over?

School is so close to being done I can really see it now....graduation is June 7th even though school doesn't officially end until June 23rd....but for me it will really end June 16th. That's the day I present my final paper and final presentation. I will officially be done if I don't die writing this paper. I've been interviewing some people at work at the senior vice president level about our company, what it is they do and corporate like stuff....one question I am asking is what words of advice or inspirational message would they like to share. I love that kind of stuff so I am curious to hear what they have to share.

One person who seems like such a hard, cold, formal person began the interview sitting in her chair, leaning back with her arms crossed. I was determined to win her over with my....charm? Finally, I asked her this question - What is the most rewarding result that has come because of your leadership role? Suddenly she was engaged. She uncrossed her arms and her face kind of lit up and she talked about her accomplishment and suddenly she was with me, she was engaged and committed and then she really opened up. By the time I got to the end of the questions she was just a chatting fool. It was fun to see that switch. She also shared this thought - life can only be lived forward but you learn much by looking backwards.

I wonder if we knew we were making mistakes or going down a wrong path would we change it? I mean at the time it's all good, things are going good, we are happy, we are getting something out of it but we know it won't last or come to anything yet we still do it....if we knew how it would all end would we still choose to do it? Not like physical harm but don't we learn something by going down the wrong paths occasionally? Aren't there things to be learned along the way? Interesting food for thought isn't it?

I wonder if I am in my hey day right now....is this the time of my life? Is this the moment in time I will look back on and say....ahh, those were the days? If so, shouldn't it be bigger? Shouldn't I be living a more exciting life, don't I need an event or a thing to be happening so I can look back on it?

Perhaps this wasn't the right time to give up my coffee. I can't seem to get my brain to focus without my morning coffee.