Time

I've been thinking a lot lately about time. How we spend it, how we use it - use it to avoid, distract, entertain. It's easy to say "I can't do this because I don't have the time" but really, each day has 24 hours in it...how we choose to spend it is what matters. Are we choosing the right way to spend our time?

As this year winds down I realized there never seems to be enough time for everything. I mean, I choose what I'm doing but when you work full time, part time and go to school it's hard to squeeze in a personal life or time with friends without feeling completely exhausted. How do people with kids do this?

We lose people we love too fast, they are gone before we really have time to spend with them and as I get older I find there is more value in my time that I thought yet I am surprised how well I don't really use my time. I recently went through a phase where I all of a sudden had all this open free time to use and I almost went bonkers trying to figure out what to do with it....how to fill it, how to get my arms wrapped around my own purpose and being and it all seemed to come back to time. I don't have time to do this or I have to much time and I don't know what to do with it. Maybe we use time to avoid things too. I know that if I have too much time on my hands I start to over analyze myself and my life and I become very unhappy.

So I keep myself busy. I find things to do or things to fill it with so I won't feel bad and that somehow makes me feel better. I do all sorts of things to fill my time hoping not to feel lonely or to not focus on my own life but really it's just pushing it aside and at some point it has to come to the surface. Do we invite drama and high maintenance people into our lives so we have something to focus on and "fix" so we can avoid ourselves?

Are we really that complicated of individuals? Am I really that complicated? I remember when we were approaching 2008.....I kept saying 2008 is going to be great...well you know what...it wasn't. In some ways it was, I learned alot about myself this year but overall....the overall theme of this year was not one of my better years.

I am not sure I want to lay out any expectations for 2009....not yet anyway.

Still a few days left to ponder the new year.