Wants, needs, expectations

They are all connected really.....we want things, we need things and I most certainly expect things. Are they all necessary though?

The needs thing is easy....the basic needs of life....shelter, food, clothing, a job, safety, relationships with others....I get that, that makes sense to me. Wanting things.....that's a little hinky for me...I want a lot of stuff or things to happen but do I NEED them - probably not. I'd certainly survive without but I do want them. Wanting in a powerful thing. I have this great quote from an Oprah magazine which I know I won't get right but it went something like she ignored the wants for so long that they began to shout out loud. If we keep ignoring what we want does it get louder? Do we eventually have to address the wants or do they wither and die? Isn't that really what Oprah's magazine is based on anyway....wanting. You want to read the books she praises, you want the things on her list and you want to be like the people in the magazine ads....wants.....that's a hard one to rationalize away. I want to not want to want. Hmmm.....is that even possible? Do I really want that or do I think I'm suppose to want that?

The last part, expectations, is what I am struggling with. I expect certain outcomes in my life from events, from everyday and from people. I am almost constantly disappointed in the outcomes because in my head I've built them into something completely different from the reality. I expect something different than what I am getting and when it comes down to it, it's me who has to change. Change my thinking, my expectations my wants. I have gone places or done things that were completely unplanned or unexpected and had a great time and then when I place the expectation on a certain outcome and it doesn't happen I feel let down, sad, unfulfilled. Does a person have to stop expecting an outcome?

New Years Eve....this day holds a lot of pressure for me. I know its probably, OK it IS self imposed pressure, but it's the end of the old and the beginning of the new. If I don't lay out some expectations for the new year am I just then accepting what will be? Don't I have the obligation to put out there some sort of a plan or list or expectation of what I want....need, expect from the new year? Don't I owe it to myself to make a plan or am I just making too much out of things?

I feel a odd sense of uneasement (is that even a word?) coming in to this new year and if I honestly look at my life I'm probably at one the best, stable, connected places I've been at in my own life in a really long time. I enjoy my life, my friends (both old and especially new!) and my job at the moment is .....well.....I still have one to go to next week - I'm really in a pretty good place. I'm very close to being done with school, my family is well and I'm in a pretty darn good place.....what more do I really need, want or expect from a new year? Is it possible I am just making too much out of New Years Eve?

My focus this year will be to work on my list.....I have been creating a list of things I want to do and I really think 2009 needs to be a year I focus on what I want, what I need and maybe leave the expectation part up to the Universe? Most importantly I want it to be a year of doing things I have never done before and having fun.

Oh my God.....did I just figure it out? Dang....I think I did. I really enjoy my window seat to the world as I blog....feels like I can really sort things out.

Happy New Year and good bye 2008!