Let go...for real

Letting go...surrendering....a simple concept yet its one of the most difficult emotional things to do, at least it is for me. I said before that letting go brings up all these other "problems" for me. It creates new issues. My friend said that I’m not truly letting go if this is what is the case. Stupid emotions. If I am being honest, it’s probably more of a control issue than anything, me trying to control….imagine that.

Letting go requires a lot of practice and consistency. I decided it was time to let go.....to stop living in the past or the land of "what if's". By doing this I can begin to embrace life and all the things in life that I want to do or try or be a part of. To forgive and to move on, I declared it so it must happen...right? Not so easy I think. The past few nights I’ve tossed and turned most of the night just trying to sort through thoughts in my head. Am I really letting go?

By letting go, it dares me to walk away from all of the familiar but useless mental and emotional relationships that give me a temporary, but unsatisfactory sense of my self. Who am I? My true identity is calling to me and I've been so caught up in my old stuff that I can’t hear it. Lately it seems like that little voice is getting stronger and louder and now it seems have no choice but to hear it and I must be willing to endure, for as long as necessary, the fear of self-uncertainty to really hear what it’s beginning to shout out loud to me. Am I brave enough to listen?

The only thing certain about fear is that it will always be there. When it comes to figuring out who we really are there is always an element of fear. Fear of being your true self? Seems crazy doesn’t it, that you have a fear of becoming who you are supposed to be? But its there, that little feeling in the pit of your belly telling you whoa, stop, don’t go there! Those little internal voices telling you to stop, to turn back, it’s too scary there. I admit, I’ve been really focused on shutting down the internal chatter, to ignore and press on anyway but once in awhile I get nervous and start to second guess myself. Will anyone else like who I am and will I be able to look in the mirror and like who looks back at me?

Letting go is clearly a process, letting go of the past, of the yesterdays of the things that can not be changed. This takes conscious effort. I think the more we do this, the easier it gets, at least that's what I am hoping. There are moments in life that I just go forward, charge ahead without thinking, without second guessing the outcome and it’s fantastic. I want more of those moments. We all have moments that we would like to erase, rewrite or forget but they are really part of the journey, the process. We are where we are at now because of them.

Oh and here is what the Universe has to say to me to day.

Here's the thing, admission into time and space requires a belief in
limits: a belief that both time and space are real; that you can therefore have and have-not; that love can be lost or found; and that you are what your physical senses show you and no more. These illusions immediately lead you to believe that you are incomplete. Yet, far from indicating you are flawed, they reveal your brilliance by filling you with desire, igniting your emotions, fueling your passions, and catapulting you out into the world where journeys are begun, connections are made, and dreams come true... only to be replaced by new dreams as your divine sense of incompleteness persists. This is by design.

Feeling incomplete does not make you so. It's how legends are born, giants are made, and history is written. It's why you're here. To ever so briefly escape your true identity as you live with an unquenchable thirst that will lead into adventures of grandeur, discovery, and a realization that love is all there is.

Your trusty accomplice,
The Universe

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.