Balance

How much of our identity, sense of self and self-esteem is linked to our work?

Work defines us externally. It gives us an identity to the outside world. I am who I am because of what I do. Work is usually a continuation of one’s education and what serves as a base for our sense of worth. Then there is the inner identity….who you are when no one else is around. The trick is learning to balance the two.

How do you learn to balance your inner and outer lives?

I am not completely dissatisfied with my life so far, it has its good points, however, I do feel like I’ve missed out on something by not choosing a career path in my 20’s like most people. Now I’m in my 40’s and feeling like I’ve made wrong choices. I feel like I need to make a change, or maybe to actually choose a path. Is that what being in school is about? I feel like I need a new game plan with a different balance between work and other life goals – wait, maybe I should actually get some “other life goals” first. Man being an adult is hard!

Work has considerable advantages as an opportunity to establish our own personal status. The objectives and criteria for success at work are clear. Rewards are recognized and visible to others. Where there is good there is always bad….rather a downside. At work, you are rarely in control of your own destiny; the criteria for success changes without warning or notice and more importantly economic downturns half a world away abruptly take away your job. It’s really easy to judge success in your work life than in your personal life.

How long will it take to know if you have been successful as a parent or a spouse? How can you judge whether you've fulfilled your potential as a human being outside the purely economic realm of existence? How can you compare the benefits of basing your personal identity on things outside of work with the benefits you can expect for making work your life?

People focus on work success because it’s easy and because they truly see it as the center of their lives. In such an achievement-dominated world, deciding not to work to live makes others view you as lazy or an under achiever. We tend to admire or idolize those who have “made it”. Does a career really define who we are? Are those with careers really any happier or better off because we put them on some imaginary pedestal?

What gives them an identity? Work is a substitute for many things, it’s easy to get lost in and it’s socially acceptable to do so. It’s also a way to avoid other things in your life.

Can you change your self identity by changing a job?