I'm not over the hill but I've got some years under my belt. I wouldn't say I'm ready to sit in a rocking chair and call it quits but I did have an odd realization last night - I realized that I don't really have any long term plans for myself or even for my life. I mean I'll plan out a weekend, a vacation, a trip to the State Fair and maybe even the holidays (only 127 days until Christmas!!) but planning out my life....I am pretty sure that time has passed me by.
I was talking to a younger friend (in her 20's) last night and she was talking about getting married, having kids, buying a house maybe even moving out of state and it hit me hard on the head....man...I won't ever be planning any of that stuff. It kind of made my head spin a little. Wow...what a shocking realization to have at 9:30pm on a Tuesday night. I am not saddened by it or upset...I don't know that I have any real emotion tied to it other than surprise. It's odd when you actually really realize you have come to a point in your life where you are just sort of....exisiting. Wow...that's a lot to take in.
I'm not sure I can even say I want any of that, I used to wants peices of that kind of a life but now I am pretty set in my own life. The thought of having that kind of a life doesn't really appeal to me but the realization that I won't have that is what really sort of got to me. It's funny I look at my neices and nephews and think man they have their whole life ahead of them, I don't want them to limit themselves or to edit themselves...I want them to experience life and to LIVE!
Wow - I guess I am old. In my class last night we were talking about benefits and healthcare costs. A comment was made about the cost of family health care vs. a single persons coverage. I thought Jesus....how do people with a family even afford anything?? It took me back to a conversation I had with my mother a few years back - I made mention that I really wanted new pots & pans for Christmas and her comment to me was why don't I just go buy a set - it's not like I don't have the money too after all I don't have a family to support. She usually bought me some huge hideous peice of tacky jewelery while my sisters got appliances and nice household stuff. I had to remind her that when a person is married there are TWO incomes paying for gas, insurance, bills and with me it's JUST me. Sure they usually have a family added or sometimes a house but those are choices they make BASED on two incomes. She didn't get it...honestly I don't know that she still does get it. My teacher made some comment in class about single people not having anyone to take care of them when they get old...I agreed with him...thank God I got a crap load of neices and nephews! Hopefully one of them will step up to the plate when it's time!!
Getting old doesn't suck as much as the realization that your life is sort of half over does. I mean I know I still have plenty of good years left and plenty of fun to be had but man...my plans are really limited now....kinda shocking thoughts for the middle of the week.
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